Comments on: 10 Reasons “Nice Guys” Finish Last

By: Robby

Robby — Tue, 17 Jan 2012 15:01:14 +0000

That’s fantastic! Have fun!

By: Fred

Fred — Tue, 17 Jan 2012 14:36:08 +0000

I understand, Robby, and you’re perfectly right. Give and take is the name of the game. Scratch my back I’ll scratch yours and so on…
As for being alone, that’s never been a problem for me, I’ve always enjoyed solitude, it builds character and has allowed my creative side to flourish.
But even that is soon to be of the past: I’m getting married in a few months. Yep, this one’s getting hitched, I’ve finally found a woman worth my efforts and my time after 20 years of fooling around.
Love is not dead, guys, it just has a very distinct knock and you have to recognize it and be able to open the door when it does knock.
Good luck to all and be safe in your meetings.

By: Robby

Robby — Tue, 17 Jan 2012 12:06:33 +0000

Amazing comment, thanks Fred!

I might warn you that being selfish is another way we let the world control us… when we react to the outside world by blocking them out emotionally we might be keeping ourselves safe, but ultimately it leaves us alone and guarded. Don’t stay too jaded about your past… there is a fun healthy balance of selfishness and selflessness that FEELS good.

There’s also a surprising satisfaction we feel when we GIVE instead of TAKE. I believe love, for example, is something we can only feel when we GIVE it. That’s why women can be creeped out by stalkers… because these women don’t love their stalkers back.

What’s my point? I’ve forgotten. Thanks for the comment!

By: Fred

Fred — Tue, 17 Jan 2012 10:39:41 +0000

I agree with just about every points you’ve made, Robby. I’m the “bad boy” you constantly talk about, I can’t help it, I like women and I love sex but I also love myself enough to know that no one is going to love ME more or better than MYSELF. (Yes, I can be selfish, and it’s my prerogative). It took some hard work to undo all the traumas I suffered in childhood and my youth experiences have taught me that we are born ALONE and we die ALONE, no woman is going to change that.
I will not write about what women want or the way they are because every woman is different and I suspect that more than half of them don’t even know what they want, it’s our ‘job’ as guys to help them make up their mind by being honest about what we want and what we’re about.
My advice?
Love YOURSELF and you won’t need a woman to do it for you, she’ll need you to do it for her

By: Mike Masters

Mike Masters — Thu, 05 Jan 2012 11:00:51 +0000

I will back you up here Rob, simply because the behavior of men that get this label IS childish. Plus the word “creepy” is the word most women use, and there really isn’t a better description for some of the creepy shit guys do to women. (I have to admit though that the West is nothing, creepiness knows no bounds in Japan)

Oh hey, creepy commenter. I am fluent in Japanese and the word “hentai” or “sukebe” is used constantly and is not shunned as being childish. So clearly you know nothing about Japan except what you have learned from the Hentai porn you watch.

And Rob, you are so gracious. If guys like this take an arrogant dump on my blog I am not kind.

By: Robby

Robby — Wed, 04 Jan 2012 14:02:04 +0000

Thanks dude. I bet you don’t like the word “Dude” either eh?
Or the word “eh”?

I’m Canadian.

The word “creepy” isn’t childish. That’s like saying the word “vagina” is childish.

Wow.. the word “vagina” is actually kinda creepy!

Ask ANY woman of ANY age if the word “creepy” still applies and you’ll discover there’s no other word that’s as perfect for describing the uncomfortable/dangerous feeling some guys give women.

Ask around and you’ll see that I’m right. Unless I have some female readers that disagree? Perhaps I’m about to learn something…

By: Reader

Reader — Wed, 04 Jan 2012 04:03:48 +0000

Robby, thanks for your books. They’ve been insightful and helpful.
However, it might help to drop the “creepy” tagline. You’re not in middle school anymore. And I hope your female friends and acquaintances have grown past that childish adjective. It’s close to use of “hentai” in Japan – often used inappropriately to describe uncomfortable advances or peculiar male behavior.

By: kalpak

kalpak — Wed, 23 Nov 2011 15:19:34 +0000

This post are great. Everything is so true and practical. You are great Robby. I can relate myself in many ways ti the things mentioned here!!

By: Robby

Robby — Mon, 03 Oct 2011 12:36:11 +0000

Great comment dude, thanks for being so open and honest! I’ll send you an email with my thoughts. Basically it takes courage to grow and heal from past traumas (thanks Dad!) I can give you some suggestions but the hard work is yours… but I’ve seen enough guys and girls pick themselves up to KNOW it’s possible and KNOW it’s definitely worth the effort!

By: Anthony

Anthony — Fri, 16 Sep 2011 20:40:37 +0000

I AM that guy you mentioned – last girl shook me up bad because I realized how freakin’ needy I was and she was a critical, judgmental and egotistical girl who I felt was “damaged enough” for me – healthy girls wouldn’t touch a guy like me.

My problem is that I feel like a piece of crap about myself and it shows – I’ve been working hard on it, but it is so deeply ingrained (alcoholic Italian father worked my self-esteem to nothing over 20 years – feels irreversible) that I don’t feel that I will ever be able to “fake it ’til I make it” because I have been faking it my whole life – I get the girls, but the neediness comes through eventually and I blow the relationship. Someone might say “you gotta love yourself” or “just have fun with your life without a girl, they will see you having fun and flock to you” but I can’t love myself, it has been too much self-hatred ingrained and I don’t have fun because all I focus on is finding someone to love and accept me and everything else has no flavor without that.

I HAVE noticed that I just don’t get any attention from girls most of the time. I smile at them, chat when I have the chance, but they just seem to have ZERO interest. I project confidence from years of practice, but it is usually the aggressive, damaged girls that pick me out.

I don’t want to give up here, but I am getting close to it. What is the “game-plan” for the really needy guy once he has played the “game” and got the girl? How do I avoid the inevitable collapse into neediness when it is always there and all it takes is one anxious moment to expose it after dating for a while?

I KNOW that I need to change my thinking, but I am realistic about the damage that has been done to me and how far I would have to travel to get there – if it’s even possible.

Please don’t flame me here, if you only knew the emptiness and frustration I feel about this, or could walk in my shoes for a week, you would totally understand my situation.