Question:

Why do I treat this guy like crap?

8 months ago I slept with this guy, lets call him Mark. He was notorious for being a lady’s man, pretty boy.. bit of a slag to be honest lol.. I slept with him (not really knowing this nor him) and 8 months later, I somehow still have him hooked. He’s actually asked me to marry him twice. I think maybe because I was so off, is what made him so keen. Probably not used to it, lol.

He’s such a nice guy and loves me alot… he’s gorgeous and caring and would do, and does do, anything for me… (I don’t make him do rediculous stuff.)

I go thru phases with him and I just don’t know why.

He’s the first guy since my ex of 4 years (we split a year ago) and I go thru like a week where I just adore him… Then a week or a few days, where I push him away and can’t stand him being anywhere near me? WHY?! It’s doing my head in, but I genuinely get random rage for him lol.. Sometimes he even tries it on and I find myself physically repulsed.. But he’s gorgeous and most of the time I don’t.. I mean no one is repulsed by this man!

I talk down to him sometimes because I can, and because he takes it

I don’t want to be this horrible person anymore… I won’t commit to him, but at the same time, I’m not interested in other people. I keep telling him to walk, but he won’t. We fight all the time because he can’t stand that I’m not his and doesn’t like me being round other guys. To the point where he’ll fight people to stay away from me. We fall out for a few days. Then I come crawling back after ignoring his constant texts/calls!

Why do I behave like this?

Answer:

I actually know the answer to this because I’ve seen and experienced it first hand.

Women, unknowingly, will test the man she’s with. This “testing” will never stop, but it WILL get worse the more her man fails these tests.

Strange I know.

Here’s why…

How can a woman know if her man is really who he says he is? How can she learn to trust his masculine power, his integrity or character?

She tests him.

And mostly she does this completely unconsciously.

Most girls have no idea they’re even doing this. Hence your confusion.

What’s happening for you is this – you like this guy BUT you don’t truly trust his masculine self. This doesn’t mean you think he’s going to cheat, or that he’s going to hurt you. What you don’t trust is that he’s going to keep you safe, or that he’s going to always be who he says he is. Again, this could all be happening unconsciously. Instead all you have to work with are your feelings. And your feelings are saying “I’m frustrated with him… grrrrrr.”

So, while feeling confused (you like him yet you’re frustrated that he’s such a push-over… secretly you want him to be more assertive and masculine) you “test” him by becoming grumpy and bitchy.

What does this test?

It tests his boundaries.

It tests his composure.

It tests his patience.

It tests his response to your negative energy.

How does he pass this test?

He stays composed. He immediately makes it clear that this bitchy behavior is not okay, and he reminds you of his boundaries.

How does he fail this test?

He apologizes for things he’s not responsible for… he pussyfoots around you, and ultimately lets you walk all over him.

A man who’s really into a girl will often let her act badly towards him simply because he thinks that standing up for himself will risk the relationship. He puts her on a pedestal but then can’t understand why she’s resenting him for it.

From my experience women don’t want to be on a pedestal, away from their lover; they want to be equal to each other.

Real men stay awesome.

Ultimately you want to respect your man, but how can you respect a guy who’s willing to let you treat him this way. Your mood changes test his ability to “be a man” but he’s failing. This only encourages you to further test him… perhaps because you’re hoping that he’ll either leave (as he should) or that he’ll suddenly put you in your place (which he should.) Because you could at least respect him for that.

So you’re being a dick simply because your emotional body wants your boyfriend to have a backbone, have some balls, and be more MASCULINE.

Ready anything by David Deida to really get a grasp on what all this means.

I hope this helps a little…

~ Robby

Question:

Help, I still love my ex?

My EX dumped me last sunday, and I still love him!

He dumped me over the phone and said we are more friends than a couple. He has later said its because of the distance and age gap (im 18 and he is 27.)

I cant get over him. I have tried and tried but I cant, everyone I have spoken to have said not to let him win and to be strong but i can’t. I just want to be cuddled up with him. Over christmas he was talking about getting married and I don’t know why he has done this too me.

I have even thought about hurting myself to get away from it.

Everything reminds me of him. I cry myself to sleep every night. I have tried to get out and look for someone else but every time I lay in bed I just think of him. Everyone has said he is not good enough for me but I loved him.

What can I do to help myself?

Don't trust your feelings... use your head!

Answer:

Think of it like this. I’m a big fat guy. I know that eating chocolate cake is not good for my well being. I WANT to eat that cake. I desire it. I LOVE IT!

But I choose to not eat it. Why? Because I love myself enough to know what’s good for me.

Instead I choose something else that tastes good, and which also enriches my life with energy, power, strength, and longevity.

You are the fat kid who wants cake.

You seem confused between loving him and being with him.

It’s okay to love him, but that is NOT a reason to be with him. Your love for him is natural, and will not suddenly fade just because you broke up last week. It takes time to heal.

As I lose weight my desire for chocolate cake fades, and my appreciation for myself grows. This is what will happen for you as well.

Of course you can’t realize this right now because all you see and feel is hurt. It’s almost impossible for you to imagine what it’ll feel like when you’re strong and happy. What you feel in this moment is what’s painting all of your thoughts. It’s like you’re drunk and you’re trying to do hard math… almost impossible under the weight of your current emotions.

Just have some awareness of your thoughts because if you sit at home thinking about him it’ll only hurt you more.

Instead you need to accept the breakup, appreciate the time you had together, and allow yourself the room to grow and mature and heal.

Thinking about him is like thinking about that chocolate cake when you can’t have it. STOP IT.

Remember: There’s nothing as good at helping you forget an ex as meeting someone new worth getting to know.

Love yourself until you meet someone new worth sharing your time with.
~ Robby

Top Thumbnail is from this photographer.

Your penis does the least amount of thinking. I was on the phone with a client of mine, and we were talking about how many guys are totally about validation. When they walk over to a woman, all they are thinking about is whether she will like them.

In reality, what is going on in that situation is that your penis is talking to you. It is saying, “Hey, Mr. Big Head up there. Yeah, you between the shoulders. Mr. Penis here. Listen, man, I think this girl is really hot and really want to get into her. So try not to f^*k it up this time. Please don’t say the wrong thing, because I really want to hit that vagina tonight. Please don’t f^*k it up and say that stupid thing you said last time you approached a woman. Play it safe this time.”

This is what your penis is doing. Your penis is controlling your head. If it wasn’t, then your head would be thinking “I’m a cool guy. Man, I’m awesome. I’m great. There is a pretty girl over there, but who cares? There are tons of pretty girls in the world. I’m just looking for the one I can really connect with who really gets me. Let me go over and talk to her and see what she’s all about. Let’s see if I even like her at all. I’ll ask her out for a cup of coffee and get to know her a little bit.”

That is what the rational mind would be saying. The problem, however, is that we are so driven by what’s inside our pants. We are so driven by Mr. Penis. Since Mr. Penis doesn’t understand anything rational, he gives his power away every single time.

So the next time you see a good-looking woman, stop looking for validation. Stop listening to Mr. Penis. When you do that, you will realize that you are an amazing person.

This is exactly what I did so that my penis never controlled how successful my approaches were. CLICK HERE to listen to me go through it step-by-step.

~ David

Today’s thumbnail is by this photographer!

Your Mindsets Are Everything.

There seems to be two distict types of guys (with a gradient in between) who either think, “I hope I have a chance with her” or they think “I wonder if I should choose this girl…”

It’s the difference between chasing girls and being chased.

And guess what? Girls are far more attracted to men they chase over men who chase them.

Just realize this: what you THINK influences everything about how people perceive you, especially the beautiful women you’re eager to meat (that’s not a misspell.)

Why?

Consider this: women are very wary of the strange men who line up to meet them so they’ve unconsoiusly developed strong empathic abilities…. abilities to determine a man’s intent before he even opens his mouth. Women can see you coming a mile away, and like Sherlock Homes they can determine what your intent is based entirely on your demenour, saunter, stance, stagger, walk, and swagger.

Your bodylangauge tells her everything.

If you need advice on how to walk, talk and move just watch Ocean’s Eleven and pay attention to George Clooney and Brad Pitt. Every movement they express is calm and cool. There is nothing awkward about how they move. Copy them.

She knows if you’re nervous, arrogant, cocky, happy, sad, mad, or even dangerous or harmless.

This is because your body language displays your inner beleifs about yourself. Every move and gesture you make says something about you. And she knows this.

Read this to learn more: http://www.fullofhateandreadytodate.com/blog/women-are-illogical/

Negative Mindsets

And the fastest way to determine how you see yourself is to pay attention to what you SAY to yourself.

Pay attention to kinds of thoughts you have about yourself, especially in relation to women.

Here are a list of common NEGATIVE mindsets many men have, that you should AVOID!

1) “I hope she thinks I’m good looking.”

2) “I wonder why type of guy she likes.”

3) “I wonder if I have any chance at all with this girl.”

4) “I hope I get lucky tonight!”

See how obvious AWKWARD people are?

Here are some of the negative types of questions men ask women:

Example 1, Example 2, Example 3, Example 4, Example 5

Positive Mindsets

If your goal is to meet and attract more women into your life then you need to get this part of yourself handled! Either you’re a man of integrety and VALUE (positive mindsets – high self esteem) or you’re a guy who thinks all women have more value (poor mindsets – low self esteem.)

It’s about time you start putting yourself first and realizing your own value!

To get you started down a new and more powerful path I want to suggest the following mindsets….

1) “I feel as good as I look! I hope she’s looking good tonight, I love how cute she’s is.”

2) “I’ve been working hard on myself for years and I’m proud of who I’ve become. Now I’m looking for a girl who can fit within the awesome path I’m on.”

3) “The last thing I want to do is mislead her or waste my time chasing a girl who’s not really interested. So I hope she gains my interest, otherwise I’ll keep looking. Either way I’ll make the most of tonight with her.”

4) “If she plays her cards right tonight she just might get lucky!”

Can you feel the difference between the first mindsets and these new ones?

George is the definition of cool and confident.

Your purpose should be to lift yourself up and to see yourself as equal to the hottest girl you’re ever going to meet. As soon as you think some random stranger had more value than you, especially based only on her appearance, you’ve lost all hope of attracting her. She will feel your desperate need pulling on her.

But, if you’ve worked on yourself, you make every new woman you meet EARN the value you give her, then she’ll feel that as well and she’ll unknowingly want to work for your approval.

Confused?

Don’t confuse cocky and arrogant with confident and assured. Being cocky is about puffing up your chest as fake display of power and value. Cocky guys will strut around pretending to be cool and awesome. But it’s these types of guys women can see a mile away… anyone can. Being fake is being fake.

Arrogant cocky guys will try to push everyone else down, and will feel the desperate need to prove how awesome they are. That’s why they get in bar fights and that’s why they seem to treat women poorly. It’s an imature need to dominate others in order to feel validated and safe.

The Trainwreck

But confidence is different. A confident guy doesn’t have a problem with other guys also being confident. He doesn’t need to challenge and dominate others in order to feel secure and safe. Being aware of your own value based on your past expereinces and beliefs is enough. While cocky guys needs to belittle others, confidence guys will give praise where it’s due.

Don’t try to be cocky, just relax and be confident.

Finally

Guys who “get it” CHOOSE the women they spend time with… guys who “don’t get it” can only hope on CHANCE.

Women WANT to earn their ways into your heart. There’s value in that.

They will NOT value being placed upon a pedistal while being idolized. There is no value in that.

So STOP chasing girls and start CHOOSING who you wish to be with.

~ Robby

Today’s Top Thumbnail is from this photographer.

Question:

My girlfriend just left me and I don’t know why!

I’m having a very difficult time with this break-up. My girlfriend of 10 months out of the blue says she doesn’t think she is in love with me anymore. Just days before, she was affectionate and telling me she loved me. 30 days b4 that, she sent me a text saying that she saw an elderly couple holding hands & just knew that that’s what we would be like when we get that age together. I asked her if she met another guy, but she said no (that would have been closure for me at least).

She is on anti-depressants, and is on a lot of pressure right now. She has the bar exam coming up.

Also, just before all this happened, she had a job lined up that didn’t pan out (she’s down to her last $1000 for rent) , her cat had peed on the nice new furniture that we got, her verbally abusive ex husband started harassing her again, and all her friends were teasing her that I was going to propose to her at Christmas, which I was, but didn’t tell anyone. I was also supposed to move in with her to help pay for half of her rent.

I really don’t know what happened or what caused her to say that. She always said how much she loved me and how lucky she was to have me in her life. We were both lucky to have each other! She is 36 & I’m 47 but I look and act more like 30.

She always said that I have too much energy. So it’s not the age thing.

We got along great together, and rarely fought. I knew from the 1st moment I met her that she was the one for me. I have never been married, but she has been divorced for over 2 years. She has been on the anti-depressants since her divorce. I have never seen any change in her mood till she failed her bar exam back in Nov. No matter what I tried to say to help her feel better, I couldn’t help her. Now that she says it’s over, I’m having an extremely difficult time.

I feel like I not only have lost my girlfriend, but also my best friend, and future wife! My heart aches for her more and more every second of every day that we are apart. I’m just hoping that she will clear her mind after she writes the 3 day bar exam , and realizes she has made a terrible mistake breaking up our relationship. This was also a long distance relationship where I did the majority of the flying out of choice.We were so close to being together after 10 months of commuting. I just hope it was a combination of all the stress that she has been under. I’m hoping and praying that she will come back to me. I am not going to call her, but I am going to send her a nice card just before her 3 day exam saying good luck to her and I know she can pass this exam cause she has worked so hard for it. I am just so heartbroken right now.

I am at the lowest point of my life, ever!

Answer:

The pain doesn’t matter. Like a cut on your arm doesn’t matter. Its how you react to these life challenges that matters most.

Just like your physical body you have an emotional body. It’s like your creamy soft vulnerable center. And this part of you is most exposed when you’re in love with someone. So when she leaves you it feels like a very real piece of yourself is injured.

Here’s what I recommend you try to help the healing …

1) Perhaps bring your guard back up with women (The male version of a Bitch Shield?) … but only temporarily. Don’t rush out to meet someone new until you can lower this guard, otherwise you’ll have intimacy issues.

This is just so that can protect your emotional body while it heals.

2) Just like a scab on your knee you MUST NOT PICK IT! Your pain will not heal if you’re sitting at home feeling sorry for yourself. Allow yourself a little time of feeling pity for yourself, but then STOP IT.

This may seem difficult, but you must trust yourself to let it go when ever it comes up in your head. Like a path through the amazon forest, the more you track over and over a certain path in your mind the easier it is to walk back over it. Your incessant thinking about how hurt you are will only make it easier and easier to fall into a depression.

Stop that!

You must be the courageous man you’ve grown up to be, and force yourself to stop thinking about her when ever you catch yourself doing it.

3) Re-engage your closest friends. Not to have pity parties, but to reconnect with important people. Learn to be a good listener and find out what’s going on with everyone else. Bring your deepest and most sincere self to the table. This type of connecting with people you love will help you heal AND will help you realize how isolated you made yourself when you were smothering this ex girlfriend. Then learn to keep your social ties strong next time you’re in a serious relationship.

4) Re-connect with your deepest passions. Sports? Hobbies? Woodworking? Work? The busier you make yourself, the less time you have to sulk. Reconnect with your religion if you have one.

When you find your deepest purpose you’re really connecting with yourself (the most important person in this equation.)

This is the best time of your life to remember how important you are to yourself. Build rapport with yourself. Build appreciation.

Losing a loved one sucks, but everyone goes through it. It’s time to put the focus back on you and your needs so that you can safely heal without too many battle scars.

Best of luck!

~ Robby

The top thumbnail is from this photographer.

Question:

Is my jealously getting in the way?

I have been with this girl for now a little over 4 months. She is the one, I am completely convinced. I have full trust in her and she has full trust in me.

But there’s one problem.

Last week she made the comment that every time she mentions a guy, or one of her “guy friends” I have something negative to say about him. Which is true, at first I didn’t wand to admit it but I have to. And the textbook, dictionary definition for this is unfortunately jealously….I don’t get it though…

I know she’s not going to hurt me, and I’m not even worried that the guys she talks about are going to “make a move” on her. I’m mad at myself more than anything…She really hasn’t said anything other than you just have to trust me (which I do) but the feeling is still there. And now, she’s taking a dance class so now I have the new aggravation of the thought of other guys grabbing her waist and what not…..please help me

Jealousy makes you look douchie.

Answer:

First realize something about emotions… they are NOT rational. It’s not a bad idea to re-enforce your reasons for trusting her, and your reasons to NOT be jealous. But realize that your emotions aren’t necessarily going to be affected by your logic.

Listen, I’m a fat guy.

I love chocolate cake.

When I see chocolate cake I FEEL hungry for it. I crave it. The more I think about the cake the more my body responds with emotions.

I can’t rationalize away the hunger, it just is. That’s how all of our feelings work.

But I can change the behaviors I have that lead me to craving the cake, just like you can change your behaviors that lead you to feeling jealous.

HOW?

1) Stop your initial reactions from being expressed. If she tells you some guy flirted with her it’s YOUR job to not react, even if it’s burning you up inside. It’s your reaction to your jealousy that’s going to make all the difference.

When you react in some negative way you’re encouraging your emotional reactions to continue, and you’re encouraging your girlfriend to no longer trust sharing with you.

It’s about having composure.

Don’t get mad, just DANCE!

2) Take some time to acknowledge you’re having these emotional responses, without encouraging them. Don’t apologize for them. Just notice when they’re show up in your life. It’s this awareness that helps guys like us bring about change. Stay composed.

Composure brings trust, self assurance, and even pride.

3) Don’t mull over your negative feelings even though you’ll want to. There’s a HUGE difference between feeling jealous, and knowingly having negative thoughts that encourage those same emotions. This is just mental masterbation that prolongs the experience.

And there’s nothing as addictive as emotions.

This is why we often feel GOOD when we’re being jealous. It’s a surge of emotions and adrenaline. But logically we need to recognize when these are childish fantasies that only lessen our power as men.

This is why I must knowingly avoid thoughts of bad foods like cake. I realize this will only make my cravings worse.

And when I catch myself doing it I don’t get upset, I don’t fret, I don’t feel embarrassed, I don’t get mad.

I simply laugh with myself and I let it go. That’s it.

Composure.

Don’t beat yourself up about it, initial jealousy is completely natural – no matter how much you love and trust your partner. Just don’t reinforce these emotions by reacting. Have composure!

I’d recommend reading more about the concept of “attachment” and how it can rule us. The Dalai Lama writes about this a lot actually! It’s your attachment to her that creates the emotions of jealousy. Strange and true.

I hope this helps you regain your control…

~ Robby

Today’s top thumbnail is from www.hotchickswithdouchebags.com.

I’m in college and just got over a break up and now am out as a young single man.

I talk to girls and they flirt back, I even have hooked up with a few on the way, but either none of them I really never had a good connection with or none of them really wanted to take that next step into a relationship.

I like being around girls and I love hanging out with them but idk, I kinda want to meet that one special someone and I feel I might be rushing it.

Is it really my fault for wanting to find the one so soon?

A: Yes.

You just might be like a starving man in the dessert.

Hungry for food – hungry for love, attention, affection.

Are you hungry for attention, affection or love?

Instead you need to realize that you have all the kitchen space at home to feed yourself until you burst! Find a way to give YOURSELF all the attention, affection and love you think you need from a relationship.

Only then will you have abundance.

Only then will you see that you don’t need a relationship to feel completely happy and fulfilled. Only then will you be the truly happy man women crave and desire.

Otherwise you’ll always come across as the needy guy she wants to avoid.

And while you’re figuring this out for yourself you should focus on your career, your passions, and your life direction.

Learn how to 'feed' yourself and you'll always look and feel loved!

Master yourself so that you can BRING something to a relationship instead of trying to TAKE something from a relationship.

I hope this makes sense!

Best of luck dude,
~ Robby

Today’s awesome thumbnail photo is by this photographer!

Q: There is a girl I love so much but now she has started cheating on me.

She always says that if I can’t cope with her new life then we should break up. She has offended me on many occassions but I forgave her each time.

I privide her with everything that she demands and we’ve talked with our pastor, family and friends.

I need your advice because she hasn’t changed her character.

WILL THIS GIRL CHANGE AND HOW I CAN HER CHANGE?!

A: We teach people how to treat us.

If your behaviors communicate that it’s okay for her to treat you poorly, then she has no reason to change.

By willingly sticking around after she’s cheated you’ve taught her that your time, energy, and good faith are not valuable. If you’re willing to accept poor behavior from someone you love, then it tells me you have weak boundaries.

Its not about telling her your boundaries and “hoping” she’ll stick with them, it’s about SHOWING her. Keep your deep composure no matter how much it hurts, and simply walk away from her. (This is after she’s proven to never change her ways.)

Women turn to their men for security and feelings of safety. This is sometimes why they will challenge or “test” us by being bratty or seemingly unreasonable. This is their way of “testing” to see if we’re man enough to defend ourselves and our beliefs, or if we’re weak and pathetic.

She wants you to have healthy boundaries and will constantly be testing those boundaries. Some women (and men) truly feel more LOVED when they’re put in their place for being ‘bad.’ If you’re too ‘nice’ and you let her walk all over you, she will have NO reason to respect you – and that’s exactly what she deeply wants to do – respect you.

It’s not your job to father her into a respectable girl, it’s only your job to be honest with her – but more importantly honest with yourself.

Your problem is that you’ve “rationalized” reasons for staying with her, even though deep down you know she’s never going to change. Do one of these “reasons” look familiar to you?

a) Perhaps a part of you thinks you deserve the abuse.

b) Perhaps you’re too fearful of being alone and experiencing the world as a single MAN.

c) Perhaps you believe you’ll never find anyone better.

d) Perhaps you think ‘love’ is enough to fix all problems.

e) Perhaps you think you’ve invested too much to just quit.

These are all self delusion and it’s time to face them.

Ask yourself these three questions:

1) Is it possible that I could find happiness with someone who treats me better, and has more character?

2) Would I feel more proud of myself if I stopped letting her make a fool out of me by calmly walking away from her?

3) How can she ever respect me if I keep accepting her bad behavior?

FINAL THOUGHTS:

“If you must play, decide on three things at the start; the rules of the gfame, the stakes, and the quitting time.” ~ Chinese Proverb

Here’s a Quote from my favorite Genius Tim Ferriss:

“Just because something has been a lot of work or consumed a lot of time doesn’t make it productive or worthwhile.

Just because you are embarrassed to admit that you’re still living the consequences of a bad decision made years ago shouldn’t stop  you from making good decisions now. Don’t let pride stop you.”

My advice? Time to move on, but learn from this experience.

It’s not about changing her – it’s about having the self-love and self-preservation to change yourself and to build healthy loving boundaries while expecting those you allow into your life to respect them.

Take care and good luck!

~ Robby

Today’s top photo is thanks to this photographer.

So I’ve been seeing this guy for 6 months now. At the beginning he stressed honesty and trust was important to him and told me that he just got out of a 4 year relationship. Concerned that he wasn’t ready for anything yet, I asked him if he wanted to just see other girls and he told me he only wanted to see me.

I was still skeptical about it but I went ahead with this anyway.

Things were going great and then he went away for a group vacation with his ex, which they had planned together months before. Since he came back things were different, he didn’t really put forth the same effort as he did before. Recently he told me he realized he was being a jerk and the reason he was behaving that way was because the moment it reminded him of a relationship he froze.

Now he’s just plain confused.

He doesn’t know what he wants anymore and I’m getting the idea that he’s just too scared to end it.

Could it be possible that he still wants it to work out?

Last time we spoke we tried to compromise “arrangements” and such (ie. how often we talk, see each other and such.) but could he just be stalling?

I’m just really confused at this point. I’ve told him I don’t mind trying to work on things, and all I’ve gotten in response to anything is “I don’t know.”

A few specifics that have pushed me beyond confusion:

-He tells me he feels guilty for keeping me in this and selfish above anything else, and hints at me seeing other guys, as long as I tell him about it.
-He got angry when I told him I saw him as just a friend.
-We have had sex on plenty occasions but at times he’ll refrain from having sex because he wants to “prove to me that he enjoys my company.”

A: First of all, thanks for the email I appreciate it.

I definitely have a few thoughts on your situation.

Important points to pay attention to:

1. He came out of a 4 year relationship.
2. It’s only been 6 months.
3. He was dating you exclusively but still went on vacation with his ex.
4. He’s been acting distant and will even encourage you to date other guys.

I think I know what’s going on with him.

I was married once, to a girl I was with for about 9 years. Eventually I ended it, which was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. And afterward I felt horribly guilty for the pain our divorce caused her. Unfortunately I brought this pain with me when ever I started dating new girls.

As a matter of fact it was this “guilt” that made me keep all my “girlfriends” at a distance.

What I was doing was keeping them at a comfortable distance where I wouldn’t feel bad if we broke up. This is why most of my relationships lasted 3 months. My REAL fear was that if I dated a girl for more than 3 months, but wasn’t REALLY into her, that every moment we spent together would be a “lie” and that I was only leading her on.

When girls wanted more I’d instantly want less.

Perhaps in your case your boyfriend is having this same dilemma?

You’re MORE into him than he is into you, and he’s feel “bad” because he feels like he’s leading you on. He’s confused because he wants to date other women BUT he likes the attention you bring him. PLUS you’re likely a well spoken girl who treats him well… so he’s confused.

Here is my point: He’s unsure about your future together so he’s feeling like he’s leading you on by continuing to date you –  meanwhile you’re becoming more and more attached to him (or so he thinks.)

What’s the solution?

That’s a tough one.

1) Talking through how he’s feeling, and being really open to his thoughts is a MUST. If you can make it clear to him that you’re just as frustrated with the future of your relationship as he is, perhaps he’ll relax. He needs to believe that he can tell you anything without it destroying you. We guys will sometimes keep our truths to ourselves for fear we’ll hurt you – which is silly.

2) You need to decide for yourself what your needs are and if he can meet them anymore. There’s NOTHING wrong with having needs and desires, and if he’s being “unsure” for TOO LONG then he’s no longer helping the relationship – he’s hurting it. Decide for yourself how much longer you’re willing to wait around for him to get back in the game. Don’t forfiet a happy life waiting for someone who’s refusing to be a MAN and make some positive decisions.

3) Realize that he is likely still coping with past baggage, and this baggage is NOT your responsibility. All you can do is provide him understanding and support should he require it. Being patient is the best thing you can do, and being a willing ear for him to share his thoughts. Being nonjudgmental is the KEY. So don’t try to PRY, just try to listen.

4) Give him the gift of missing you. This means giving him the physical and emotional space he needs to self-reflect. All relationships have a subtle power struggle/balance, and by giving him space you’re actually taking some of your power back. What many girls actually do is they start to panic when they think they’re losing their boyfriend so they start to LEAN into him even more – which gives him power but has the effect of smothering him – which pushes him away further. By leaning back, giving him space, you’re helping him to feel less worried about you, and more focused on himself.

5) If you feel too upset about waiting around for him to Wake Up, then let him go. As a matter of fact you need to realize that letting him go is THE best feeling you can have, because it strengthens your ability to be NORMAL when around him, instead of acting needy and desperate. If he’s going to suddenly regain his interest it’ll be when you’ve shown him that you can let him go. Of course this may be what he really wants anyway, in which case you’ll have to let him go ANYWAY.

6) Take this time away from him to realize how important you are as a woman, and how lucky he is to have someone like you in his corner. If he ultimately decides he needs his space, then take your new freedom as a good thing. It’s better to have love and lost to have wasted your love on someone not worthy of it.

I believe life is about the relationships we build and let go and that each person we meet provides us with knowledge and power that we would otherwise have lacked. Appreciate the time you’ve spent with him, and appreciate the time you’ll spend with the next Mr. Wonderful!

I hope this helps, and let me know how it goes.

Best of luck!

~ Robby

Q: Guys… do you always want the girl to make the first move?

I want to know why guys don’t make the moves anymore?

A: We’re living in a time of feminized boys - men who have no proper tribal leadership from their absent fathers, and so are left feeling helpless, nervous, and lacking masculine power.

It’s unfortunate and sad really.

If you’re a masculine women (I don’t mean a manly woman) then you’ll feel very comfortable leading a man, taking him by the hand, and getting what you want.

But from my experience most women prefer being very feminine, while I prefer being very masculine.

There are still plenty of men out there who are willing to step up and be MEN, but you’ll just have to look harder.

To all the boys out there who don’t know how to find their masculine energy, read anything written by David Deida ( link )

~ Robby

Why do today's super models all seem to approximate the physique of adolescent boys?

Do all Abercrombie and Fitch models seem gay?

Q: I What do women find most attractive in a guy, what catches her eye or what would she like her guy to be doing?

A: Getting the girl isn’t about what you’re doing, or what you’re saying – it’s about who you’re BEING.

Be fun, be honest, be sincere, have your own opinion (especially if she disagrees with it) and you’ll discover women will suddenly start noticing you.

If you want to get a woman hooked on you then you must learn to make her “feel” things – if you’re boring, bland, or overly agreeable, you’ll be easily forgotten as a friend. But if you invoke an emotional reaction within her, she’ll be thinking about you all night (even if she’s mad at you.)

Make her laugh and she’ll FEEL.

Make her mad and she’ll FEEL.

It’s really all the same.

Once she’s mad or glad, then turn around and suddenly be sincere, sweet and insightful.

Flirting is all about teasing and tension – the art of making her FEEL you.

~ Robby

Today’s top Thumbnail is from this photographer.