In my endless effort to help men understand women and dating I’ve compiled this quick (and very scientific) report on why couples hold hands and what impact it has on the dynamic of their relationships.
The dynamic of your relationship is completely exposed by the way you hold each other’s hands.
I’m not a writer. At least I don’t see myself as one, and lord knows I barely passed high school English, so when I’m told that my blog posts are too long it surprises me. Looking back I can see that your criticisms are well founded. I tend to blab too much. So this blog post will be my attempt at brevity and to-the-pointed-ness.
I want to perform a science experiment. And by science I mean Google search, and by experiment I mean find-photos-that-support-my-suspicions.
Will this blog end up in a peer-reviewed science magazine?
Mom says no.
Will it provide you with a piece of the puzzle that is Dating Dynamics and therefore a significant step towards greater success with women and dating?
Absolutely.
Why do couples hold hands?
To connect: [ New York Times article ]
Because it’s natural: [ Otters holding hands ]
For healing: [ Reuniting Online Article ]
Good reasons for holding her hand?
There are two major reasons to hold her hand when you first start dating:
1) When you’re leading and protecting her (helping her through the paparazzi, around the club, across the street, or into your vehicle.)
2) When you’re bonding. This is either during the honeymoon phase Honeymoon Phase of your relationship or after you’ve already had sex.
Bad reasons for holding her hand?
1) To dominate and control her. It communicates to her that you don’t respect her enough to let her make her own decisions. It also indicates that you’re so insecure about your relationship with her that you refuse to allow her to operate independent from you. This is sad. Don’t be this guy.
2) To tell other men she’s your property and off the market. These are the guys who are always watching which other men are looking at their girl. His insecurity is that she’s going to find someone better, and she probably will. Women like dominant men, not domineering men.
Hand Holding also indicates who’s wearing the pants in the relationship
I did a quick Google search and didn’t find any hard evidence to support this theory but I’ll pretend like I did. When you see couples holding hands you can always tell who’s the ‘man’ and who’s the ‘woman.’ The person’s who’s hand is on top, or infront, of the other’s hand is the leader.
Most women, and I’ll generalize here because it’s my blog, prefer a man who leads them. He leads her to safety, leads her to fun, leads her away from danger, and leads her onto their next adventure together.
If you’re not willing to walk in front of your woman while holding her hand (as a wall of protection against the dangers of the world or simply because you’re leading her from one place to the next) then she’ll unconsciously FEEL your weakness and possibly feel frustrated with you.
Hollywood couples
Don’t believe me?
Here’s my extensive research in the matter:
As you can see these leading men are setting the example.
How about two Alpha’s like Bratt Pitt and Angelina Jolie? This one is more tough:
Here are some more examples:
These are interesting…
Here are two couples that didn’t last… for some reason… you do the math.
In Conclusion…
Early into your first few dates find any reason you can to lead her by the hand. Perhaps you’re helping her out of the car, to your table in a resturant, or through a crowded room. This helps you frame the rest of your relationship VERY early. Plus this will invite her to trust you, and to follow you. As an added tip; if you’ve taken her hand to lead her somewhere be sure to release it before she does.
That’s all I got.
~ Robby
P.S. Don’t be like these guys.
5 Responses
Like your idea Robert makes for some deep thinking but I'm not convinced that holding hands one way or another denotes leadership, but you could be onto something.
It's the small things that happen throughout a relationship (that go under the radar) that either inspires her attraction or kills it. Either he's leading and providing her the safety of his presence, or he's following and draining her with his presence.
I suspect there are some relationships where this is reversible – the women provides the masculine energy and the man provides the feminine – but this is a small segment.
Thanks for the comment!
~ Robby
I am totally on board with your observations, Robby. I totally dig it when my boyfriend takes my hand in his, and his hand is on top. Add to that walking on the curbside, and I know an alpha male when I see him. When we cross a street, he guides me in front of him, takes my other hand in his other hand so he remains curbside. When we get to his car, he opens the door for me. Call me old-fashioned, but I find this totally hot. ~Lyn
Totally agree with your 'it's the small things' comment. I'm a little laid back (not a push over), and I especially have to watch out for it with the accomplished/active/go-getter types – like calmly holding the door for the lady as we enter a restaurant, then she bolts for the desk and starts to take charge, which is clearly the man's duty. Not to mention snatching away an opportunity for me to demonstrate selectiveness as I ask for something specific (quiet table, in the window, etc). She's looking for signs of me being a man and simultaneously, and unconsciously, subverting me. I've had to take to gently, but firmly, holding my date by the back of her outfit as I move in front, and will usually give her a 'settle down, missy', or related comment on my way by. Has actually given me the chance to handle the situation, and ever so slightly dominate her at the same time, which my high self esteem dates seem to love!
That's so great. I've also met plenty of women who are required to act more assertive and masculine in their day jobs (Doctor, Manager, etc) and so I've seen what you're describing – a woman being overly masculine without her knowing it. Perhaps it's just that she can't get out of her "work" mode into her "girly, I'm with my man now" mode. So being patient and even MORE masculine (composed and assertive and unmovable) in order to help her relax into her "feminine" mode (submissive, expressive, flirty.)
But there will also be SOME women who are just simply masculine by nature (and yet who are not gay) and who will always be more attracted to submissive feminine types (artists, musicians, etc.)
Either way it sounds like you've nailed it!