The H.A.T.E Method of dating.

I’ve spent many years exploring, testing and interpreting the major components of successful dating strategies (for men) and I’ve distilled them into four major categories:

H = Heal

A = Action & Attraction

T = Tease

E = Escalate

H = HEAL

Before any man can learn to attract and keep a confident and beautiful woman he’s going to have to take some time developing himself. For some men this first step is brief, easy, and is drawn from a life of confidence and success. For the rest of us, and dare I say that’s most of us, this first step is not only the most overlooked, but it’s also the least appreciated.

We can spend our entire lives trying to understand the deep psychology of the female mind and her sexual motivations, but unless we’re acting from our own deep core of stability, inner confidence, and esteem, our outward expressions towards women can be unbalanced, unhealthy and ultimately fruitless. Sometimes this inner personal development is referred to as inner game. If dating is a “game” then this is the internal preparations that are required long before you even bother going out to meet women. It’s your beliefs about yourself that dictate how you act and behave.

Imagine that you were in a terrible fire and most of your skin was burnt or damaged. For the next few months your skin would be terribly raw and would be extremely painful to the touch. If someone came along and wanted to lightly touch your skin you’d likely react badly to them. But once your skin was completely healed you’d likely feel fine with people touching your skin again. When we date and experience a life time of emotional traumas, heartaches, disappointments and personal rejections our inner emotional body can become damaged and raw. What we overlook is that it’s through this damaged emotional skin that we interact intimately with others.

If we have a damaged emotional body (negative body image, resentment towards women, bitterness, low self-esteem) we can act defensive and guarded in an effort to keep ourselves, and our beliefs about ourselves, safe.

Being defensive and guarded makes intimacy very, very difficult.

Therefore we must start with a healing self introspection stage which is the letter H in The H.A.T.E Method of dating. This stage is the FIRST stage, but should NEVER be used as a reason for stalling the rest of the stages. As long as you understand that there are some inner development issues you need to attend to in your “garden of beliefs” then you should feel free to explore and experiment with all of the other stages of The H.A.T.E Method as well.

A = ACTION & ATTRACTION

If any guy who is “bad” with women simply took more action (cold approaches, self development, social networking) he would immediately and incrementally become more attractive to women - automatically. It’s so simple it’s disgusting. Just like eating less causes most over-weight men to lose weight, talking to more girls causes “shy” men to date more women.

Attraction doesn’t have to be an accident. Too many men are hoping to win the lottery while the highly successful few are earning their own fortunes. The few men who are “amazing” with women are the same guys who have decided not to leave attraction to chance. You can learn how to save money and build a fortune just like you can learn how to meet and attract beautiful women.

I dated for years misunderstanding the fundamentals of attraction. I used to think that women wanted to be friends FIRST and that over time they would inevitably become attracted to me, especially if I was super-size nice. This is a long-term strategy that rarely works. I’m now simply too lazy for this approach and have since learned it’s not necessary.

Attraction doesn’t take a life-time to build - it happens naturally and within moments.

My focus within this blog will cover the specific insights that bring about instant and long-term attraction in women. Keep in mind that ALL methods of attracting women will work when done correctly, even if some ideas conflict directly with other ideas, it all depends on the man who’s using them. Ultra alpha-confident men can get away with pretty much any pickup line, and any approach style to attract women. It’s not the methods that work but the underlining MEANING behind them. It’s not what these guys are doing but who they’re being that draws women to them so “naturally.”

Those men who have endless success with women and dating are the same men who are willing to take more action than the rest. Those who succeed in their life pursuits are always the men who have been willing to fail the most.

Successful dating requires this same mindset: be willing to take more action (as I’ll outline throughout this blog) and you’ll automatically create more attraction.

T = TEASE

After you’ve managed to create attraction then it’s time to build a connection.

When we were kids we intuitively understood the process for building and creating friendships: storytelling, sharing, playing, play-fighting, trusting, and physical contact. The ultimate bonding activities always included some type of play.

I’ve never fully understood the psychology behind this, but teasing each other can always been found within the foundations of bonding and rapport. We learn that we shouldn’t openly express our feelings towards our friends, or at least we learn being open and obvious isn’t fun, so instead we’ve learned to sub-communicate our affection towards each other through verbal game playing. For example being sarcastic to help mislead our intentions is an amazing form of social play.

If we learn to understand and appreciate how our intentions affect the way we tease others we can learn a very fun way to bond with women. If our intention is to hurt someone then teasing can be a powerfully destructive tool. But if our intent is good natured and fun, then teasing appropriately can be a powerfully constructive tool.

Flirting IS teasing, in case you haven’t yet made that connection. Since teasing is a skill set it’s something you can learn and master over time. This is exactly why you should immediately start teasing and playing with everyone woman you meet. Understanding the fine line between being a tease and being a bully will help you develop amazing trust and rapport.

E = ESCALATE

I can’t count how many times in my past where I finally built up the courage to talk to a girl only to have an amazing conversation that went nowhere. Cold approaching women is an amazing skill to have (it’s easier than you think), but if you’re unwilling to continuously escalate your interactions with women then you’ll simply end up in the dating purgatory we call the “Friends Zone.” This place is a stagnant and embarrassing place to be, and can almost always be explained by a man’s lack of escalation.

Simply learning the natural stages of dating will immediately help you bridge the gaps from meeting her to becoming intimately involved.

If you get these four foundations of dating under your belt you’ll not only find that you’ve earned the secret keys to the kingdom, but you’ll start kicking yourself for all of the silly things you used to do. Being “Full of Hate” doesn’t just have to be about personal anger and bitterness but can be the tool that you use to pivot yourself out of despair into an affair.

I will be dedicating this blog to the concepts of healing, taking action to build attraction, teasing her to pleasing her, and all of the steps in between.

~ Robby