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How To Seduce Her From “Friend” To “Lover” In 5 Steps Or Less.

She’s hot and “just a friend”? Not sure what to do next? Just follow these 5 simple steps!

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“Oh, we’re just friends.”

Man, don’t you hate hearing those words?!

It turns a friendship platonic, impotent and limp.

It makes your lust for her seem so inappropriate.

We all know how this goes:

1) You meet a beautiful woman but you’re too scared to ask her out.

2) You play it safe and end up becoming good friends.

3) You secretly have a huge crush on her but you don’t know how to tell her, and the last thing you want to do is ruin the friendship.

4) You suddenly get the courage to tell her how you feel. Perhaps you write her a pathetic love letter thinking it would be romantic. Perhaps you get drunk one night and make your move only to get the embarrassing brush off. Perhaps you do nothing and you continue to stew in your own self-made prison we call the friends zone.

In almost every scenario you end up rejected, embarrassed, or suppressed.

Whats the best way to move forward?

Well I finally have the answer and it only took me 10 years to figure it out. Hopefully you’ll be wise enough to pay attention to my timely advice.

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Step 1: Stop Everything You’re Doing.

Before you destroy any possibility with this girl you MUST stop what you’re doing.

Here is a simple DO NOT DO list:

- DO NOT tell her how you’re feeling. At least not with words. This includes love letters, well-written music, or drunken confessions. This will only creep her out, and will destroy her trust in you.

- DO NOT continue to hang out with her like she’s just a buddy. For the moment, stop doing all the friend things that you’re doing. I’ll explain why in the next few steps.

- DO NOT explain why you’re suddenly acting so differently. She must never suspect you’re trying something new. She will definitely FEEL that you’re being different but you must never confirm or deny this to her. Itll only add mystery to the equation, and thats a good thing. (This doesn’t mean you’re suddenly a dink, it simply means you’re changing gears for the moment.)

- Stop showering her with your attention, gifts, compliments and affection. These things only work if you’re already dating, or just friends.

She will never logically decide to feel attraction for you, so you must start to communicate directly to her unconscious. This is why words wont do; only actions and behaviors will have the right impact.

 

Step 2: Get Educated.

Understanding the basics of Attraction and Rapport is the foundation of getting past the Just Friends stage of relating.

Get a Sexy Education

Get a Sexy Education

I wont go into the ridiculous details like I do in my book (LINK) but I’ll give you some basics: all romantic relationships transverse universal steps Attraction, Rapport, and Intimacy.

Simply learning that these steps exist will get you in the game, instead of sidelined confused and upset.

If you’re currently good friends then you’re currently relating with each other. This means you skipped the dating stage, which is about tension and attraction.

Google these terms and educate yourself!

More about attraction: LINK

10 reasons being nice aint going to cut it: LINK

 

Step 3: Create Attraction (By Leading.)

A huge reason you’ve end up being just friends with a woman is because you skipped the ATTRACTION STAGE and went straight into the RAPPORT STAGE.

What you’ve failed to understand is that women aren’t attracted to you because of what you’re doing or saying, but because of who you’re BEING.

You need to start BEING attractive instead of BEING friendly.

Odds are you’ve ended up following her around like a little puppy dog. This has got to stop. Instead you must learn to take the LEAD and hope that she’ll follow you.

If she trusts you she’ll follow you.

ATTRACTION is about tension and flirting and sexual danger, while RAPPORT is about sameness, connection, and loosening tension. Friends share rapport, so being friendly builds rapport.

Perhaps you’ve mistakenly assumed that you might upset her by coming onto her, so you’ve skipped over that and gone straight into lets play nice.

But now you’re stuck in the androgynous purgatory of being just friends with her.

Easy ways to start breaking rapport and building tension:

- Playfully tease her about things she’s confident in (if she knows she has a great body, then tease her about how unattractive you find her just remember that this only works well if she knows you’re teasing her, and if she is truly confident about herself. Don’t tease an insecure model about being fat, because you’ll ruin the poor girl.) For example, I have this friend who I love teasing about her ridiculous huge purses. She knows Im kidding, but I enjoy coming up with names for them. For example, her newest purse looks like an enormous horse vagina its all leathery and floppy and gross.

Tickle Fight? YES!

Tickle Fight? YES!

- Role-play with her, while always assuming she’s making sexual innuendos. This is about being fun, while also helping her to associate you with sexual banter.

Next time she says Well, it’s getting late, time for bed, you can say, Wow, I don’t even know if I find you sexy yet and you want to jump right into bed eh? Well only if you keep the lights out.

Next time the two of you are eating out together say this to waiter, Can you please give us your most romantic table? Its our one year anniversary! Youd be surprised at how often the waiter will treat you to something free to celebrate, plus it gets you role-playing together.

- Say No to everything she says, suggests, or asks. This is a simple way to break rapport. If she says, Lets have dinner tonight at 6 then you say, No. But I can pick you up at 6:30. And wear those cute jeans that make your butt look great.

If she says, Who were you out with last night? you say, Oh nobody you know, but I can promise you she was HOT! Then wink, but refuse to elaborate.

- Only give her one compliment. If you’re secretly into her then you’re likely giving her way too many compliments. Especially when she’s looking for them. Instead open your evening with, Hey, you actually look pretty good tonight almost like you’re being sarcastic. But then drop it like its hot.

- Lead by being assertive. Don’t ask for her permission to do or say things. Don’t waste her time with Well, what do YOU want to eat? Instead make suggestions, Lets go to that new place downtown, I hear they have great Chinese food. I’ll pick you up at 6.

 

Step 4: Meet Other Women.

At first this seems counter conductive but its not. Its POWERFUL.

One reason you might be stuck with this girl is because you’re suffering from oneitis. The deadly disease that causes you to only have passions for one woman because you’ve fooled yourself into thinking she’s unique, special and one-of-a-kind.

Heres a great blog post on the topic: LINK

If your mind is messed up with this one girl, then you need to be distracted and brought back to reality there are many other women who are just as happy to be your special girl. Go meet some of them.

Theres nothing quite as attractive as a man other women want to be with. Its called social proof and its amazingly effective at helping a girl to notice you.

Date Other Women

Date Other Women

Plus, the more women you practice your flirting with, the better you’ll be at it. You don’t want to test your skills on the woman you REALLY want until you feel confident in your delivery and body language.

So go out and date everything.

 

Step 5: Escalate.

The real reason you’re in this mess is because you didn’t have the balls to make your move on the first date.

Why havent you tried kissing her yet? You were scared of rejection. You were scared of losing her attention. You were scared.

But guess what?

There are really three possible outcomes if you try to make things happen with her:

1) She likes it and returns your interest.

2) She doesn’t like it and feels flattered by your advances and you remain good friends.

3) She doesn’t like it and feels you cant be friends any more (very unlikely unless you shoved your hands down her pants.)

Seducing a friend into a lover is a lot like boiling a live frog you cant just toss her into a pot of boiling water, she’ll jump out. Instead you must turn up the heat slowly so that she doesn’t even notice until its too late (you’re married.)

You must escalate your sexual relationship slowly (without stopping) so that she can feel comfortable with each stage.

This is why there are 5 steps. The first 4 steps help stop her assumptions that you’re just friends without freaking her out.

This last step is all about taking action the action you neglected at the start of the relationship.

Finally, pick a night you can both hang together and escalate:

- Pick a night for food and drinks. Call her up and ask her if she’s busy Thursday night from 6 till 10 because you have some fun plans for just the two of you. She’ll want to know more, but refuse to tell her because it’ll make it less fun.

- Suggest what she should wear. This is a fun one. Simply say, Can you wear those ridiculous jeans you have that make your ass look great, and cute top, and some comfy casual shoes.

 

Suggest What She Wears ...

Suggest What She Wears …

- Pick her up. This helps put you in the position of driver, and invites her to follow your lead. Its subtle but it counts.

- Touch her all night. Give her a bug hug hello. Help her out of the car by offering her your hand. Help her step up the curb by offering her hand. Carefully pull some link from her hair. Guide her to your restaurant table by giving her your arm (like a gentleman.) Before the food comes give her a fake-palm reading session where you can comfortably hold her hands on the table while you playfully touch them and caress them.

- Whisper once in her ear. Say nothing about her appearance until the middle of your date. Then you should suddenly lean across the table, slowly like you know a secret that you don’t want the waiter to know, and wait until she pulls in close, then whisper in her ear with as much hot breath as possible, You seriously look amazing tonight in your dress, I could just eat you for desert. Then lean back and keep eating like you said nothing special. This will mess a girl up.

- Be Playful. Google fun dating games and you’ll discover a world of fun games you can play with her. My favorite is the Questions game. Basically these are the rules. 1) You can ask any question in the WORLD, but you cant ask a question thats already been asked. 2) You cant lie.. if you don’t want to share thats fine, but you cant lie. 3) She goes first. Good questions you can ask before her? How many women have you slept with? She’ll laugh and say, None, how many have you slept with? to which you say, Oh, rule number one! You cant ask that, I already did!

- Once she’s shown you three signs of interest, its time to kiss her. Here are some typical indicators of interest:

  • She hits your arm a lot when you make her laugh (cause you’re teasing her.)
  • She leans into your body when you lean away from hers.
  • She reciprocates physical contact, by holding your hand, hugging you back, and even whispering in your ear.
  • She gives you compliments.
  • She laughs a little too much at your jokes.
  • She gives you good eye contact.
  • She’s willing to join you on a mysterious adventure of any kind, including the dinner you’ve invited her on.
  • She tells you dirty secrets about herself when playing the Questions Game. She might even say, I cant believe Im telling you this.
  • She finds reasons to touch your arm, legs, shoulders, or chest.
  • She gives you a lot of her attention.

- The key here is to kiss her right after you both share a great laugh. Here are some great KISS CLOSES by the experts: LINK and LINK

Thats it.

There are two mindsets you can have:

MINDSET 1) She’s a beautiful female friend who you’ll eventually seduce, and therefore you’ll always be happy to spend time with, but you’ll always be leading and escalating when appropriate (respecting the boundaries she gives you.) Think of Larry from Threes Company. The girls knew he was always trying to get into their pants, but he had fun with it (non-threatening.)

MINDSET 2) She’s just a friend and will always be just a friend. You can still enjoy the sexual energy she inspires within you without spending time fantasizing about getting her. This is also a healthy alternative. The wrong mindset is one that leaves you alone each night thinking about her.

Youd be amazed at how great women are at changing their minds based on how they feel so its up to you to seduce her emotional body by LEADING and ESCALATING.

I wish you the breast of luck!

~ Robby

P.S. Read my Book to learn what to say, what to do, and ultimately how to seduce her. Download it here.

P.P.S. Top photo credit goes to Courtney Jade!

please-leave-comment2

40 Responses

05.31.11

Gr8 article, i had a question

i want her

i have given all the signs and she got it

but she said that she never meant to give me any wrong signs

but stil cant get over her

what shuld i do ?

08.22.11

@ king – did you read the article? You know what you got to do, move on. Don't try to hang with her, don't call her up or try to meet, drop it and live your life. Billions of other women out there.

10.16.11

Dude… as a chick… some of this is awesomely true, but some is waaaay off. Like talking about horse vaginas. Ew.

10.24.11

HAHA!

10.24.11

YOU!! Robby. I have a QUESTION for you. Or rather, I want to get a man's take on my current situation. Where can I post it??

11.01.11

You can always email me at questions@fullofhateandreadytodate.com :)

11.08.11

Nice article! i've never heard someone explain it this in depth, or at least, wrote it.

11.09.11

Thanks "Dawg."

12.22.11

im gueesing this only applys to europian women and american….hhhhhmmmm but its a good post i just cant do everything with this.

12.29.11

Jake, where do you live? And what do the women there find attractive that's different from American (or Canadian) women? I feel like you might teach me something new.

02.22.12

Nice Article dude…..

02.26.12

What is your advice when the reason you ended up in the friends zone is because you met when you were too young to be interested in dating. and it is only now, later, after you have a very close and long-standing relationship that you realise that she should be the one?

(this is happening to me now- my closest friend was single and upset that no one was into her for 2.5 years. for 1 of those years, I was madly in love with her. although my attempt to ask her out- and do things slowely and carefully were destroyed- but an accident and poor but unfortunate co-incidence on her part- she then, within about 1 month, was dating somebody else, and has stopped talking to me 4 times so far.)

03.27.12

Good read. Makes a lot of sense.

06.08.12

I have an issue with the "meet other women" part. As a woman, I know that if the guy I were interested in started meeting other women, I'd leave and lose interest. And this is a fact because it's happened before. If a guy is interested in me, the best way for him to get me interested in him is to show his interest is in me and only me. If I see him flirting with other girls, it does NOT make it a competition that I *must* win. I just move on and will probably hate him so his chances are now ruined.

If you're going to show an interest in a girl, make sure she knows it's just her. Don't play games. We don't like that.

06.08.12

Thanks for the comment Aj.

Let me explain my thoughts a little further:
a) I've seen too many guys drop all their other dating options the moment they meet that "one special girl" only to scare her away by smothering her in attention. I've never seen the opposite. Dating other women (until he's ready to pick just one) keeps a guy loose, calm and casual… less needy, gross and hungry for attention. That keeps him more attractive
b) Notice I didn't say, "sleep with other girls" … casual dating is not marriage.
c) Having other dating options helps a guy meet a girl he's "really" into, instead of settling for the first girl who responds with interest.
d) All men of value will have other dating options. That's attractive. So it only makes sense that women assume he's dating other women when she first meets him.
e) This about a guy who's finally chosen you because you're AWESOME, not because he had no other options. When a guy chooses a girl because he WANTS to, instead of because he NEEDS to, it's more meaningful.
f) If a girl get's scared off, like in your case, because she doesn't like that other girls are in his life, that leaves him with other girls in his life, instead of alone.
g) Continuing to have other dating options is only a good move when you've JUST met a girl… not when you've been dating her for months. Once a guy picks a girl worth REALLY getting to know he should/will cut off all other distractions.

06.30.12

Hey, I had same issue with Sam Robinson here. I never noticed my feeling towards her until now that she has another man in her life approaching her. She always insist that the man is her BFF, but I felt an unmeasurable amount of jealousy, seeing her close and happy with the guy. The guy even know more of her life than me.It's up to the point that I can't take my mind off her,became annoying,vying for her attention

Any chance I can take her attention back? Making her realise I want her and make her accept me?

07.03.12

A) Fighting for a girl's attention is an act of desperation and neediness… don't ever do it. You need to find a way to value yourself and your time sooo much that you would never compete for the attention or affections of any girl. Once you raise your self worth you'll stop wasting time chasing one girl when the world is filled with so many others who don't want to share their time with anyone else but you.

B) "Making her realize you want her" isn't a strategy that works. It doesn't MATTER how much you want her… at least not to her. The only thing that matters to her is how SHE feels… not how YOU feel. Get it? So don't waste time trying to convince her how much you like her. That's silly. Instead realize that you deserve a woman who already accepts you as you are and who doesn't need to be convinced.

C) Give this girl the gift of missing you. Give her more space. Call her less. Let her either realize she misses spending time with you. If she doesn't realize that then you never had a chance to begin with.

D) Be careful to not become jealous of a woman's time with other guy friends. Why? Because jealousy comes from mostly bad places… perhaps your ego wanting to claim her as your property… perhaps your ego thinking it matters if she doesn't truly want you (it doesn't matter… sometimes women simply want someone else and that's just the way it is.) … perhaps we ALL need different relationships with different people to satisfy our unique social needs.

E) It's okay, once she's your girlfriend, to create new boundaries around external friends… but you both need to agree. That's your call… My girlfriend and I have boundaries regarding the way we are intimately with other friends of the opposite sex. I'm not going to hold hands, or cuddle, or share intimate alone time with any other women, and visa versa. But those are just the rules we agree'd upon, yours might be different.

If you have more specifics please toss me an email. :)

09.02.12

thanks for the tips … it really helps in real life when it take place in the appropriate timing

02.14.13

Very detailed article, awesome. :P

My love life is so complicated right now so I can’t even begin to explain…

03.03.13

what about Indian girls Mr. Robby ???

03.13.13

Hey Robert!

Wow man, you killed it with this post. I find the most effective point in this is rule number 4. Women always want what they can't have. lol Also, I think it should be noted that some guys need to be realistic with their expectations. If you're the size of a hobbit and you have no social skills and have somehow become friends with a 5"10 glamazon who shares some of geeky interests like you….don't even try. Just be happy for the friendship and move on.

Great post Robert! Look forward to some new posts from you!

03.13.13

Fabulous advice on how to leave the friend zone! Agree with every point!

03.13.13

Damn! If this article was anymore spot on it would just be a gigantic spot and not a post. I really don't have anything to add or ask about this little piece. I've pretty much come to this same point after failing miserably. Excellent stuff. I wish it were on my blog. =)

03.13.13

Great Advice! So many people get caught in the friend zone, women and men. These are definitely some valuable tips to guide people out of that dreaded "just want to be friends" area.

03.13.13

Ha, thanks Jimmy!

03.13.13

Thanks Dirty-Too-Flirty!

03.13.13

Thanks Alex!

03.13.13

Much appreciated Diva!

03.19.13

Hello Robby :D

Everything ye wrote really works so fine. But I think there is something missing I need so bad, I’m slim good looking cool boy, I never had any difficulty getting their e-mail and Number; but they nevver let me reach the friend zone first. W@ do ye have for me?

By the way I’m amazed by Cat, how R ye F****** doig then? Hahaha… :D

03.25.13

What do you mean by escalate?

03.25.13

I really like this girl and we used to talk all the time, but I don’t know how to ‘escalate’? What should I do???

04.05.13

I would recommend reading through some of these suggested escalation techniques and articles: http://www.ignoreandscore.com/escalation-resource

04.05.13

Escalate means to increase or to become more intense… so if you're into a girl you can either do nothing (which most guys do) or you can slowly do SOMETHING. This is called escalation.

This might be more and more conversations, more joking around, more flirting, and ultimately more time spent together away from others (like a date.)

You can read more escalation tactics and articles here: http://www.ignoreandscore.com/escalation-resource

04.05.13

Hey Blue Guy, sorry for the delayed response!

Can you be more specific? Are you saying that you WANT to be in the friend zone, or that you're always ending up there?

04.05.13

Ha! Well I've dated a few Indian girls in my time, including a super cute little Doctor, and they seem to respond the same way most other girls do. Is there a specific scenario you're finding yourself in that's leaving you confused? :)

09.20.13

There is this girl I met through a friend,we became friend too,the problem is the distance,we are a little bit far from each other but we do chat online,my question is,can I ask her out online?

09.24.13

“Asking her out” can mean two things… asking her to be your girlfriend and asking her to join you somewhere for a date.

My advice is this – flirt and chat and schedule online chat’s slightly less often than feels comfortable. But don’t, at any time, try to have an obvious logical conversation where you label your relationship in order to make her commit to you. Don’t ask her to be your girlfriend.

The only time that’s okay is if she’s asking you, assuming you’re into her.

If you’re already into her then it’s your job to get her so wound up that she’s bugging you to make things official. Anything you try to accomplish before this time will be wasted and will likely push her away.

Here’s why – when a dude is trying to make a girl commit to him that’s his way of saying, “I’m super insecure that you’re going to hook up with some other dude… so please help me to feel less insecure by promising me you won’t cheat on me.” That’s gross, right?

Instead just make play-dates… online dates where you chat, or skype, or send each other funny/sexy text messages. Plan movie nights online perhaps? Or what TV show’s at the same time in order to chat about them.

Eventually shell want more. And you’ll know because she’ll be asking for more.

04.19.14

There is this hot girl at school that noticed me once. We talked ans texted and I really liked her but she had a boyfriend so I didn’t make any moves or flirts. They broke up a while back and I was rejected cause we were already “good friends”. We have never hung out before due go her being busy and ive wrote her songs, compliments, kissed her ass, but got me nowhere….what do I do? Do I still do these steps?

05.05.14

Hopefully you can see the mistakes you made? Chasing her and putting her on a pedestal is now way to attract a woman. It might be a way to make friends but it's not a way to increase her affection for you.

Yes you can and should follow these steps. Treat her like a lover… with affection and teasing. Push and pull. Stop kissing her ass, and start spanking her ass. She'll either come around or she won't. Either way what you're doing now isn't working. :D

05.20.14

Those were some really great tips dude.. i tried it, they actually worked..

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