The Fake – I mean, the Flake.

It’s the dreaded “flake” or “flake-out.” It happens to many folks, enough that we know the end of the story pretty much from the start. She gives you her number, but then doesn’t answer your call, or maybe you do get a date set up, but then she cancels at the last minute.  “She gave me her number,” he says. “We were at the club, we chatted for a moment while we were each getting drinks, and it seemed like she was into me. We set up a first date, but she called to tell me something came up and she hasn’t called me back since!”

When I hear stories like this, I know there’s more to it than that. Human interaction is rarely that simple.

So it’s time to ask some questions:

What did you talk about?

“Oh, you know – the usual. How are you, who are you here with, having fun yet…that kind of stuff.”

What did she do that made you feel that she was interested in you?

“Well, we were shoulder to shoulder at the bar and she smiled while we were chatting and she tucked her hair behind her ear as she was leaving with her drink.”

How did you get her number?

“Her drink came, so I handed her my phone and told her we shouldn’t lose touch, that we should go out sometime.”

What did you do after you got the number?

“Well, her drink was there and she’d turned around, so I told her to have a good night and I’d call her.”

Nothing here is unusual, nor is anything intrinsically wrong. Was it the most wild, amazing introduction?

No, but it doesn’t necessarily have to be.

Was she as attracted to him as he thought? Everyone’s shoulders touch at the bar, she might be a smiley person in general, and her hair might have been in her eyes. She might very well have been attracted to him, or she might not have.

So why did she give him her number, agree to a date and then cancel?

Body language?

The key to figuring out what might have happened in this interaction is body language, which he didn’t mention at all in his story. Without it, we have less than half of the information we need to make an educated guess as to what led to her cancelling their date. To figure this out, we need to look at the body language of both people. Hers will tell us how she’s responding to him. His will show us how he feels about himself.

Have some awareness of your posture.

During the interaction at the bar, she smiled and touched her hair. Most women do both of these things most of the time. Neither is a clear indication of interest. What would show interest is how her body is aligned toward his, and whether her posture is open or closed. If her arms or shoulders are in front of her in a protective, space-creating way, it doesn’t matter what she’s saying.

She’s not comfortable.

If she starts making attempts to turn away from him from the moment he says hello, or keeps her head turned away from him while he’s talking, she’s probably not interested no matter what she’s actually saying. However, if she was turned toward him, looking up at him and smiling with her arms as loose as they could be in the bar, maybe even arching her back as she spoke to him, perhaps a hand cocked on her hip, she’s likely legitimately interested.

Pay attention to her body language... is she comfortable?

If he went through this interaction with his shoulders sagging, his empty beer bottle held protectively in front of him, never even shaking her hand or touching her arm, she won’t believe he’s actually interested in her. Her immediate feeling will likely be that he’s just talking to any girl who comes into his vicinity, so she’s nothing special to him.

She might still give him her number when he asks because for whatever reason, she doesn’t know how to say no, but she won’t trust it. Even if she’s attracted to him, if his body language makes her feel as though she’s not sure if he’s into her, she’ll begin to lose that initial attraction. He said he was interested by asking for her number, but his body language made her feel that he wasn’t, so even if she was into him at first, by the time the day of the date came around, she’ll trust that feeling rather than the words he said.

The term “flaking” implies that there is no reason for her canceling or not answering calls.

This is never true. There is always a reason.

If you go over the interaction piece by piece and decide that everything that was said and done was great, then go back over it thinking of how everything was said and done. Chances are your body might have said more – or less – than you wanted.

~ Kim

(Special thanks to Kim! I hope she doesn’t mind my creative use of images through out her post… Check her out over at Pickup Podcast!)

Married People Have No Clue!!

Besides some of the people who are on online dating sites, who gives the worst dating advice? Let me think for a second . . .

I know a lot of you are thinking that this is me taking the opportunity to rip my competition, but I am not going to rip my competition here because I think some of them actually give decent dating advice.

Do you know who really gives the worst dating advice? Married people . . . especially the ones who have been married since they were twelve. Okay, maybe not twelve. Maybe they met their future spouse when they were seventeen.

Really, though, the only thing a married person knows is how monotonous sex can be with someone over a long period of time. Oh c’mon now . . . I know some of you still have a robust sex life. In reality, though, most of you are not humping the nights away.

Now I know I’ve opened up a nice can of worms with this one. I can feel the hair on the back of your necks starting to grow. By the way, guys, if you have hair growing on your back . . . wax it! Women really don’t want to date the GEICO caveman.

So let’s get back to the point of the blog. The point of the blog has nothing to do with hair, nor is it about married people’s bad sex life.

It is about the shitty advice that married people give their single friends. The dating world is changing every day.

It’s funny. I was at a party one night, and this married yenta started talking about the benefits of online dating. I looked at her and asked her “How long have you been married?” She said “Seventeen years.”

So me being me, I said “The Internet wasn’t even around when you were dating. Hell, we still had answering machines. We still had phones with metal antennas coming out of them. What do you know about online dating?”

Now, she had no idea what I do for a living. Let’s just say I was about to have some fun.

“A friend of mine met her husband on the Internet.” she continued. So then I started laughing and said “And that’s what makes you an expert in online dating?!” She said “Yes! I heard it works.”

I then told her “You know, Metamucil works also. It’s good for people who are full of shit!” She started laughing, and then asked me what I do for a living. I told her that I teach people how to make the most of their dating life.

So she starts screaming and brings over all the other married yentas in the room. For the next hour and a half, in a very nice Jewish fashion, they tried to set me up.

Then they all admitted that they really know nothing about dating. They just like to stick their nose in other people’s business.

So the moral of this story is this: If you are not out there dating, and you have not been dating since the first Bush mistake in 2000, then butt out of people’s business. Your friends don’t need your outdated bad advice.

When you go car shopping, you don’t ask a friend who always gets the worst lease deal to help you. When you do your taxes, you don’t go to the accountant who caused all his clients to be audited last year.

So why would you go to your married friend who’s not happily married in their life for your dating advice? It’s like going to Matt Millen for draft day advice.

So if you are confused in your dating life, I suggest you go to a non-biased person who can guide you in your dating life. Perhaps to someone who has a black Labrador Retriever named Daphne? Maybe to the person who wrote this blog? Might this be the better person to go to for dating advice?

Here’s my question to all of you: Who do you usually go to for dating advice besides me . . . and who has given you the worst dating advice you’ve ever heard?

Todays powerful video is all about teasing women. Enjoy!!

~ David Wygant

Top Photo Credit goes to this awesome photographer.

Here is an email I got from a reader recently:

How do you get rid of someone you just met or hooked up with, and you have told them that you don’t want a relationship? Of course you can ignore them, but that makes you look like a dick. Saying your too busy or I don’t think it’s a good idea to hang out usually makes the other person mad. Saying, “lets just be friends”
usually ends with the other person taking you up on that offer and I don’t like that either.

It’s like I always say, you don’t pay hookers for sex, you pay them so they leave and never come back or contact you. – John

My response

It’s rough but you have to actually tell her VERY CLEARLY that you are not interested in what she is interested in. This can be done in a nice way so you don’t get labeled a “dick” but inevitably it won’t be very fun. Get used this though because this won’t be the first time you will have to do it.

The reason this happens is because needy girls hear what they wish to hear and don’t catch on when you say, “I am not interested in dating anyone right now.”  What these women hear is, “I am telling you I am not interested but I imagine you could change my mind if you clung to me like herpes and demanded a relationship after some bad drunken sex.”

Good luck John and choose better next time.

– Mike

Is this guy a dick?

I hate to admit it but I have made similar comments many times. Although the closest I had ever been to a prostitute was a toothless homeless woman that offered to give me and my friend a blowjob. “I do boff ya fo twenny dallar,” we both were repulsed although I was tempted to talk her down to ten.

Clearly John isn’t serious but why would he say this?

Girls can be fucking terrifying

I would say for the majority of guys, girls are pretty scary creatures. A girl can walk up to a guy and start screaming her ass off. “You fucking bastard!! How could you go and fuck her too!!” If a guy started yelling at me, I would pick up the closest piece of furniture and brain him with it, but the psycho girl would probably be safe from any Ikea trauma. This has a lot to do with why John is afraid to be honest with this girl but it is no excuse.

A guys knee jerk disgust after sex

Since guys often get hijacked by their genitals many end up sleeping with girls that they really shouldn’t. When they wake in the morning to find a nude hairy garden gnome snuggled up to them they feel an enormous sense of disgust and want nothing more than to bolt.

This is why guys/girls should never… hook up with someone they don’t think is attractive, unless of course she/he is wealthy and you might get a car out of it.

Fighting the urge to run screaming

I remember an Indian girl my roommate hooked up with. She was cute, fun and had great big boobs. The only problem was that she wouldn’t leave… after a night of heavy drinking I woke at 11 and she was in the kitchen cleaning. This was cool but apparently my roomy and her had been up since 8 and she wouldn’t go home. When she wasn’t looking my roommate stared at me wide eyed mouthing, “She won’t get the fuck out!!” jabbing his thumb at the front door.

Oops

She pretty much nuked her welcome at the house and he ended up telling her she had to leave because his jealous girlfriend was going to be there soon. This was all fucked up and I blame both of them. She should have tried to control her needy desires to posses my roommate and my roommate should have weathered the storm a bit better and been honest.

Back to John’s email

So do guys only want a girl they can hump like my neighbor’s horny poodle does to my cat? Are men only concerned with sex, throwing girls away like they might an abandon tampon in their bed?

Guys want sex of course but girls must understand that even the most elusive guy inevitably ends up with a girlfriend/wife. What did this girl do different than most girls?

The girls that are attractive even to the players

I imagine that most girls wouldn’t necessarily want to land a player but often understanding the extreme will help you understand the point. The girl that lands the player is the opposite extreme of the girl that is kicked out after a night of sex.

The most attractive girl…

• never pursues
• is cautious about sex but not obnoxious
• is respectful enough pay for dinner/dates half the time
• doesn’t hook up with guys out of her league (great way to get used)
• plays the game on her turf not his
• kicks him out in the morning
• has her own life and does not need a guy to fulfill her
• accepts and understands that guys are sexually driven and is damn good in bed herself

Guys… Stop screwing girls you don’t want to hang out with the next day.

Girls… Sex does not equal relationship, no matter how nice he seems the next day.

Mike writes a blog for women at mikethemasterdater.com