Dating online has many of it’s own intricacies outside of the normal dating dynamics that we experience in the “real world” so in order to keep this blog posting small I’m simply going to stick to the foundations: your photos, your profile description, and your mindsets.

Photos:

– Post Three RECENT Photos

– The first one must be your most attractive photo. Either get one made, or have a friend catch you in your best light. You must be smiling. This one image is the most important in your entire profile.

– Your second photo should be you with friends, camping, or at dinner, or fishing, or something where you re being active and social. This is great for social proof and it shows you have passions (fishing? Racing? Flying?) and that you have friends.

– Your last photo should be unique enough that it gives any woman who finds you attractive a reason for an opener. If she can t figure out what you re doing in the photo then she might say What s with the blindfold? This is like Peacocking and gives a woman an easy opener. Plus it helps make you slightly mysterious and interesting. (I have a photo where I m blindfolded in the middle of field because of an Amazing Race game I was in.)

– For some reason women love horses so if you can get a photo of one add it. Even if it s not your horse. Horses pretty much rule for women. I hate them personally. When she asks about it just say I d rather not talk about it

– DON T post a photo of yourself shirtless unless you re on the beach with friends and playing volleyball. She ll immediately be turned off even if you re totally ripped. This just looks desperate.

– DON T post 10 photos of yourself from your webcam. This shows you don t get out much.

– DON T take a photo of yourself in the mirror. I hate that. It shows you don t have even 1 friend.

– DON T post any photos older then a year, unless you haven t changed at all. And trust me, YOU HAVE changed.

– DON T AVOID posting photos. If you have no photos you ll have no chance.

– DON T post drunk photos at the bar. This doesn t communicate anything good.

– DON T post photos where you ve used some terrible paint program to erase the girls photo who s in your arms. Get another photo and post it instead you lazy bastard. Women do this too and it drives me crazy.

– DON T post photos that help you brag about your financial success. Bragging is the worst thing ever.

Profile Description:

– Keep it brief. Two very brief paragraphs are enough. If she looks at your photos and thinks you re cute she might read the profile. But she won t read a book. Besides you ll never convince her to feel attraction for you with your words. You ll convince her by helping her feel how interesting you are, and how fun you seem. If she feels you have personal power, self esteem, and choice with women, you ll get way more responses.

– Outline who you are, and what you enjoy doing. Try to paint a picture of yourself that s both interesting and fun.

– Say something about your passions. If you love your job then say so. If you love a hobby then say so. Anything that makes you sound well rounded while listing your preferences will help her she ll develop a better idea of who you are and what your personality is.

– Outline exactly the type of girl you re looking to meet, as well as the types of girls you DON T want. Amazingly the more specific you are the more responses you ll get. In my own profile I explain that I prefer the shorter women because they re easier to hug. And inevitably I always get women saying I loved your profile, although I m sorry to say that I m likely a little too tall for your preferences Don t worry about filtering too many women out, that s the point. This is powerful.

– Try to add some personality into it. Add humor.

– Smile when you re writing your profile. This helps for some reason.

– DON T sound like an accountant who s simply trying to find a baby maker.

– DON T have spelling mistakes and poor grammar.

– DON T talk about being nervous for dating online. Don t make excuses for your actions.

– DON T apologize for anything. Eg I m sorry my photo is so blurry because.. bla bla

– DON T ramble on and on about stuff. Try to keep it short and precise.

– DON T bother bragging about money, income, friends, or feats. It has no impact until they get to know you. Then they will totally surprise and impressed you ve never mentioned it.

– DON T bother sounding bitter, depressed, desperate, or otherwise like a loser. Winners aren t whiners.

EXAMPLE

Your profile will be doing MOST of your pickup so this is where almost all of your efforts should be going before you start worrying about what to say in your openers.

Here s an example profile I just wrote for my 21 year old Nephew. He s 21, 6 foot 1, athletic, self-employed, and ruggedly good looking. This is on PlentyOfFish.com

Me: I’ve got a great sense of humor. I’m a very well liked respectable kind of guy. I like camping and fishing and I like to travel and snowboard. I’m enjoying the new career path I’ve just begun, and living in Alberta kinda rocks right now! I love meeting new people but I’m not looking to become someone’s serious boy toy … so let’s just hangout and see what’s wut.

You: You’re likely around my age, but if you’ve got a magnificent set of frontal lobes, we can negotiate. You’re funny, smart, fit and fun. Your relationships with your family and friends come first, and your pet cat loves me… even though she hates everyone!… and for some reason you find that charming about me.

P.S. If you’re too shy to say hello, then ask one of your friends to pass me a note that says “My friend likes you… do you like her too? Circle Yes or No”

NEW MINDSETS

Old Mindset: I m hoping to find a girl who likes me, and I hope she s cute.
New Mindset: I m seeking an attractive woman who fits within my desires and brings something special to the table.

Old Mindset: I should contact as many women as possible because I only expect a few to like me. This way I ll have the greatest number of possible responses.
New Mindset: I only want to contact the women that fit my criteria because I don t wish to waste time chatting with women who will not suit me long-term. My focus is quality over quantity.

Old Mindset: I hope I don t say something stupid because if I embarrass myself online it might get back to my friends, or it might be awkward if I run into this woman on the street.
New Mindset: All of my online interactions are anonymous and safe and this makes for an amazing sandbox to test out my own pickup theories, story lines, or banter. Besides most women really do like having fun.

Old Mindset: I need to respond to every woman who writes me because I don t want to feel bad by ignoring her.
New Mindset: I will only respond to those women I truly find attractive because I d rather not lead on anyone I m not really interested in.

Old Mindset: Women are very choosy and I need to make sure my profile fits as many women s preferences as possible! This will give me better odds at attracting a woman.
New Mindset: I m very choosy and the more specific I make my profile the better and more qualified the woman will be who chat with me.

Old Mindset: If I let a woman know how special and unique I think she is, the more she ll feel comfortable, and the more she s going to like me in return. Women LOVE compliments.

New Mindset:

If I start a conversation with a woman by complimenting her on her appearance I ve just shown her that I m like every other guy, and she s going to have a gut feeling that I m somehow trying to manipulate her into liking me back by using something as silly as a compliment. My compliments will be scarce, specific, and very genuine and sincere.

Old Mindset: It s very important for a woman to like me to be attracted to me.
New Mindset: Attraction IS tension, so I ll have more of a chance at creating attraction if I m unique and fun, even if it makes her not like me at first.

Old Mindset: Women who don t post photos are all ugly as sin.
New Mindset: Many beautiful women don t post photos because it brings them too much attention.

Old Mindset: If I manage to get a girl to talk to me the more likely she ll start to feel attraction.
New Mindset: A woman will feel attraction immediately or not. I will make our first interactions have the most impact as possible because the longer we chat, and we DON T meet in person, the more likely she s not going to ever meet me.

Old Mindset: If a woman s acting bitchy she s a bitch.
New Mindset: If a woman s acting bitchy then she s likely just testing me. It s often just her way of protecting her soft underbelly, and I don t blame her. These tests are kind of fun.

Old Mindset: The longer I chat with a woman the more likely she ll feel connected to me. This connection is her attraction for me.
New Mindset: The longer I chat with a woman online without meeting her the less attraction she ll feel for me. The longer it takes for us to meet in person the harder it s going to be to EVER meet her.

Old Mindset: If a girl doesn t want to meet in person then she s just not interested.
New Mindset: If she s still chatting with me, and I m enjoying it, but she s hesitating to meet up then she likely needs to feel more trust and rapport with me.

Old Mindset: It s really hard to make an emotional connection while chatting online.
New Mindset: It s just as easy to bond online as in person.

Old Mindset: I have to tell her amazing stories to make her like me.
New Mindset: She has to tell me amazing stories for me not to get bored. To keep things interesting I can sometimes share some of my crazy stories.

Old Mindset: If I ask for her number too soon, and she s not ready to give it, then I might blow it.
New Mindset: I don t need a girls number UNLESS we ALREADY have a date lined up.

Old Mindset: If she s attracted to me it s only because my profile is well written and my photos are totally Choice. What happens when she meets me in real life and I m totally not what she expected?
New Mindset: If a girl finds me attractive on paper (online profile) then she s going to be blown away by me in person. I just hope she s as cute and fun as she seems

Old Mindset: If I really like this girl I need to make sure our first date is totally romantic and perfect. I need to really make an impression.
New Mindset: If I really like this girl I m excited about meeting her for coffee! That should be plenty of time to determine if she s awesome or crazy.

Old Mindset: I have to make sure not to say anything that might upset her, otherwise she ll stop talking to me.
New Mindset: I need to be myself as possible because it ll help her relax and act more natural, it ll help us create a better more authentic connection, and if she doesn t like me as I am then I m saving myself time out on an uninteresting date.

Old Mindset: I hope she s not chatting with other guys. I hope they re not more attractive then me!
New Mindset: I hope she s chatting with other guys so she doesn t get too into me too soon.

Old Mindset: I should make sure to not tell her any stories that would embarrass me.
New Mindset: If she s a really awesome girl I ll share some of my more embarrassing stories because she ll get a kick out of them.

Old Mindset: I should agree with her as much as possible to make her like me.
New Mindset: Sometimes it s fun to disagree, as long as we share other points of view.

Old Mindset: When I have her number I feel more comfortable texting her phone because she can answer it when ever she has the chance.
New Mindset: If I have a girl s number she ll feel more compelled to chat with me if I call. If I JUST text her then she ll not feel as connected with me.

~ Robby

<Top photo credit goes to Kristin!>