Men want to get laid fast and women want to get laid slow.
As a man can you relate to this? Here is a typical male’s approach to sexual selection:
Step 1) Get laid quickly with as little friction as possible.(Friction is anything that slows your progress into the bedroom.)
It’s instinctual. Typically if we see a woman who’s physically the proportions that we prefer, we instantly want to mate with her. Our genes want us to replicate and survive.
Genetically it makes the most sense for us men to mate with as many women as possible. We basically operate like our sperm… we have total abundance, so it costs us very little to have sex with as many women as possible. This is also why we can orgasm so very quickly – because it’s genetically a waste of time to have sex for an extended period.
What we men usually neglect to appreciate is that women have a very different sexual selection process. Perhaps it looks something like this:
Step 1) Find an alpha male who can protect and provide.
Step 2) Determine his worth by testing him through long courting rituals.
Step 3) Develop long-term relationship including sexual intimacy.
Of course I’m making a large brush-stroke characterization of the female’s unconscious motivations but basically women tend to seek commitment and safety long before they seek sexual satisfaction.
The truth is that women face dangers that we often don’t realize.
To help curb her fears she needs to know if you are who you say you are. She needs to know if you’re a threat to her safety. When dating there are immediate dangers she must be careful of (most men are physically bigger then most women) but also long into a relationship. In the long-term she needs to know if you will freak out on her during a time of crisis or if you’ll defend her life.
Women also face the very real danger and burden of pregnancy followed by years of child rearing – which we men don t.
Over the millennia of genetic success and failures we re now left with women who are innately attuned to a man s intention.
She uses words like needy, or creepy to describe the types of men she ll naturally avoid.
Women are empathic while most men are not.
This brings us to today s great disconnect: men and women are seeking each other company while having a hard time understanding each other.
We want to get laid fast and she wants to get laid slow.
If this is true then how do we communicate more effectively with a gender that operates so differently than us?
Here s my advice:
Appreciate your differences.
It’s because women are different that you re so sexually drawn to them. If women were like you they d be hairy, sweaty, smelly, and ultimately predictable and boring. You might like to blame women for being crazy, but in the end you love them for it.
Don’t take things personally.
You ve never walked in the shoes of an attractive woman someone who s become intimately familiar with the sexual attention of older men since her teens so stop demanding that every woman you approach must lust you in return.
The truth is MOST women will not be looking for a guy like you, just as most women won t be who you re looking for. You can never really know what s motivating her to act the way she does, so instead you should simply accept that what she does has nothing to do with you.
Don’t make assumptions.
You can NEVER REALLY know why she didn t like you, call you, or kiss you. Don’t waste time guessing. Learn from your experience and move on to the next girl.
Lead with your strengths.
If you express your leadership by taking her on dates, adventures, and experiences (stop asking for her permission so much, and start surprising her with your decision making skills) you’ll be helping her to relax and trust you. Ultimately she’ll naturally will want to open up and connect with you.
SLOW things down.
Even when first talking with a girl it’s easy to get overly excited and nervous.
Date slower. You don’t need to get the phone number of EVERY girl you meet. You don’t have to kiss her on the first date. You don’t have to have sex the first time you get naked.
If you practice your ability to slow down you’ll make an impression upon her that she WILL notice. Take it slow. Women can relate to SLOW. If you slow down she s FAR more likely to hear what you re saying, and to appreciate the tension that going slow creates.
If you’re busy putting her on a pedestal you’ll never communicate with her as an equal. It doesn’t matter how beautiful, amazing, intelligent, or unique you “know” she is, she will never value a connection with you if you’re busy convincing her that she can do better. Accept that she’s hot and amazing without devaluing your own worth. When you’re able to see her as your equal you’ll be far more open to playful banter and conversation.
Relationships take relating.
If you’re stuck in your head worrying about what she thinks of you, or what you SHOULD be saying next, then you’re not going to be open to actually connecting with her.
Stop thinking, and start feeling. Be empathic.
If you want to connect with her then you must stop playing games, hiding your insecurities, or otherwise pretending to be someone you re not. I m not saying she needs to know all there is to know about you – I m saying that when you DO share, make it honest. Everyone will trust you more if they see you being open and honest about yourself.
Are you dating other women? Don’t lie about it.
Are you embarrassed that you have no job? Don’t lie about it.
Being honest will invite women into your life at an amazing rate. Honest men are rare, and being rare is attractive.
Ultimately, despite our differences, men and women DO share similar desires:
- We desire consistency.
- We desire attention and approval.
- We desire love and affection.
If you are jaded, then take some time to really clear up your past issues, forgive your past choices, and move on. It’s the only way to move forward.
If you take the time to appreciate that women really ARE different, and really DO have different needs and desires than you, then you’ll have a much easier time attracting new women into your life.
Let s accept our differences, while never apologizing for them, and move forward.