Sometimes it takes a little vanity to get yourself moving in the right direction…
I grew up completely
obsessed with confused by girls. When I had no interest in them (until age 7) they seemed to really like me, and the moment I started to find them interesting they scattered like frightened geese, hissing at me and pooping everywhere.
Until I was divorced and living in an empty apartment I never took the time to really self reflect, focus on my health and fitness and basically clean myself up. THAT’s when I start to realize some dating success. And I think that a little vanity helped me get that ball rolling.
So I’m ignoring all the cautionary tales I learned in church and I’m going to share some positive aspects of today’s dirty word: Vanity.
Being Vain Beats Being Lazy
Something I try to make clear in my book is that not everyone is born “good looking” but that anyone can “look good.”
If you haven’t won the mesomorth lottery it doesn’t mean you can’t still beef up, lean out, or shine up real nice.Basically any guy can raise his “rating” with the right diet, attitude, or wardrobe update. Any guy can reach an “average” rating, and many average guys can become 8′s or 9′s!
Don’t let your “before” picture define your future success. If you want to change it’s possible.
Women Are Superficial (And Yummy)
That’s right, I said it. Women are superficial when they first meet you.
Well how the hell are they supposed to get a sense of who you REALLY are until they’ve gotten to know you?So all they have to work with is what they can see, hear, smell and taste (tee-hee).
And, according to the science I just googled, we ALL have automatic ways of judging someone’s genetic health based on their superficial appearance.
“It turns out that beautiful people are genuinely different from ugly people, because they are genetically and developmentally healthier.” ~ Psychology Today
This isn’t a judgement towards women, it’s an acknowledgement that vanity has it’s place. There’s even an incredibly popular women’s magazine called Vanity Fair where harmless types of vanity are celebrated and discussed (I assume, I’ve never read it… they cover makeup and fashion right?)
If it’s okay for women to focus on their appearance in order to attract us then perhaps we should do the same.If she’s going to spend decades learning how to dress and present herself then perhaps we should take an extra 5 minutes to
bleach our assholes pluck our eye brows.
How We Look Is How We Feel
Have you ever just felt AWESOME because you think you look awesome?
Maybe you lost that 5 pounds you were working on, or maybe you’re strutting around with a post-gym-pump (not to be confused with a post-Jim-Pump) or maybe you’re wearing some new clothes? And just THINKING that you looked good made you FEEL good?
If you’ve never experienced this sensation then you’re just being hard on yourself. We’ve ALL had good hair days and you know it!
Here’s the problem… if you’ve become lazy, neglected to learn anything about fashions, or exercise, it’s very easy to slide into a pathetic pit of social ignorance, causing you to look tired and unattractive. And when yo KNOW you look unattractive it ALWAYS influences how you FEEL around women.
And, incase I don’t say this enough, how you FEEL when you’re around women influences how THEY feel. It doesn’t matter what a woman THINKS about you, it only matters how she FEELS when she’s around you. That’s a KEY to learning how to attract women.
So if you think you look crappy then you likely FEEL crappy too. Luckily all aspects of depression and appearance can be fixed.
Are you a fatty? Try this.
Bad Teeth? Try White strips.
Stinky? Read this.
Too skinny? Eat a tonne and force yourself through some breathing squats.
Self Reflection Improves Self Esteem, Confidence, And Erections
Some where along the line I learned that being self-reflective was the same as being self-absorbed but I’m here to tell you there’s a HUGE difference between being self aware and being selfish and narcissistic. Caring about yourself doesn’t automatically make you stop caring about others. I’m telling you that it’s OKAY to care about yourself. Even Dr. Phil says that Self Matters.
Creating a healthy and loving inner dialogue creates inner peace, it creates inner health, and it becomes expressed through your personality as confidence. Confidence is a type of courage we express as vulnerability. Women are automatically drawn to men who are happy, healthy, and willingly vulnerable.
“Confidence” is being open to the world while vulnerable, and “lack of confidence” is expressed as being guarded, shy or outwardly angry.
When you are willing to challenge your inner mindsets and beliefs you can change the bad one’s for good ones. And changing how you think will change how you feel.
Can’t settle your monkey mind down so that you can relax? Want the success that Hugh Jackman or Howard Stern? Learn how to meditate!
And how is self reflection good for your erections? Because scientists believe that impotence is commonly associated with the self-esteem of a man.
Self-Reflect + Self-Correct = Self-Respect
It’s Good For Your Career
You can blame the world for being unfair OR you can get in the game son! We ALL have seen these articles explaining that the more attractive applicant get’s the job. If you’re as skilled as the next person then of course they’re going to hire the better looking options.
Did you know that Elvis Presley was blonde? But he wanted to be more like his idols so he dyed it black. And it did wonders for his career.
Try this – lose some weight, shave more often, get a great hair cut, and buy some new suits… then tell me it doesn’t improve your work life.
Vanity Enhances Mate Choice
Everything I’ve been talking about isn’t so that you can sit at home masterbating into a mirror, it’s so that you can meet women. Quality women!
Women are attracted to men who “look good,” who look healthy (from working out and clean diet), who dress well (fashion,) who seem confident and relaxed (from self reflection, improved inner dialogue, and meditation) and who are focused on their careers. And that perfectly describes a guy who has awareness of his life, himself, and how he looks in the mirror.
Remember, “meating” women takes more than knowing what to say… you also have to look the part (of her future ex-husband.)