Sometimes I get emails asking for advice. I happen to love that!
Why? Because I’m a self involved narcissist? Perhaps. Or perhaps I’m fascinated by other people’s drama.
Recently I answered the following question (ignore the grammar and punctuation, cause I did):
Q:Well I’m quite concerned about my own case lately… So just did want to have your opinion. Basically I’m quite a relationship analyst, I love to answer people question about their relationship, but realize I now have myself an issue actually getting one.
The daily me is quite open minded, not too shy, very friendly, not perverted, a bit weird from time to time, Straight but sensible… I love women a lot but I realize lately that I’m finding myself always in the friend zone. Didn’t have a relationship for quite long time, and not really desperate about it.
What is that step, that makes girls put someone in a “friend-zone” or “flirt-zone”?
A: I know EXACTLY what’s happening. I’ve studied this phenomenon for years now, and I can break it down for you like this…
Most guys who end up in the “friend’s zone” simply don’t escalate. They’ve been too fearful of rejection and so haven’t tried doing anything that she might not like. But TRUST me… if she’s out with you she EXPECTS you to try stuff… she’ll even be disappointed if you don’t attempt something.
Don’t believe me? Read This Poll: LINK
Do this: hold her hand briefly, then let it go. Hug her when she makes you laugh, then push her away. Read her palm while warmly touching the soft skin on her hands. Let her know through your touch, how good you are at touching. Then finally, after a happy moment together, kiss her softly. Then let her go like it was completely natural and nice.
Relationships flow through specific stages… Attraction, Rapport, and Intimacy.
The reason many guys end up in the “friend’s zone” is that they completely skip the most challenging stage (attraction) because they’re too focused on the Rapport Stage (connecting, sharing, being friendly.)
And if you skipped the Attraction stage you can’t ever find your way into the intimacy stage (sex, love, romance, etc.)
- You’ve gone on too many dates without having had kissed her yet. More than two dates is too many.
- You don’t tease her. You don’t make her laugh. She doesn’t hit your arm cause you said something too low brow.
- There’s no sexual innuendos, there’s no flirting, no danger of rejection.
The Attraction Stage happens in the first 5 minutes. It’s about teasing her, making her aware that you’re High-Value, not easy impressed, and that you’re still uncertain if she’s as awesome as you hope she is.
Attraction is about building tension. Rapport is about lessening the tension. Sexual Intimacy is about pumping the tension up and down… over and over again…
Sooooooooooo… how do you go back and convert a friend into a lover?
You stop building rapport (Google Rapport) and you start building tension and attraction again.
Cut off all communication suddenly, for a week, or for what ever length of time that she’ll really FEEL the space you’ve created. This helps her “wonder what’s up.”
Then surprise her with a night out with you… dinner, drinks, dancing, then a late movie at your place. Learn the stages of seduction (go online again and LEARN!) and seduce her. It only takes one night if you’re already friends, to build huge attraction.
I know this works, and I hope this helps you,