The Fake – I mean, the Flake.

It’s the dreaded “flake” or “flake-out.” It happens to many folks, enough that we know the end of the story pretty much from the start. She gives you her number, but then doesn’t answer your call, or maybe you do get a date set up, but then she cancels at the last minute.  “She gave me her number,” he says. “We were at the club, we chatted for a moment while we were each getting drinks, and it seemed like she was into me. We set up a first date, but she called to tell me something came up and she hasn’t called me back since!”

When I hear stories like this, I know there’s more to it than that. Human interaction is rarely that simple.

So it’s time to ask some questions:

What did you talk about?

“Oh, you know – the usual. How are you, who are you here with, having fun yet…that kind of stuff.”

What did she do that made you feel that she was interested in you?

“Well, we were shoulder to shoulder at the bar and she smiled while we were chatting and she tucked her hair behind her ear as she was leaving with her drink.”

How did you get her number?

“Her drink came, so I handed her my phone and told her we shouldn’t lose touch, that we should go out sometime.”

What did you do after you got the number?

“Well, her drink was there and she’d turned around, so I told her to have a good night and I’d call her.”

Nothing here is unusual, nor is anything intrinsically wrong. Was it the most wild, amazing introduction?

No, but it doesn’t necessarily have to be.

Was she as attracted to him as he thought? Everyone’s shoulders touch at the bar, she might be a smiley person in general, and her hair might have been in her eyes. She might very well have been attracted to him, or she might not have.

So why did she give him her number, agree to a date and then cancel?

Body language?

The key to figuring out what might have happened in this interaction is body language, which he didn’t mention at all in his story. Without it, we have less than half of the information we need to make an educated guess as to what led to her cancelling their date. To figure this out, we need to look at the body language of both people. Hers will tell us how she’s responding to him. His will show us how he feels about himself.

Have some awareness of your posture.

During the interaction at the bar, she smiled and touched her hair. Most women do both of these things most of the time. Neither is a clear indication of interest. What would show interest is how her body is aligned toward his, and whether her posture is open or closed. If her arms or shoulders are in front of her in a protective, space-creating way, it doesn’t matter what she’s saying.

She’s not comfortable.

If she starts making attempts to turn away from him from the moment he says hello, or keeps her head turned away from him while he’s talking, she’s probably not interested no matter what she’s actually saying. However, if she was turned toward him, looking up at him and smiling with her arms as loose as they could be in the bar, maybe even arching her back as she spoke to him, perhaps a hand cocked on her hip, she’s likely legitimately interested.

Pay attention to her body language... is she comfortable?

If he went through this interaction with his shoulders sagging, his empty beer bottle held protectively in front of him, never even shaking her hand or touching her arm, she won’t believe he’s actually interested in her. Her immediate feeling will likely be that he’s just talking to any girl who comes into his vicinity, so she’s nothing special to him.

She might still give him her number when he asks because for whatever reason, she doesn’t know how to say no, but she won’t trust it. Even if she’s attracted to him, if his body language makes her feel as though she’s not sure if he’s into her, she’ll begin to lose that initial attraction. He said he was interested by asking for her number, but his body language made her feel that he wasn’t, so even if she was into him at first, by the time the day of the date came around, she’ll trust that feeling rather than the words he said.

The term “flaking” implies that there is no reason for her canceling or not answering calls.

This is never true. There is always a reason.

If you go over the interaction piece by piece and decide that everything that was said and done was great, then go back over it thinking of how everything was said and done. Chances are your body might have said more – or less – than you wanted.

~ Kim

(Special thanks to Kim! I hope she doesn’t mind my creative use of images through out her post… Check her out over at Pickup Podcast!)

Q: Guys… do you always want the girl to make the first move?

I want to know why guys don’t make the moves anymore?

A: We’re living in a time of feminized boys - men who have no proper tribal leadership from their absent fathers, and so are left feeling helpless, nervous, and lacking masculine power.

It’s unfortunate and sad really.

If you’re a masculine women (I don’t mean a manly woman) then you’ll feel very comfortable leading a man, taking him by the hand, and getting what you want.

But from my experience most women prefer being very feminine, while I prefer being very masculine.

There are still plenty of men out there who are willing to step up and be MEN, but you’ll just have to look harder.

To all the boys out there who don’t know how to find their masculine energy, read anything written by David Deida ( link )

~ Robby

Why do today's super models all seem to approximate the physique of adolescent boys?

Do all Abercrombie and Fitch models seem gay?

Q: I What do women find most attractive in a guy, what catches her eye or what would she like her guy to be doing?

A: Getting the girl isn’t about what you’re doing, or what you’re saying – it’s about who you’re BEING.

Be fun, be honest, be sincere, have your own opinion (especially if she disagrees with it) and you’ll discover women will suddenly start noticing you.

If you want to get a woman hooked on you then you must learn to make her “feel” things – if you’re boring, bland, or overly agreeable, you’ll be easily forgotten as a friend. But if you invoke an emotional reaction within her, she’ll be thinking about you all night (even if she’s mad at you.)

Make her laugh and she’ll FEEL.

Make her mad and she’ll FEEL.

It’s really all the same.

Once she’s mad or glad, then turn around and suddenly be sincere, sweet and insightful.

Flirting is all about teasing and tension – the art of making her FEEL you.

~ Robby

Today’s top Thumbnail is from this photographer.

Q: I am 19 and I have never kissed a girl before.

Honestly I feel embarrassing that I never kissed before. When it comes to the end of a date I don’t have enough courage to kiss her.

I have a friend who is 18. She is my high school friend (I would say buddy). We have known each other for 4 years. She was my first crash but we never end up dating.

Shy? Yes

Now in college we met once again and I am about to ask her out.

However, I am scared because of the above reason.

Now I would honestly kiss any girl but her. Maybe because I am in love? Maybe…

I don’t know what to say or to ask… I just wrote my problem.

Most girls are more shy then us, so don't sweat it!

A: I feel your pain. Luckily I’ve managed to discover the secret to “being shy” as well as the secret to “the first kiss.”

SHYNESS

Shyness is actually an artifact of your ego trying to defend it’s self against possible criticism or the disapproval of others. Sounds strange doesn’t it?

Unfortunately the ego will do many things to protect it’s self, including stopping you from living a healthy positive life! Why people don’t speak up, or speak their mind, is because they ultimately  fear that they’ll be discovered as weak or inferior – all the while secretly hoping to BE superior.

I learned this from Eckhart Tolle – Read This.

But when you learn to base your self-esteem upon your own voice, and not the opinions of others, you’ll learn that your ego will starve and fade, and your self-esteem will sky rocket. For more info on this process read anything by Don Ruiz.

In any case, forget your ego, and start testing your insecurities…

I would suggest you start learning to socialize with everyone you meet.

Talk to the old guy behind you in the grocery line, or the super hot waitress who takes your order.

Learn to flirt.

Talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk.

Get out and be SOCIAL!

This is how you will quickly learn that nothing bad will ever happen to you even when others don’t agree with what you have to say. This is HUGE when it comes to meeting and attracting women.

THE FIRST KISS

1) Realize that all women, even if they’re not interested in you, WANT you to at least try. I’ve heard this time and time again from many women. She wants to at least feel she’s worthy of your attempt. So just do it.

Sometimes you just have to go for it.

2) Realize that even if she gives you her cheek, that doesn’t mean anything bad. It simply means “not yet.” You DON’T start back at square one, so nothing is lost. This will never cause her to not call you again. If she doesn’t call you again it’s because she already wasn’t going to – not because you tried to kiss her.

3) Help her get used to your touch. Help her out of the car by the hand, help her cross a busy restaurant by the hand, or even give her a sensual fake palm reading – touch, touch, touch. Don’t grope, keep it clean. Maybe whisper a secret in her ear, softly. It’ll give her goose bumps.

Help her to get comfortable with your touch.

4) Finally, don’t wait till the end of the date to kiss her - do it Mid-Date. When you kiss her, perhaps right after she’s made you laugh, you’ll both feel better. The tension will be gone, and the rest of the date will be WAY smoother.

I hope this helps,

~ Robby

Todays top thumbnail image is from this photographer.

Q: We’ve been together 3 month and last night I ended up in a friends house who happened to be an ex, and we kissed, should I tell my girlfriend ?

Or should I keep it from her to avoid hurting her as she’s never going to find out. (Male – Age: 18-24)

A:Well you made a childish/selfish mistake. So don’t make another one!

Telling the girlfriend about your mistake IS NOT the answer.

Why?

Because all it does is make you feel better, and make her feel worse.

We tend to unburden ourselves on the one’s we love simply because we’re trying to unload our feelings of guilt… and in some occasions this makes relationships stronger… but not in this case.

There’s nothing that can be done now.

It was a mistake that you regret, and that you will never do again (right!?) So be a man, live with your guilt, and don’t burden her with your baggage. These are the mistakes that help lift you up from boy to man, so take special NOTE and never allow yourself to become so selfish again – especially when you’re committed to someone else.

Keep it to yourself, and move on.

Regret your actions, but then forgive yourself and move on!

Best of luck,

~ Robby

Q: Robby, I read some of your articles and I thought they were full of great advice.

In your article about how to get a girl you mention some great tips about attracting women. I am currently a virgin, never-kissed-a-girl, dateless guy, and I am wondering how I can change that.

I also wanted to know if you had any advice on how to not be the “stinky guy on the buss who can’t smell himself” because I think that I am that guy too. People seem to be coughing around me when I enter a room. If you could give me any suggestions I would greatly appreciate it.

Thanks,

Jake

A: Jake, I’ll give you some quick advice based on what I’m picking up on from your email…

The secret to dating beautiful women?

Being social.

It’s that easy.

Any guy who’s learned to be highly social has discovered a secret that shy guy’s don’t understand – not only does nothing bad happen when a girl isn’t interested in talking with you, but it’s not really that hard to change her mind if you really want to.

Talk to any “natural” or any guy who’s AMAZING with women, and you’ll discover that ALL share something in common. Know what it is?

They’re all willing to chit-chat with anyone and most often they do.

I did this as a kid and I learned that people LOVE to socialize.

My problem was that when puberty hit I developed terrible acne for years, which made me pull back in on myself – and not until I got divorced did I reunite with my love for people.

SIDE-TOPIC: INNER GAME

If your MIND is your Garden, then the THOUGHTS and BELIEFS that you plant and nurture will grow as an expression of yourself. If you allow negative thoughts to hang around (“I’m too skinny… girls like big guys”) then your expression of yourself will be “I’m too skinny.”

That might mean that you over-eat causing yourself to get flabby and unhealthy. You might wear clothes that are too big so that you can hide your ribs. You might express poor body posture because you’re unconsciously trying to hide your body under your clothes. You’d be amazed at how these types of thoughts become expressed outwardly, but make no mistake… women NOTICE these expressions.

Women can FEEL how you FEEL because they’re empathic.

Tend to your garden.

Plant more fruit, and pull more weeds.

A simple exercise, when you’re willing to do it, is to write down the “weeds” of your beliefs… make a list of things you think about yourself that likely hinders your self-esteem. Then take a red pen, cross them out (like erasing them from reality) and rewrite them to become more empowering.

(I’ve included an example JPG.)

Shy guys suffer from ego problems… they’re so protective of their ego’s that they refuse to risk bruising it through social interactions.

This is sad really.

If you’re too shy to talk to women it usually means you’re too shy to talk to everyone.

The best steps to overcome this is to study books on the human ego, and to practice socializing with every human you meet… talk to the old man behind you, talk to the cashier, and go online and talk with people via social networking.

NEXT STEPS

The next reason guys don’t meet more women is that they don’t escalate with the women they DO meet.

No matter how much a woman likes you, she’s not going to make the first move.

Or the second.

Or the third.

It’s your job as a man to LEAD her from the street to the bedroom, to the alter.

YOU.

MUST.

LEAD.

This means that every time you meet a girl worth getting to know you MUST make a date (don’t worry about getting her number, go straight to a meet-up.) Memorize a default line like this, “You know what? You’re fun! I know this cute little dessert place, let’s grab a coffee there tomorrow night at 6.”

If she says, “no thanks,” then simply say, “Ha! Fair enough.”

When you’re on a date it’s your job to kiss her mid-date (don’t wait till the end) right after she’s laughed hard at your lame joke. If you wait more then two dates to kiss her, then she’ll lose interest, and you’ll become over whelmed by the pressure. When you do nothing, you end up in the friends zone – the purgatory for men who refused to take action.

“He who hesitates masturbates.”

Nothing will teach you more about women then social experience.

You must force your body to experience interactions with women before you’ll get good at it.

I’ve said too much.

Keep me updated on your progress!

~ Robby

P.S. As for your problem with the coughing? It’s most likely that you either don’t shower enough or that you’re overly sensitive about how you smell which is causing you to wear TOO MUCH cologne. Stop wearing cologne for a few weeks and see if that makes any difference. This includes body sprays.

I love the questions guys, please keep them coming!

~ Robby

Today’s above thumbnail photo is from This Photographer.

How To Turn A Friend Into Your Girlfriend – By David Kwan

“Women are programmed to DESPISE weak men. The most important female need is to feel SAFE, and a weak man is never going to be able to make her feel this way.”

eSeduce.com

How to Avoid the Friend Zone – David DeAngelo

“You’ve met a woman you think might be “The One” but she tells you that she’s not feeling anything “romantic” with you. Learn the one secret to what it takes to have her “feel it” for you and what to AVOID doing, so you’re not stuck in the “friend zone” over and over with exceptional women.”

DoubleYourDating.com

How to Turn a Woman from Friend to Lover

“Some women keep you as a friend because you’ve been too scared to make your romantic interest known, or you’ve made a bunch of bonehead mistakes, and alienated her (at least temporarily) from being romantic. Perhaps you’ve made fart jokes, said callous things, or treated her like a buddy; nothing too serious. These are women you’ve got a shot at changing into lovers.”

SoSuave.com

How To Seduce Her From “Friend” To “Lover” In 5 Steps Or Less. – Written by me.

“In almost every scenario you end up rejected, embarrassed, or suppressed.

What’s the best way to move forward?

Well I finally have the answer and it only took me 10 years to figure it out. Hopefully you’ll be wise enough to pay attention to my timely advice.”

fullofhateandreadytodate.com

http://www.getoutofthefriendzone.com/

“So you’re good friends with a woman, but over time developed feelings for her. Now you’re wondering what you can do to get her to like you and accomplish the unthinkable: get out of the friend zone.”

getoutofthefriendzone.com

I recently came across this girl’s question – she wants to know how to get that one guy who’s ignoring her. Here’s what you should notice:

1) She considers herself to be pretty good looking and is often chased by guys.

2) She met a guy who doesn’t chase her and who isn’t all that interested. (He’s different.)

3) Even though her friends think she’s crazy she’s now wanting to know how to get him.

Q: I want a second date with a guy who has made it clear he doesn’t want to see me again.

What do I do? (Female – Age: 25-29)

We had an OK first date, he was very full on, but we spoke allot on the phone first for ten hours a night. I think he had a really good time, but is afraid to get involved with someone his intellectual inferior. I know we had chemistry, there were sparks all over the place. I don’t want to sound big headed, but I’m good looking and I have plenty of people ask me out, chase me and want to be with me. I haven’t ever had a guy who didn’t want to see me again, I’m nice decent person and people like spending time with me.

I have never felt like this before, I’m literally obsessed with him, everything about him I’m a hair away from full on stalker domain. I just know that if he let it, we could have something really amazing. My friends think I’ve literally lost it, he’s not classically good-looking, he’s was not polite to one of my friends, he was rude and pushy at times, I shouldn’t want him, think about him. they’ve never seen me like this before and they can’t help, they seem bemused by my behaviour, quite frankly so am I, but I can’t have been the only one in this predicament? I need help.

A: Here’s your problem… you’re letting your emotions dictate your decisions.

Here’s what’s happening…

You = Good Looking Girl who’s bored of the dudes putting you on pedestals (chasing and complimenting you) because it’s predictable and all the same.

This Dude = Doesn’t do what every other guy is doing, therefore he seems “different.”

So you take a moment to try to “figure out” why he’s acting different. Perhaps you ask yourself things like, “Why isn’t he all over me like most guys? Why isn’t he chasing me like most guys? Did my hair look bad that day? Was it something I said? I NEED to figure this out…” And so you’re confused with this puzzle, but also kinda excited to be challenged with something new to think about.

You spend time thinking about this guy simply because you’re trying to solve this puzzle.

Then you notice you’ve been thinking about this guy a lot. But what you forget is that you’re trying to solve this puzzle. Instead your brain says, “Wow, I must really like this guy if I’ve been thinking about him so much! He must be very different than all the other guys!”

Your ego says, “I’m an amazing girl, there’s NOW WAY he wouldn’t want me.. he just needs more time to get to know me.”

This is the part of yourself that NEEDS his approval. Why? Because you’ve gotten everyone else’s approval and so you’ve linked a NEED to always having it.

1) Don’t chase a guy who doesn’t want you. This will slowly erode your self esteem, your pride, and will ultimately amp up your neediness. This will push him away even more. Stalking doesn’t work.

2) Realize that you’re an amazing woman who DOESN’T need anyone’s approval to FEEL good about yourself. So stop chasing his approval.

3) Learn something about yourself from this before you make it a habit of chasing dudes who treat you negatively.

Good lucky shorty,

~ Robby

Q: Her response:

Thank you, for many reasons I agree with you and I can in no way dispute anything you say. Yet for some reason I have a feeling that I will not meet a better fit, which is crazy as I don’t know him, but I miss him.
When the date was over I was happy, relieved somewhat, and then almost immediately I missed him? I text him straight away, something silly, I never text I definitely don’t text men I have been on one date with I barely ever reply, I despise the medium.

A: I wish more guys would pay attention to what you’re saying…

it’s not about the “logic or reason” .. it’s about how you FEEL as a woman that tends to dictate your decisions.

Unfortunately your emotions are misguiding you. Just like my emotions misguided me into eating too much pizza and not enough veggies. Your mistake is assuming how good it will FEEL to be with him.

The truth is that you have no real reference to how he is long-term.

Save yourself and let him go.

~ Robby

Today’s above thumbnail photo is from This Photographer.

THE PARADOX

The DATING world isn’t the same as the RELATIONSHIP world. It can feel like an entirely different beast. At least when it comes to attraction. Women react to your behaviors differently depending on where you’re at together.

Sometimes the world of dating is like Jerry Seinfeld’s Bizarro World where everything is backwards.

I’m not even kidding.

Before I continue to paint myself into a corner I should clarify the following:

1) Although I invite criticism and feedback from the beautiful women that use this website I do ask that you realize that I’m specifically talking to men in this article.

2) Please take everything I write with a grain of salt. I haven’t dated EVERY woman, despite my best efforts, so don’t scorn me for writing something that doesn’t apply to your mom or sisters.

3) The first ten dates are what I consider the “Dating World” while everything beyond that starts to become the “Relationship World.”

BEHAVIOR: Buying her gifts, flowers and chocolates.

Don't be this guy.

Bad for dating. This will only make you seem needy and will not do much to impress her. She doesn’t even KNOW you yet so what has she done to deserve such attention? Being pretty isn’t enough. Showering her with gifts is the fastest way of putting her on a pedestal. And a woman can’t look down from her pedestal and still find you attractive…. only sad.

Good for relationships. If you’re already in a long-term relationship and you bring your girl flowers or candy then you’ll get a VERY different result. She’ll LOVE them, she’ll LOVE you, and your world will get a little brighter.

BEHAVIOR: Giving her too much praise, attention, and affection.

She doesn't want all of your attention, unless you're already her boyfriend.

Bad for dating. Women value what they earn, not what they get for free. Giving away all of your energy on a girl who hasn’t proven her worth makes your attention useless. Women can sense when you’re trying to trade your attention for their approval, so don’t. Remember: one compliment goes farther than ten.

Good for relationships. Giving your girlfriend a little extra attention (without smothering her and only if you’re being sincere) will build rapport and trust. This extra attention and praise is more valuable now that she’s earned her way into your heart.

BEHAVIOR: You open up and share all of your feelings and emotions with her.

Bad for dating. Unfortunately we can all be a little judgmental when we first starting dating. This is how we help keep ourselves safe, and how women develop a sense of who we are. If you unload all of your secrets, feelings, and past emotional baggage, then she’ll get the impression that you’re going to be a long-term burden (cry baby.)

Good for relationships. To relate we need to share, connect, and build trust. And one of the best ways to connect is through intimate stories and secrets. She’ll value your privacy and discretion, and she’ll be more open to sharing your emotional dramas… but only once in while. Don’t be an emotional vampire.

BEHAVIOR: You see and talk to her everyday.

Let her miss you.

Bad for dating. Of course you’re going to be excited when you first start dating but it’s this excitement that you should hold onto, like the tension before a comedian’s punch line, because it only helps build her anticipation of seeing you again. When you talk to a girl everyday, even it it’s through long emails, you’re lessening her anticipation of seeing you. The best thing to do is see her once or twice a week until she’s completely hooked and has asked you “So, where are we at?” Give her the gift of missing you.

Good for relationships. It’s hard to relate when you don’t see each other. So chatting up your girlfriend everyday is a GOOD thing.

BEHAVIOR: You date other women.

Women are competitive... so keep her on her toes at first.

Good for dating. When you are wanted by other women it raises your value, and keeps you from obsessing over “that one special girl.” Dating multiple women keeps you relaxed and normal instead of insecure and uneasy because it gives you options. Plus it helps her to feel uncertain about you, which only raises her need to chase you. Strange and true.

Bad for relationships. Most women simply don’t want to share you with someone else, and after dating for a long time she’ll no longer want to chase you. It’s sometimes fun to chase when dating, but when she’s caught you she doesn’t want to play that game anymore. She wants certainty and progress.

Of course there are many aspects of dating and relating that shouldn’t change (but sometimes do when we get lazy) like flirting, teasing, surprise dates, sexy text messaging, etc. But don’t make the tragic mistakes I’ve outlined above.

There are very different expectations from the girl you just met and the girl you just married. Obviously both types of girls will actually WANT the same things – attention, affection, praise, and certainty. But it’s the sexually successful man who understands that sometimes it’s better to give a woman what she NEEDS instead of what she WANTS. The girl you’ve just met NEEDS a little more tension and mystery while the girl you just married NEEDS a little more predictability, certainty, and comfort.

~ Robby

(Today’s thumbnail photo is from This Photographer.)

Today’s above thumbnail photo is from This Photographer. Okay, here are today’s questions:

Q: What is it about me that women find unnerving?

I will make this very succinct to spare people the agony of reading an entire treatise of why my self-esteem is at a low ebb. My question is what is it about me that women seem to despise? As it stands I am 25 years old, a virgin who has never had any positive experience with women on any level-be it friends or anything beyond that. I have never had any physical relations with women, nor anything tangible save for small-talk which invariably ends awkwardly and it seems increasingly less likely. I attribute this partly to my schooling in junior/middle high school and the lack of co-education-which happened in senior high school (by which time I was very much set in my ways and was completely ill-equipped and oblivious to inter-gender relations and creating repartee’s.)

I have been told (though I am cynical of the truth in this) that I am pleasing to look at, yet I have nothing to show for such alleged good looks (which are inconsequential anyway, personality is what matters), I have direction and ambition in my life (I have two degrees and am in law-school) and am uncompromising to that end. Yet for these I feel increasingly frustrated, ignored and unappreciated. Additionally, it appears my preferences in music etc. have alienated me (I happen to love death metal and the like but am nothing in the way of the caricatures you see who enjoy this music and so forth). I would appreciate some honest feedback about where I am letting myself down, and indeed, where I can improve myself to become more appealing (without of course undermining my integrity).

This malaise has completely undermined my confidence in myself and while I tried to put on a veneer of toughness/apathy, I am suffocating-any help, or insight would be very greatly appreciated.

A: Your suffering isn’t unique. But it sucks.

I have the cure, but it sounds like it might not be your cup of tea.

It’s called “social calibration” which can’t be gained from reading books or watching movies. It requires real world experience. Experience you didn’t gain in high school like many others. I didn’t either, so don’t fret.

Perhaps you’re a perfectionist (unwilling to try something before you’ve perfected it), or perhaps you’ve found solace in your Bat Cave. Either way you’re never going to get better with women sitting in your room lamenting about it.

Here’s the Hard Truth: getting good with women requires you to do what everyone else does … you have to interact with people. Everyday. Forever.

Sometimes you need to get out of the basement to meet girls.

I once read that it takes everyone a minimum of 10,000 hours of purposeful effort to master something. This includes reading, writing, playing an instrument, and even attracting women.

Some kids are lucky enough to become highly involved in social activities (sports, sporting events, parties, clubs, etc) which naturally leads them down the road of 10,000 hours of social interactions. Each small interaction builds a person’s social calibration.

So, if you’re acting awkward around other people it’s because you’re not comfortable around other people. This comfort comes from experiences. If you want to be good with women you must be good with EVERYONE.

So, force yourself to make small talk with EVERYONE! From the dude who’s bagging your groceries, “Hey man, where did you get those shoes?”, to the super hot chick who works at Blockbuster, “Hey, have you seen Avatar? Is it really worth my time?”

Those tiny interactions add up. Those interactions bring you a tiny bit more confidence for next time. Eventually you learn a funny joke. Eventually you learn to tell stories. Eventually you learn how to flirt, tease, and excite.

But it takes time, patience, and commitment.

It takes time to understand social calibration.

It doesn’t take forever, but you will need to do it to see any results.

Is it worth it? That’s up to you. You can learn this stuff now while you’re still young, or you can learn it when you’re 40 and finally p*ssed off enough to do something about it.

Either way I congratulate you on your first steps… being brave enough to ask us for advice.

No go out there, talk to people, and calibrate!

Then check back here and update us.

~ Robby

Q: How do you get a girlfriend if girls only make eye contact and approach only attractive men?

OK lets face it, I know I’m not the best looking guy, but it sucks when women never seem to find any interest in me because of how I look. they walk literally right by me or don’t even say hello or anything they won’t make eye contact unless I was decent looking. I don’t feel normal or accepted the fact that women these days only go for looks and high status all in one.

I’m very shy around them because they don’t find me decent looking (fact) but I try to make eye contact when a random woman that walks by but nobody ever makes eye contact. I have never had a girlfriend before and I don’t really go up to random stranger girls I don’t know. I may be unattractive, but why do women only go for the “good looking guys ” ? I’m 160 lbs and toned I’m not fat.

A: You’re asking a question you already know the answer to.

How do ugly guy’s get girlfriends? They attract them. But not with their looks. And not with good eye contact. That’s nonsense.

If you’re ugly (let’s just assume you are for the sake of argument) and you’re just standing there starting at chicks, then why would any woman stop to find out more about you? She wouldn’t. Ever. That makes no sense.

Instead you need to be ATTRACTIVE.

Read about attraction here: link

Your assumption is that attraction is all about your looks, and that’s where you’re f***ing up.

Attraction is about how you make her feel.

Make Her FEEL Something...

That’s it. Hot guys automatically make her feel… tense and interested. If he opens his mouth and he’s rubbish then her attraction will dissapear. Simple.

If you’re ugly she’s not going to automatically be interested. Instead you need to interact with her. You need to MAKE HER FEEL stuff.

And I hate to tell you this but guys who are too insecure about themselves to approach women will not induce women into feeling hot and bothered.

Your lesson is this: women are beautiful flowers who are on display to attract men. Men are the bee’s who must approach these flowers in search of pollen and spice and everything nice.

It’s YOUR job to approach her.

College Girls? Sure, why not.

It’s YOUR job to give her the impression that other women love you, and she will too.

Got a problem with talking to women? Then do what all great pickup artists have done before you… slowly learn how to talk to EVERYONE, not just hot chicks.

Why are highschool jocks so good with women? Because they spent 10,000 hours talking to people in social settings (parties, sporting events, fund raisers, etc.)

You must learn to make small talk with every person you meet on the street – buying groceries, standing in line at the movies, the waitress taking your order.

Put 1000 hours of talking to strangers under your belt and you’ll be amazed at how calibrated and interesting you become.

Start there…

~ Robby

Sometimes you’ll find me answering dating questions over at www.GirlsAskGuys.com … This was a recent question:

Q: (Male Age:25 to 29)

What’s the fastest way for a guy with ZERO dating experience to get a girlfriend?

A: Three simple steps: build your social skills, lead, and escalate.

1) Spend every waking moment building your social skills.

That’s the number 1 most attractive thing about a man… it’s not his looks or his money. It’s his social skills. A man who’s good with people will ALSO be good with women. It’s really that simple.

When a dude is great at chatting with strangers he’ll be relaxed, he’ll appear popular, and he’ll naturally (overtime) learn to read the body language of others.

So do this: talk to EVERYONE.

Standing in line at the store, ordering a pizza, jogging on the beach, renting videos, waiting for class, etc. If you’re shy then start with small talk, “Hey, I missed the news last night, do you have any idea what’s going on in New York? I heard something about a bomb?”

Do this everyday, forever.

Believe me, this is the ONE thing EVERY pickup artist does. It helps us calibrate how to tell stories, how to meet strangers, and how to be social.

2) Lead.

Most men, when they get nervous, want to follow.. not lead. And women notice this. When you start to lead you will automatically stand out from all other guys she’s met that week.

What does LEADING look like?

It means you start a conversation. Simple. Easy. That’s it.

You approach her. You ask her stuff. You laugh at her lame jokes. You say, “You know what? You’re not what I expected you’d be like when I first came over here to say hi. I’ll tell you what. There’s this new dessert place downtown I keep hearing about… wanna meet me there Tuesday after school/work to try their chocolate fondue? Then I can find out if you’re as awesome as you seem.”

Lead.

Most guys will wait for the “right signal” because they’re too scared to lead. Instead it’s better to approach, setup a coffee date, then move on. Simple. If she’s not interested then you didn’t waste time standing around wondering, and you’ll always go to bed feeling proud of yourself for taking action.

3) Escalate. The reason most guys never get more then a first date.

Escalation is like leading. It’s your job to continuously, but slowly, escalate the intimacy of the relationship. You MUST touch her. You MUST hold her hand. You MUST hug her and kiss her.

Once the first kiss is out of the way you’re golden. Everything else opens up after that.

That’s it.

Do these three things and you’ll ALWAYS have options thanks to all the girls who find you attractive, cute, fun, and awesome.

~ Robby

Q: Haha, don’t wanna hear about bombs in NY, because I kind of…live there…

So I will work on my social skills, definitely…and I know what you mean about leading, but what about escalating? I imagine scenarios in my head and it’s hard for me to see when to, say, hold a girl’s hand, put my arm around her, etc…and then, first kiss of course. My inexperience makes me even more nervous about this…any ideas on making “moves” smoothly?

A: Sorry about the New York thing… but us non-New Yorkers are fascinated when ever something’s going on there! Ha!

Ya, escalation can seem scary… mostly because it feels like if we guys make a move that she doesn’t want she’ll get pissed, and we’ll lose all the ground we’ve made with her. This isn’t the case.

The HARD truth is this.. she expects you to make a move (unless you’re her uncle.) So don’t sweat it. She’ll even be disappointed if you try nothing. Weird right!?

Don’t believe me? Read this poll I ran… http://www.girlsaskguys.com/Dating-Questions/140339-girls—have-you-ever-been-frustrated-with-your.html

10% will wait, the rest get frustrated. What does that tell you?

Women EXPECT you to make a move. It’s not something you need to feel bad about.

The very fact that you’re on a date implies your sexual intention. It’s not a secret and she won’t be horrified when you finally make a move. But she WILL be frustrated if you take too long. It’s actually better to make your move too early then too late. Some might disagree but that’s been my experience.

That doesn’t mean you grab her boobs when you pick her up for the first date.

But all roads will lead there. And which road gets you there smoothest?

Starting out with just chatting, then hugging, then holding hands, then cuddling, and a quick kiss, then a long kiss, then making out and exploring each other’s clothes, then skin, etc.

Q: Awesome advice, great progression you suggested. But you see it’s the “holding hands” thing where I get stuck, because that begins to cross the line from “friendly interest” which I can do to romantic/sexual interest…which I know I have to do, but don’t know how to do smoothly. How can I “ease” into something like that, and how can I know when the girl will be receptive to that?

A: Well, if you manage a second date, then she’s receptive to your slow advances. That’s how you know.

The easiest thing to do is pay attention to how her body responds to your touch.

Start by grabbing her hands to give her a “fake” palm reading. Google it or make it up. It’s about having fun and pretending like you know something about her hands.

But really it’s about touching her hands with yours. If you handle her with care, she’ll “feel” that you’re a careful lover.

Then let go of her hand when you’re done. Release gently. Because every touch you share with her let’s her know how you’ll handle her when she’s more vulnerable later.

Start with hand touching… the palm reading, helping her out of the car, touch her nails when commenting on them, etc. Watch to see if she pulls away, or not. If she doesn’t, then move onto another body part that’s more intimate. Like her arms and shoulders. Each time getting a sense of how comfortable her body is with you.

When you sit let your legs and shoulder touch. See if she leans into you or away from you. It’s your job to stay straight up. Don’t lean into her, that’s needy. When her body starts to lean into you (during any conversation) that’s her indicating she wants more of you.

If she’s always leaning away, then you’re losing her interest.

Grab her hand when crossing a busy street, then let go when you’re almost across. Give her your arm when walking through a restaurant, then release.

when she’s leaning in, tell her a joke, but whisper the punchline in her ear (make her lean in to hear it) so that you give her goose bumps.

The easiest way to tell if she’s ready to be kissed?

When sitting with her, touch her hair. If she seems comfortable with your hand hear her face and hair, then she’s very comfortable. If she kinda leans away, she’s not.

Then lean in a little and look at her eyes, then lips. If she does the same, then kiss her. Easy, right?

Q: Excellent, excellent advice. Thanks for taking the time to type all these helpful words. Now I guess it’s only a matter of meeting a cool girl, and working up the nerve to do these things : P

~ Robby