Blog Girl Testimonial – Eryn

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“I really appreciate what you’re doing here Robby… you’re helping to turn creepy men into fun guys. It’s like you’re helping women by helping men.

Thanks Robby, and I love the blog!

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I can’t imagine she’d make that kind of thing up… so I believe everything she says about me.

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Eryn's super sweet and super fun!
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I love testimonials.

~ Robby

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P.S. Are you a Hot Girl that thinks men should listen to what I have to say? Email Me your photos and your testimonials and I’ll add it to my website. If you want links back to your website or facebook page just ask and you will receive.

Just don’t send me bogus testimonials… I only want the REAL THING!

Blog Girl Testimonial – April

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“What can I say about Rob?!?! He is funny, charming, and finally right about something! LOL! I have actually read quite a bit of his book and dating material, and have learned a lot about….. MYSELF!! It’s crazy to think a guy out there actually knows what he is talking about.Really…. read his book and prove me wrong! You won’t be able to! Its easy to follow, fun to read, and has great dating advice in it. You will finally understand where women are coming from.So, read his book and get a second date instead of always having first ones.”
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Super Hot Co-Worker
She's awesome, so listen to her.

She’s beautiful and smart, so trust her.

I love testimonials.

~ Robby

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P.S. Are you a Hot Girl that thinks men should listen to what I have to say? Email Me your photos and your testimonials and I’ll add it to my website. If you want links back to your website or facebook page just ask and you will receive.

Just don’t send me bogus testimonials… I only want the REAL THING!

Understanding Women: Part 7 – Her Inner Zombie?

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You can read Part 6: She Fears Social Judgements? here.
You can read Part 8: Is she a Crazy Lying Whore? here.

Her Inner Zombie

The unconscious mind has been labeled the zombie within by some scientists either as a joke, or to help imply its mindlessness. These same scientists have discovered that as much as 90% of our decisions are being handled by parts of our brains that are totally unconscious or outside of our awareness.

Most parts of our human functions take place unconsciously, like our heart beat and our breathing. While at the same time, if we focus, our conscious mind can interrupt this process and affect it for better or worse. But on its deepest levels our unconscious mind will take over when it concerns our overall health and well being (it s impossible to hold your breath to death through shear will for example.)

Watch this TED video to learn more about 3 ways the brain creates meaning: Link

I propose that our emotional and sexual attraction to each other is driven by these same unconscious decisions. And I don t mean just instinctually, because not bodily response is born from instincts. Many of our decisions and reactions require complicated pattern recognition but which happen far beyond our focused thoughts. Our beliefs, driven from years of domestication from our parents, peers, and mentors, affect our behaviors deeply.

Ask any pro athlete what it s like to be in the zone and they ll describe their performances as mindless, almost as if they re out of their own bodies and simply at the will of their purpose driving them to win.

I m going to refer to a woman s unconscious decision making as her Inner Zombie. It s mindless and uncontrollable, and that s actually to our advantage.

She s not alone; we dudes have our own sexual zombies. As a man I m quite sure you ve discovered how your penis pretty much has a mind of its own. He calls his own shots, if you know what I mean. We spend much of our teenage years learning his preferences so as to appease his anger, his hungers, and his lusts.

We guys can be driven by our harmones, making us confused about wanting to fight or fuck. This mindlessness can drives us to be pretty… uncool.

Testosterone Kills

And as a man you might often like to think that your decision making is perfectly within your rational brain, but experience should have taught you otherwise.

Why did I wet my bed when I was 13? Why did I punch that guy in the face when he insulted my ego? Why did I vomit when I saw my buddy vomit? Why do I overeat when I m on a diet? Why did I call that girl three times when I know it s only going to creep her out?

Unfortunately this Zombie Within makes many decisions for us and refuses to ask for our approval.

One of the most influential writers for men around the topic of women and dating is David DeAngelo. I will likely reference him many time through out my blog because his work has not only helped me to understand some of these dating insights, but also because his Dating Products are some of the best on the market.

I m referring to him now because he was the first guy to explain that Attraction Isn t a Choice. He found himself as frustrated as I was trying to figure out why woman make such bad decisions.

But why?

Why do some women stay in painful and often abusive relationships?

Why do some women date assholes while the nice guys are stuck at home alone and frustrated?

Why are some hot chicks dating douche bags?

Hipsters Are ... Sad.

Anthony Robbins has some answers as to the WHY we do these things: Link.

(Now that I m no longer full of hate I can totally appreciate this website because it only helps to prove that ANY GUY can get a hot girlfriend.)

When I was single and jaded I asked these types of questions all the time.

The reason I wasn t finding an answer to my angry questions was because these questions pre-assumed that women were actually choosing to be attracted to the men they dated. The reality is that women DON T control who they re attracted to.

This is the same truth for men.

Blame her Inner Zombie.

She might be crazy, but we don't care.

Her Inner Zombie takes over when she feels things she likes or dislikes.

Does she know the guy she s dating is an asshole?

Most likely.

Most women are not stupid.

Most women are actually amazingly intelligent. But that doesn t mean she s always going to make SMART choices. She may understand intellectually that her boyfriend is an asshole, but if she stays with him it s because she FEELS that it ll be worth it in the end. Perhaps she s decided she can change him, or that his other positive qualities outshine his negative. But what s really happening is that her Zombie Within is having a great influence over her decisions by driving her emotions to stay instead of to leave.

There’s a pay off her logical mind isn’t noticing. Maybe she’s getting the attention she’s desperately seeking. Maybe she more comfortable with a man who’s domineering like her Dad was.. it’s comfortable. Maybe she’s too ashamed of the social attention a break up might bring her. Maybe he self esteem secretly convinces her that she deserves what ever punishment her boyfriend gives her.

Her logical brain is losing it’s battle against her unconsious belief system. It’s this Inner Zombie of hers that’s driving her to make this poor decision.

Her Inner Conflicts

Every woman will sometimes have a conflict between how she feels and what she thinks. It’s your job, as the seducer of women, to speak clearly to her Inner Zombie while being playful with her consious mind.

Why? Because rationally she may fear social judgements like being called a slut, or easy, so she will actively avoid one-night-stands or the walk-of-shame the next morning. But if you know how to communicate with her Inner Zombie (her body’s intuition and emotional state) then she’ll backwards rationalize her conflicted decision in an effort to sooth her mind from guilt or unease.

Side Story: The walk-of-shame is no joke! I’ve heard many stories from hockey players back in high school who experienced this drama first hand. My friend told me a story where he woke up in a panic the morning after a one-night-stand with a local girl he met while on the road with this hockey team. He discovered it was about 4 AM and he immediately rushed her out of his room while whispering, “You gotta get out of here before the guys wake up or they’ll all start chanting ‘Dirt! Dirt! Dirt!’ at you as you leave down the hall! Get out of here quick and be quiet!” Apparently this was something he experienced from his “buddies” on previous occasions.

For example, have you ever heard of Last Minute Resistance? LMR? This is where you’ve been making out with a girl, expecting that you’re finally going to have sex, when she suddenly panics and stops you short of the “full release.” This is her Inner Zombie saying, “Wait! This might be a mistake! This might be a trap! Danger! Danger!” which makes her slow everything down.

If you pay attention, and you learn how to connect with her properly, this last minute resistance will not occur.

I’ll give you some quick examples, but for more check out my book here: IGNORE and SCORE

Ways to prevent Last Minute Resistence

Educate yourself. Long before you get into bed realize what her real worries are – judgement, physical harm, emotional harm. Realize that true prevention of LMR comes from the first moments you spend together. During your time together BEFORE the bedroom she needs to TRUST you and feel deeply COMFORTABLE with you. It’s not about building up her lust levels, it’s about lowering her resistance and fears.

She’s thinking, “What will my friends say if I sleep with him so soon?” and, “Will I catch a disease?” and, “How do I know if he’s just using me?”

To help her feel at ease you can work your thoughts on these matters into your early conversations. Tell her a story about how you view One-Night-Stands: “I’ve had the odd one-night-stand but it’s rare. I mostly want to trust a girl before I let her into my bed. The last thing I want is a crazy person stalking me after sex, or a disease from a girl I don’t yet know. But ultimately I trust my intuition, I prefer going with the flow, and if our sexual desires come together early then our chemestry must be awesome! Why waste that? Besides I don’t kiss and tell so my friends don’t judge me.”

A quick story like this will instantly help her to realize that you “get it.”

By the time you’re both in bed together she might not know logically why she trusts you so much, so quickly, but her Inner Zombie will, and the Zombie dictates most things.

to help her feel more comfortable invite her friend to join.

Build Trust and Comfort. Understanding rapport helps this a lot! Google it if you’re not sure. Rapport between two people is the best way to calm down her Inner Zombie. It communicates with her unconscious mind that you’re safe because you’re just like her. It’s like showing her a mirror of herself. And most people don’t fear having sex with themselves… do they?

Building trust comes from being honest and sincere. If you’re using pickup lines and pre-memorized stories, there’s a large chance she’s going to feel that you’re being fake. She won’t logically know why you feel “off” but her gut (Inner Zombie) will know.

Don’t judge her. Don’t tell stories where you judge other people. The less you judge the more open she’ll be. Don’t act disgusted when she tells you she’s slept with her Dad’s best friend when she was 15. Don’t ask disgusted when she explains that she strips on the weekends for extra cash. And don’t tell her stories about how disgusted you are about other women who sleep around.

If you judge other women for being sexual and open then she’s going to FEEL that and she’ll NEVER feel safe being sexual and open with you.

In bed she might say something like, “I can’t believe I’m doing this.” This is a weak form of LMR. It’s her saying, “I feel nervous about this… please make me feel more comfortable…”

Your reply should be something like this, “I know, right!? This is so great!”

One last thing on this topic… there’s no need to pretend you’re having sex with her because you want her to be your girlfriend (if you don’t.) Be honest by saying, “I’m just really having a good time, and obviously I don’t want to stop right now, but I don’t want to mislead you into thinking this is more than it is. If you think you’re going to become attached to me then we should definitely slow down.”

You might not get laid, but you also won’t have to deal with a woman stalker, or the guilt you might have for hurting some innocent woman.

Attraction Triggers

If you push a woman s Attraction Triggers you ll awaken her Inner Zombie which will then flood her blood with pleasure filled hormones, thereby anchoring you in her mind as very pleasurable.

Women will go through amazing struggles to be with men they are attracted to, even if the man is a douche bag, an abusive drunk, or an asshole. Women will stay in terrible marriages and ignore the advice from all of their girlfriends simply because they feel this guy s right for them.

Abusive Couple

Her logical mind has nothing to do with these choices, because her desire for you is not a conscious choice. Stupid Zombie.

If you want to learn how some guys are able to trigger a woman s Zombie Within, or her Attraction Triggers, then you should be paying attention to what exactly these guys doing differently. Once her Sexual Zombie is awake it takes over her emotional state and will often “will” her to make decisions that get her closer to the man who s triggering the attraction within her.

I ve already said this before but it bears repeating: women want men who can bring them great emotions.

If you know how to bring a woman pleasurable emotions, she ll become addicted to you like a drug addict. You can do this by learning to communicate with her Zombie Within.

Read my post on How To Create Attraction Within A Woman found here.

When you communicate with her emotions you’re REALLY communicating with her Inner Zombie. It’s her unconscious mind and emotional body that will trigger her to chase you.

This is why I give guys the advice to NEVER waste time trying to convince a woman with their words and logic. See examples here and here.

Telling a girl you “really like her” is nice but it won’t flip her attraction switches. You need to have impact.

Mixed Messages

One of the best ways to communicate with a woman’s unconsious mind is to tease her. That’s really what flirting is all about.

We do this to be elusive and fun. By presenting her brain with a puzzle we’re able to sink into her thoughts. She’ll end up asking herself, “Wait, does he like me or does he dislike me? He’s fun, but I can’t tell if he’s into me too. Why isn’t he into me?”

It can be very playful and fun!

Remember: women have pretty much mastered this process.

They will sometimes dress in revealing clothes but then act bratty and disgusted if you look at them like a piece of meat. They will act super excited to talk to you again, but then won’t return your phone call for three days.

Girls are great at sending Mixed Messages

The reality is that women LOVE sexual attention, but only from guys they’re already attracted to. So don’t be creepy if she hasn’t yet invited you to be.

Types of Mixed Messages that are attractive when said with a wink and a smile:

  • “My God, you have the most beautiful eyes! Well… maybe just the left one.”
  • “You’re cute! Don’t say anything, or you might mess it up!”
  • “You have the most beautiful smile! Out of ALL the smiles I’ve seen today you’re easily number 4. I’m going to call you number 4 now.”
  • “You’re pretty sarcastic … and some people might think you’re mean because they don’t get it, but I’m sarcastic too. That’s why we could never hang out together. We’d just end up having a blast making fun of everyone but our Karma would be devastating!”

~ Robby

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P.S. You can read Part 8: Is she a Crazy Lying Whore? here.

P.S.S. Did any of this make sense? Ask me questions in the comments below.

Top Photo Credit: SuicideGirls.com – Pin-Up Punk Rock and Goth Girls

Blog Girl Testimonial – Tara

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“Robby is hilarious, genuine, and my favourite of all time! Read his book and tell me I’m wrong.

I dare you! He’s my boyfriend and he’ll beat you up!

I love the advice he’s written in this blog and I really can’t say enough good things about him. Listen to what he has to say and you’ll never have trouble making Miss Beautiful into Mrs. Right!”

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She’s way too cute to make up something like that.

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Tara Testimonial
Tara approves of my dating advice, so you should to.
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I love testimonials.

~ Robby

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P.S. Are you a Hot Girl that thinks men should listen to what I have to say? Email Me your photos and your testimonials and I’ll add it to my website. If you want links back to your website or facebook page just ask and you will receive.

Just don’t send me bogus testimonials… I only want the REAL THING!

IGNORE And SCORE: Mindsets for Attracting and Dating Beautiful Women.

Dating Mindsets Explained

Get The Girl

Getting the girl isn’t just a Hollywood fantasy; attracting beautiful women isn’t the sole domain of the super rich, the super hunk, or the outrageously gifted.

I know this now, but for most of my life I believed the opposite, as well as other crippling assumptions about women, dating and sex.

I’ve written this book because I hate seeing men who are completely confused, frustrated and lonely like I was. It’s true that if you keep doing what you’ve always done then you’ll keep getting what you’ve always got. This eBook is all about you rewriting your beliefs and attitudes about women and dating. It’s that simple.

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I’m No George Clooney.

I’m no natural.

I was never good with women.

But I did what most guys won’t … I studied, I practiced, I wrote it down, and I committed to getting this part of my life handled.

This is a lifestyle I used to dream about, and now I want to share it with every single man I can find!

In case you don’t know: IGNORE And SCORE is the term I have ‘coined’ for the pickup style that I’ve developed. I’ve dated many MANY amazing women over the past 6 years and I’ve done so completely on purpose.

My sexual success has been no accident.

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Books Helping Men Attract Beautiful Women Are Not Available On Shelves

Next time you’re in your local bookstore you should take a moment to realize how under valued men’s health is in literature. Women have shelves upon shelves of self-help materials, but men don’t.

Why is that? Why don’t men want to know this stuff!?

Unfortunately it’s because most guys don’t realize that you can LEARN basics like attraction, seduction, and female psychology!

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My Story

I Was Fat And Divorced

I loved women (still do) but it seemed that the more I tried to meet and impress them the more frustrated and rejected I became.

At 28 I had entered the very different world of dating with absolutely no skills at socializing, meeting or attracting women.

I didn’t even know that you could learn how to attract women!

My first instinct was to lose weight and to get fit.

I updated my wardrobe, diet, and training.

I really turned my health around and ended up looking my best!

I even waxed my back… I know, right?

I Started Meeting Girls

After feeling pretty good about my appearance my confidence returned and I started talking to girls again.

And guess what happened? I had spent so much time trying to impress my ex wife I had zero skills at actually attracting women.

What happened next really confused and frustrated me. I could meet women without much problem (because I was cute and nice) but I could not keep a girl to save my life.

Meeting women was easy but turning one of them into my girlfriend was an impossibility.

Every time I meet a girl I liked she’d end up walking away from me after just a few dates.

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What Was I Doing Wrong?!

I wasn’t creating attraction.

Instead I was being super nice, which builds rapport and creates good friends, but that only leads to the “Friend’s Zone.”

Brutal.

So I sulked for about a year before I got my act together.

Then I started reading.

I started reading everything I could on dating, pickup, attraction and seduction. I became hungry for knowledge, and VERY excited to learn that some skills CAN be learned!

I started to learn from my stupid mistakes.

I also started to notice something I’ve since coined as the “IGNORE and SCORE” method of attraction and dating. I started to notice the way some guys would behave around really hot girls. And it was completely different than how I was acting.

I paid attention, applied my knowledge, and I started dating again.

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Then I Found Success!

I also discovered that strong Inner Game manifests strong Outer Game and so I was able to build my social circle of friends as well.

And for 7 years I met hundreds of amazing women. I raised my standards, improved my self-esteem, rebuilt my personal boundaries and expectations, and I really raised the bar for the type of women I wanted to ultimately end up with.

Something else happened.

I got fat and lazy and gained about 30 lbs.

But since my mindsets were now powerful and attractive it didn’t slow down my dating. At all!

Try to understand something… my goal was never to go out and get laid (although I did) and my goal was never to get any girl I met (although I always got the girls I really wanted) because ultimately I was looking for real love from just one amazing woman.

Today I’m living comfortably as a computer geek, while living with my beautiful girlfriend.

I’m over weight, smart, and loveable.

Over the last 6 years I’ve dated the most beautiful women I ever thought possible, I’ve read more books on dating and pickup than most, and I’ve dated hundreds of other women in my endless pursuit of learning about love, sex, and relationships.

I’ve spent the last few years gathering my thoughts on Dating Success, Inner GameTactics, and Pickup Techniques and I’ve compiled them into this philosophy called IGNORE and SCORE.

IGNORE and SCORE is my way of proving that YOU can do the same: you can quickly learn the foundations of what makes women “turned on” and what “pushes them away.”

bikini-girl

If I can save just ONE MAN (you) from the embarrassment of rejection by teaching him (you) how to avoiding typical dating mistakes then this eBook will have been well worth all the hours I’ve spent writing it!

Buy it, read it, and if it doesn’t help you at all return it. Then email me and complain! Amazon has an amazing return policy and my email address is in my book. Seriously, let me know what you think.

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Now Available at  and  and 

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Dating Secrets Revealed In This Book

Get The Girl

Here are some examples of what you’ll learn:

What naturally creates attraction within a woman and one simple mindset you should always have that will naturally make you stand out from most other men.

You’ll realize what 3 aspects of your appearance play the biggest role in getting her attention – and it’s not what you think. – pg. 18

The Do’s and Don’ts of sexual escalation. – pg. 86, 87

Why a woman resists a guy even when she’s really into him, and how to use her resistance as an advantage to your dating success. – pg. 51

I take an entire chapter to explain the mindset of rejection and how to prevent it’s damaging effects on your dating life. – Chapter “Ignore Rejection”

What if confidence wasn’t real? In chapter “Score Confidence” I explain some new mindsets about our insecurities and how trying to “build” confidence is a waste of time. I then explain 3 simple steps to help remind you of your own deeply innate self confidence. – pg. 22

Through out this eBook I explain the foundations of dating – “Attraction, Rapport, and Intimacy. I also explain how most men get these simple steps out of order only to automatically find themselves in “the friend’s zone.”

Women really do want to date a “nice guy” but they’re not naturally attracted to them. I’ll explain how you can still be that upstanding dude without scaring her away.

Understanding the difference between teasing and playful banter is the difference between making a girl laugh or making her slap you. I’ll explain that fine line and I’ll even give you some great banter lines that will guarantee she’ll take notice of you.

This eBook outlines old mindsets that may be unconsciously holding you back from greater success and I’ll provide you with new mindsets that will naturally improve your success with women.

Learn what a woman’s “bitch shield” is and how to properly ignore it so that you stand out from every other chump. – pg. 20

I teach you the power of this truth: her resistance isn’t her rejection. – pg. 54

The differences between a direct approach and an indirect approach and the proper way to use each one when first meeting a beautiful woman. – pg. 60

Discover why women simply don’t value a guy they can get easily, and how to become the playful guy women love to chase.– pg. 28

What stops most men from dating beautiful women? And it’s got nothing to do with a lack of fame, fortune, or genetics. – pg. 72

I explain the difference between being good looking and looking good. – pg. 18

6 simple things you could say to subtly communicate your interest that invites her to become curious about you instead of bored with you. – pg. 76

How to easily and comfortably generate intimacy with her without embarrassing yourself and without making her feel you’re going too fast. – pg. 80

8 ways you may unknowingly be giving away your power to her and why it will kill her attraction for you. – pg. 32

How a woman tests you and how to easily pass her tests.– pg. 57

You might be surprised at the way family and friends can actually hinder your dating life, and what you can do about it. – pg. 37

How the fear of approaching a woman can be used to actually make her more attracted to you. – pg. 40

How to tell if she’s really into you or not. – pg. 44

Questions you SHOULD be asking her that will naturally make her more curious about you. – pg. 30

5 ways that rapport helps your dating success, and how to naturally build it. – pg. 44-47

8 quick tips for telling a powerful story, which can create a great connection with a woman. – pg. 48

What most women fear and how to always project a fun and safe emotional environment while never seeming boring or dull.– pg. 50

How to tell a story that will convey your value without bragging. – pg. 48

3 simple ways to remove a woman’s fears and resistance to your escalation. – pg. 51

A powerful way to instantly build her attraction and rapport that will make you seem irresistible and fun, which most men absolutely neglect! – pg. 53

How this one behavior will erode her attraction for you and can destroy your chance of a happy long-term relationship. – pg. 54

The 5 things a woman instantly assesses about you when she first see’s you, and how to make the most of your first impression. – pg. 18

6 steps to help prevent yourself from being jealous. – pg. 54-55

5 questions you should ask yourself to help you from unknowingly making the same dating mistakes over and over again.– pg. 38

14 non-verbal ways she might indicator her interest in you, as well as 19 others you shouldn’t miss. – pg. 62

15 easy ways that you can display your leadership qualities and why it matters. – pg. 33

Learn the importance of boundaries (hers and yours) so that you can safely escalate your physical touch from the very first date. – pg. 24-27

I explain the importance of banter with a woman as well as many fun examples that will make her crazy for you. – pg. 60-66

What is congruence and why does it matter? – pg. 66

What it means to be an attractive man and how to lead a life style that naturally brings you success. – pg. 70, 71

11 behaviors you MUST stop doing that makes women want to avoid you..– pg. 41

How to tell when she’s ready to be seduced, and what most men do wrong when they first try to escalate the physical relationship with her. – pg. 41

I explain how you might be jumping through her hoops without even realizing it, and why doing this will only make her less interested in you. – pg. 28

This is something you might be doing that will destroy your chances of creating real intimacy with any women you date. – pg. 81

5 things you should NEVER do when in bed with a woman! – pg. 82

Chapter “Score Sexual Intimacy” defines “sex,” and explains her sexual drives.

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Now What?

Just below you will see three places you can buy this book: Amazon – Barnes & Noble – iTunes (Apple)

From there you’ll be able to instantly download your own copy to begin reading all of my very best tips and techniques for meeting and dating beautiful women. You don’t even need to read this eBook from cover to cover, simply pick and choose the sections that stand out most to you.

Please email me personally if you have any questions… seriously! questions@ignoreandscore.com

I wish you new and continued success with women,

~ Robert Belland

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Now Available at  and  and 

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Understanding Women: Part 6 – She Fears Social Judgements?

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You can read Part 5: She’s Vulnerable here.
You can read Part 7: Her Inner Zombie? here.

Besides the obvious physical dangers that women face there is another, very misunderstood fear, that you should consider; the fear of social judgment, rejection or embarrassment.

This is no joke.

I think you (yes you specifically) lack an appreciation for a woman’s fear of social judgment just like she has a lack of appreciation for the sensitivity of your balls. Both fears are based upon a deep animal instinct grown from millennia of genetic pruning and fine tuning.

Women instinctively fear the loss of Social Status.

So what exactly do they fear?

Back in the caveman days social status was EVERYTHING. If you became an outcast you were dead. It was that simple. Even today we have this DEEP fear – both men and women.

But women are different then men. Where we men tend to grow up with a disconnect to our feelings we’re able to ignore some of the social judgements that women aren’t.

Just look at the nicknames women have that men don’t: slut, whore, bitch, tramp, easy, loose, frigid, cold-fish, or even virgin. Each judgement is meant to lower her perceived social value. Yet we men don’t have these same judgements, and so we tend to suffer far less inner scrutiny for our social behaviours.

Drunk Guys Are Funny
Drunk Guy - Funny?
Drunk Girls are slutty?
Drunk Girl - Slutty?

For some reason we judge women differently, and they know it.

Take time to understand a woman s fear of social judgment and you will learn ways to make your interactions with her fun, exciting, memorable, and attractive.

Otherwise you risk stomping all over her feelings without realizing it. That’s a poor way to pick up chicks dude.

It’s all about calibration

I went through high school misunderstanding what social calibration meant, which is why I was mostly single.

Don’t walk in my footsteps. Seriously. No seriously. Or I’ll kill you.

Calibration means knowing what is appropriate in certain situations, and what isn’t. We have names for guys with no social calibration: creepy, geeky, nerdy, and awkward.

He's not calibrated
He's not calibrated.

If you’re acting like any of these guys she’s going to avoid you in social situations simply because you will “ruin her rep” as they used to say. Basically she doesn’t want to get raped, or embarrassed.

It’s that simple.

Social judgment comes in many forms as well. Most women will never put themselves in a situation that will give other women the opportunity to label her as a “slut.” This means most women will go out of their way to appear very wholesome despite their very real internal lust for sexual adventures and exploration.

Rihanna - Good Girl AND Bad Girl

You should know that she wants to hookup at the bar as much as you do BUT she will NEVER admit it.

At least not in a social situation where her friends might judge her. This is why bar pickup has certain hurdles – approval of her friends, great rapport with the group, and multiple locations (jumping bar to bar, or bar to restaurant.) This helps her alleviate the fear that her friends will label her slutty, or easy… and it helps alleviate her from judging herself.

If you want a one-night-stand then you must LEAD, because it allows her to blame you when she goes home feeling unsure… she doesn’t want to go home feeling “easy.” Instead she wants to be able to say, “he seduced me.”

Excuses she tells her friends after hooking up with a guy the first might:

– Oh man, I was so drunk last night, I didn t even know what I was doing.
– Ya, he totally seduced me! I didn t even know what was happening!
– Ya, we went back to his place because he wanted to show me this awesome painting he did, and well one thing lead to another
– Well I was on vacation, and what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas

This doesn t mean most women don t want one-night stands, or that most women haven t had them, it just means women want to be very discreet about it. I ve met many women who were very uptight about sex talk and who would actively avoid it in social conversation. But in private they would burst wide open about fantasy talk and sexual adventures.

Realize this: women love sex JUST as much as we do!

This is important because it will help you to NOT take it so personally when she acts all shy about sex in public, around their friends, or even in front of you if you’ve just met. Acting prudish is her social defence. Kinda like a Bitch Shield is a social defence.

On the flip side we men often tie our self esteem to our sexual success too often. This is ALSO a mistake and should be avoided at all costs. Take heed of my words.

It’s nice to feel manly when you’re able to have sex with beautiful women but it’s ridiculous to chase women simply because you’re needing validation and approval. Pay attention to your motivations.

This anxiety of social and personal judgments will often lead a woman to something called Last minute resistance which is when a woman suddenly decides, at the last minute, to not have sex with you. There are many reasons that lead her to this point, and I ll cover that in a later blog post… if you ask nicely.

Calibration

Pay attention when talking with her.

Be aware of her body language, and those around you. It’s less important what she’s saying, and more important what her body is saying.

1) Is she really paying attention to what you are saying, or is she distracted by everything else? Is she looking at you, or looking around the room.

2) Is she leaning into you, or away from you?

3) Is she touching you, or avoiding you?

4) Is she responding well, by laughing and asking questions, or are her responses brief?

notice her bodylanguage
Pay attention to her body language

If she’s acting cold then you better notice it, because fumbling your way through a conversation with someone who doesn’t want one, is a great way to tell her that you’re socially retarded.

If you’re not noticing how she responds to your questions and answers then how are you ever going to know if she’s into you or not?

As a rule don’t bother a girl if she’s NOT responding to you. Simply smile, say, “It was nice to meet you” and walk away. This way other women watching don’t see you burn out and decide not to talk to you as well. Instead they recognize that you have good calibration and social awareness.

This includes chatting with girls through Facebook or Myspace. Men who aren’t calibrated will shower a woman’s profile with idiot comments, stories, and praise, but will not notice how she DOESN’T reciprocate. These guys seem needy and uncalibrated. Don’t be these guys!

Watch other guys

The best way to learn calibration is to watch other guys who are GREAT with women, and who are GREAT with everyone! A man who can hold a group of people captive through his words can be a great mentor. Find one and pay attention. Learn. Copy. Mimic. What ever it takes.

Learn from other men
Watch their movies and body language.

Practice

Notice how jocks in high school do well with women? It’s not just because they’re fit. It’s also because they spend their youth interacting with hundreds of people through events and parties.

Each time you interact with someone it’s like doing a rep at the gym. Guys with a huge bench press are guys who do a lot of bench press at the gym.

Talking to people are your reps. The world is your gym.

So hit the streets and talk to people, every day, all day. Not just the hot chicks, or the waitress you really like. Talk to every person you meet through out your day. This way you will slowly learn calibration and social skills.

Learn from the experts

There are a dozens of amazing dating couches who rule the online community. Find them. Read their books. And LEARN social calibration. This is so easy, and so assessable, that I’m amazed more men don’t do this. Instead most men end up being awkward, ignorant, and lonely.

Get out of your comfort zone and do some learning.

~ Robby

_

P.S. You can read Part 7: Her Inner Zombie? here.

P.S.S. Did any of this make sense? Ask me questions in the comments below.

Top Photo Credit: SuicideGirls.com – Pin-Up Punk Rock and Goth Girls

Understanding Women: Part 5 – She’s Vulnerable?

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You can read Part 4: She can read your mind? here.
You can read Part 6: She Fears Social Judgements? here.

Wonder why women have “Bitch Sheilds” or why they ignore your dirty advances? It’s because she knows you’re creepy long before you open your mouth.

But why do women develop this empathy and acute awareness?

Because you’re a pervert who touched himself growing up.

Just kidding, but not just kidding.

Nervous Girl
Photo By ItsMeKlara (flickr.com)

Try this experiment if you dare: take your closest female friends out for dinner (it’s okay to take your sisters if you have no female friends… I won’t judge) and ask them what it was like growing up as a girl.

Ask them to explain some of the scary things they ve encountered from older men when they hit puberty.

I ve done this myself and I was filled with rage against men, but I grew an appreciation for women and their sensitivities.

Almost all women will experience dramatic social changes when they hit puberty and when they start to develop their “womanly figures.” I ve heard stories about how awkward one friend of mine felt when she was only 14 when her dad s male friends would come over and have beers and stare at her awkwardly, possessively, and with deep sexual intent.

Think about how disturbing this would be as a young boy. Ever have a creepy uncle look at you weird? Think about it.

Creepy Uncle
She's been dealing with creepy guys for years ... respect that.

When I had this discussion with many of the women I ve dated I was also horrified at how many rape stories I would hear. Not only do almost all women have a story where they were victimized in one way or another, but every girl who was telling me their story seemed to have a peaceful detachment from it. I found that I became very upset to hear their stories, while they seemed to have a quiet acceptance of the whole thing, as if it was simply just a part of life.

Being the victims of attacks and unwelcome sexual aggression seemed almost an acceptable part of their past. This makes me angry when I think about it. Mostly because I have sisters,nieces, and a mom.

If you sit with a girl and listen to her stories you’ll grow a deeper understanding as to why women seemed so intuitive about men. They need to be.

Consider how many strange men they encounter through out their lives.

I'm glad I'm not a girl sometimes...

Realize this: you’re big, she’s small. She knows this and puts herself into a very vulnerable situation when going on a date with you.

Stop taking her vulnerability for granted.

Why does this matter?

Well if you ever expect a woman to open up to you and become physically and emotionally vulnerable she will need to have a level of trust with you that most guys don t even think about. The fear she has deep in her body is based upon real life experience, as well as artifacts from her prehistoric brain.

The cave-woman who survived and reproduced learned which dudes to avoid and which dudes to trust. If she didn t she wouldn’t survive to have kids, who had kids, who had you.

Pregnancy is another life-threatening danger women face that we guys don’t.

These are just SOME of her fears when opening up to a new guy.

When I first started dating this never even occurred to me.

Mostly because I was so self absorbed with my own fears and desires that it didn t occur to me that her fears would be so different than mine.

When you approach a woman for the first time, and she doesn t know you, she has very real defense mechanisms that will help her keep safe from the likes of you. You need to be very aware of this so that you can act accordingly AND so that you don’t take offense.

If you re acting creepy, slimy, or questionable in some way, shape, or form, she ll filter you out as being unsafe or questionable.

She's a bitch because of creepy guys... don't be offended.

Here are ways you might be acting creepy (when you first meet her):

  • Staring from across a room but not approaching.
  • Asking uncalibrated questions ( What kind of underwear are you wearing? )
  • Inappropriate jokes.
  • Laughing too loud, and too often.
  • Uncomfortable body language like shifting around, chewing your finger nails, or any bizarre postures.
  • Uncomfortably close body language.
  • Over bearing eye contact with no smiling.
  • No teeth smiles are kind of creepy.
  • Any smile where the eye s don t also smile. (Fake Smiles)
  • Touching inappropriately such as suddenly touching her for the first time 30 minutes into your conversation. This also includes touching her too often, and in her erogenous zones without invitation (belly, face, breasts, ass, upper legs, etc.)
  • Bragging.
  • Giving too many compliments, especially about her physical features.
  • Overly sexual body language, comments, or behavior.
  • Acting awkward in any way.
  • Inventing and discussing future plans together.
  • Trying to win her affections by buying her and her friends drinks, or any outwardly obvious flaunting of money.

Here are ways you might be acting creepy (on the first date):

  • Disclosing too much information. Keep private matters private at first.
  • Smothering her with interest before a real relationship has been given an opportunity to develop: this includes love letters, too many emails, phone calls, displays of affection, etc.
  • Acting possessive or overly protective. She s not yours, don t act like she is.
  • Dropping by unexpectedly and uninvited.
  • Showing a lack of emotional control (Outbursts of anger, fear, or sadness.)
  • Showering her with gifts and expensive meals.
  • Hitting on her friends, or other girls in front of her.

There are many physical, emotional and financial risks that women take when dating that you should consider. Women have real reasons to be very selective about the men they date and have sex with. Don’t be offended. Don’t be jaded. And don’t be creepy.

Be understanding, sincere, honest, and fun.

Being FUN will overrule her feelings of fear every time.

~ Robby

P.S. You can read Part 6: She Fears Social Judgements? here.

P.S.S. Did any of this make sense? Ask me questions in the comments below.

Top Photo Credit: SuicideGirls.com – Pin-Up Punk Rock and Goth Girls

Understanding Women: Part 2 – She Has Feelings?

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You can read Part 1: Women are Illogical? here.
You can read Part 3: Change Her Mood here.

In my ongoing challenge to both understand the beautiful women of this world AND to help educate my fellow man I’ve started this series I’m calling Understanding Women.

While You’re Thinking, She’s Busy Feeling

Go read the book Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus written by John Grey.

Does it seem lazy when I suggest you’read someone else’s book? Perhaps but I never said I wasn’t lazy.

At first you might say, “But that s a relationship book and I m more concerned with dating!”

You make a strong argument, but since I’m the boss I can say what ever I want. So heed my advice.

In Grey’s book he goes into great detail explaining the differences in how men and women perceive the world around them. He goes into magnificent details about how men try to fix things and spend much of their time in their own heads, while women are all about expressing themselves. He explains the common ways men and women can miss-communicate which only leads a healthy relationship into the stinkers.

Basically women are very emotional creatures. If this is news to you then you haven’t been paying attentinon. Shame on you!

I don’t think you’re going to find a guy who disagrees with this. And even though you may actually understand this as a “concept,” you may still have trouble seeing the world as women do.

 

Our Differences

For example, if you’re a dude and your buddy comes up to you and asks you how your date went last night you’ll likely say something like this:

“Oh it went pretty good I think. She was wearing this super hot mini-skirt! I thought she seemed pretty into me. I think I’ll see her again.” 

Now let’s say you’re a girl and your best friend calls you up and asks you how your date went last night; you might say something like this:

“Oh hey Nancy! Ya, I went out with Kevin last night. I was so nervous at first, but when he picked me up he made me laugh so hard! So I totally felt more comfortable once we got to the restaurant. It wasn t very crowded there so I felt kind of in the spot light, but he was charming so I relaxed after a few minutes. He kept looking at my hair which made me feel like I had something in it that was awkward, but then I went to the bathroom and it looked fine so God only knows what that was about… Oh and I loved how great he was with our waiter… he was new and nervous and Kevin made a bunch of jokes which made our waiter so much more calm.. I felt that was really decent of him. At the end of the night I felt pretty good about him and I  felt like he was pretty into me too, so I hope I see him again!”

Now, can you spot the differences in these to points of view?

Notice how the guy says I think a lot and the woman says I feel a lot. This is VERY important to notice.

Notice how long the woman’s response was compared to the man’s?

In reality two girls discussing a date could eat up hours of dissection and discussion. (Read anything by David Deida if you want to fully understand the power of Masculine Vs. Feminine.) The major difference I’m trying to point out is that as men we tend to speak in terms of how we think and we evaluate things, while women describes things in the form of their emotions and how the events made them feel.

This is a very significant difference that most men have trouble appreciating.

Have you ever been asked something like “So how do you feel about me?”  except in your man-brain you hear “So what do you think about me?”

 

 

Can You See The Difference?

You’re likely to respond with something like “Oh, I think you’re real smart” when what she really wants to hear is “Oh, I feel you’re real smart.”

She wants to know how you feel about her because that’s how she interprets the world around her – in terms of her emotional body. Where as most men see the world much more literally. Men tend to be very “rational”, and women tend to be more “interpretive.” This is one reason women make amazing artists and musicians. They naturally have a way of feeling the world in a way most men don’t. It’s not that we can’t, it’s mostly that we’re not trained for it?

A guy might say, “It’s a bright sunny day”, pointing out the specifics of the moment while a woman might say, “today feels so warm and amazing outside!” because she relates things to her emotions. This difference is tremendous when it comes to appreciating how women see the world around them, and more importantly for this blog, how they interpret their encounters with us men.

Why does this matter? Because if you’re not communicating in a way that connects to a woman’s feelings then you’re basically invisible to her.

Take time through out your life to connect with your feelings, instead of being a detached robot. When it comes to connecting with women this will be your greatest skill! Without a real understanding of your own emotions you’ll never be able to easily create rapport with that ONE special girl you’re so desperately trying to seduce.

Remember: having emotions is okay. Spilling them all over everyone you meet isn’t. Being a man doesn’t mean being emotionless, it simply means having composure in the face of difficult emotions.

 

Example of NO composure

Example of GOOD composure

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ri13wHUvvbs

Tom Cruise could have freaked out, but instead he kept cool. Unfortunately Tom Cruise is pretty much crazy.

 

Why does this even matter?

If the fastest way to seduce a woman follows a specific flow (Attraction, Rapport, and Intimacy) then how we communicate dictates the success of each stage.

In the attraction stage we communicate like animals – it’s mostly subtle body language, vocal tonality, and our expressiveness… it has very little to do with the words that come out of our mouths. From this her body will either respond positively or negatively. Eventually these feelings will filter into her brain and she’ll form some type of impression of you. From there she’s either interested or not.

If she is interested she’ll immediately want to start building rapport. Rapport is about sharing our similarities and differences. This is where we explore each other’s boundaries and expectations. This can happen within the first 10 minutes of meeting someone. The attraction stage can set off her need to build rapport very quickly. It happens this same way for us guys. How many guys do you see trying to buy that hot girl a drink at the bar? Buying her a drink is their clumbsy way of trying to build rapport. Except she hasn’t yet shown any attraction towards them  so this is often a useless tactic… unless you’re good at building attraction after the ice is broken.

But here’s where it get’s interesting… when in the rapport stage (which continues for the extent of your relationship) she will be trying to communicate with you through her feelings… and if you’re not skilled at this you’ll be trying to communicate to her through your thoughts and ideas.

Your job, if you want to keep that beautiful woman, is to truely understand your own feelings and not just your thoughts. Thinking is great, but feeling is important too. The problem with us guys is that we’ve grown up scared of our feelings and we’re given no tools as to how to use/describe/share them. And when we finally do try to express ourselves we’re bumbling fools.

But try to imagine how powerful a man you would be with the women you choose to date when you’re able to finally communicate with them on a level playing field. Emotions to emotions, or, heart to heart.

A great book to read to get you headed in the right direction is called, “The Four Agreements,” by Don Ruiz. He’ll open your mind up to the crazy conflicts we have inside our own heads.

 

~ Robby

P.S. You can read Part 3: Change Her Mood here.

P.S.S. Did any of this make sense? Ask me questions in the comments below.

 

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