Why do you think you have to convince women to date you?
You can’t convince a woman to want you. Attraction isn’t a choice. Either a woman feels it or she doesn’t. Imagine going on a date with a woman, and then her calling you non-stop even though you’re not attracted to her. But imagine her trying to convince you non-stop how wonderful it would be to be with you, and how great you would be together. Wouldn’t it annoy you? Wouldn’t you see her as the most desperate and insecure woman you’d ever met?
Of course you would! So why do I keep getting these emails?
There’s a girl I’m trying to convince to date me, but I just don’t understand her. She’s not interested in me. Sometimes she responds harshly to me too. I want her so badly. How can I get her to date me?”
She responds harshly to you? Do you have a complex?
She’s not interested in you. Give it up. Do you really want to be with a woman who reacts harshly to you anyway?
It’s not healthy being with a woman who is going to bust your balls and make you feel insure and insignificant all the time. It’s amazing how many guys put up with this. There was a client of mine a couple of years ago who was in an abusive relationship. The woman actually beat him. That’s right. She hit him, yet he stayed with her because he “loved her” and didn’t think he deserved any better. And that’s what these kind of emails tell me.
If you spend all your time trying to convince women to date you, you shouldn’t even be dating right now. You should be listening to my audio called “Self-love.”
You need to improve your self-confidence and boost your self-esteem. You need to feel great as a man, because if not you’re going to keep attracting mean, abusive women, who only want to be with you because they know they can control you. You can’t convince women you’re great. They have to see it themselves.
It’s time to man up and start working on yourself. Women are not the end all be all. A relationship doesn’t define who you are. You need to define yourself before you have a relationship. My advice to you is get your balls and your manhood back, and THEN go and find a girlfriend. Don’t waste your time chasing women who don’t want you!
(Today’s Guest Guru Post is by David Wygant, a legendary Dating Coach with his own fantastic website www.DavidWygant.com. Go check it out!)
I’ve been a dating coach now for nearly 20 years, and without doubt, the most common problem guys are dealing with when they come to me for help is being shy with women. I would say at least 8 out of every 10 guys who look me up for coaching want help finding a cure for social anxiety, or help overcoming approach anxiety.
Let’s get right into it… dating online is superficial.
Before she she will want to connect with you in “real life,” or even via web cam, she has to like what she sees.
She can’t hear you, or smell you, or pickup on the nuances of your personality until she get’s to spend some time with you face to face, cheek to cheek.
She can’t even taste you… yet.
The reality is that your dating profile is all she get’s to see so let’s make the most it.
Nothing is as important as your profile photo. She will NOT read your profile if you look unattractive in your profile photos.
But the benefit to dating online is that you can take as much time as you wish perfecting those photos… I recommend having three photos, no more than five.
Have one head shot, one full body, and one with friends. The head shot allows her to see your full beauty. The full body allows her to see what your body looks like, and the one with friends tricks her into thinking you have friends.
This article is all about your money shot… your face.
How To Pose
Here’s two major tips on making yourself look amazing:
Use A Professional
Listen… as nice as your iPhone camera is, it’ll never give you the beautiful lights and darks, and depths as a Pro Camera with a Pro Lens.
Just hire a pro, it’s worth it.
Use A Soft Flash
If you’re doing this with a friend suggest using a bounce flash, or a diffused flash, as opposed to a harsh direct flash. Using a direct flash will make you look older and will give you hard edges. A soft flash will make you look more.. handsome.
You can’t get a decent depth of field in a photo with a pocket camera, you need a nice camera with a nice lens. This is what using a pro is good for. But if you’re still set on using your buddy Frank and his DSLR then be sure to create as much depth of field as possible. Learn how here.
Fill The Frame
Often dating sites will shrink your photos into thumbnails, which will shrink your beautiful face… so make sure your face fill the screen.
Fitness Translates To The Camera
Obviously there is only so much a camera can do for how you look. The best way to improve your appearance is to be physically healthy, lean, and happy. Those who care for themselves tend to be more attractive.
Self Worth Takes Work
When you work on your confidence it builds confidence. When you work on your muscles, it builds muscles.
For some reason there are plenty of men out there who don’t realize that you can BUILD your self esteem through purpose driven work. Confident men don’t accidentally become confident, they work at it. All the time.
Here are a few resources I like that might help you, should you want to refresh your confident muscles.
Maybe it’s her friends pulling her away from you, maybe it’s the loud music in the club, maybe it’s you. You don’t know WHAT it is but it’s a matter of time before you lose her. You can see it before your eyes.
In what follows, I’m going to solve this problem for you. I can get you past this sticking point of not being able to get a girl genuinely interested in you for more than a couple of minutes. In fact, I’m gonna do more than that.
The answer is sex. If you want to get laid a lot and with lots of different women, you have to introduce sex as early in the conversation as possible (I’m gonna teach you how).
What I’m about to teach you will not only move things to the next level with pretty much any woman, but will cause her to never catalogue you as yet another “boring dude” that she’s met in the club.
After being told by several different girls that, no matter what we talk about, I always steer things to sex, I want to share this weird secret with you. I’m about to show you how to lure girls into innocent conversations, plant a sexual seed and then quickly start talking about sex like you’re already doing it with each and every one of them.
If there’s one mistake guys make with girls that sabotages their chances of getting some, is they aren’t sexual enough. They spend hours and hours trying to “build rapport” or “getting to know her” or, even worse “creating attraction”, instead of focusing on the primal emotion that drives us humans: sex.
Even before you start opening your mouth, a woman’s brain whispers to her “SEX!”. This guy wants to be with you. So yes, sex is on the table right from the get go. Now, you can’t start talking about it right from the start – that would be creepy.
But what you CAN do is wait for the right moment to show your sexual side, and then jump at the opportunity, instead of wasting it by fluff-talking your way out of getting laid. And that moment happens usually way sooner that most guys think… usually in the first 4-5 minutes after you’ve met her, sometimes even as soon as 90 seconds.
The good news is that turning a conversation to sex can happen at any point. You just have to trust yourself that you can do it and let go of that silly voice in your head that tells you it’s too soon.
To be a master at turning conversations to sex, you have to know a lot about it. Here are a few starting points (all of which are covered in the Sensual Hunter Method):
– sexual jokes
– sexual facts
– sensual projections
– celebs and gossip
I know, I know. Talking about Brad Pitt’s sexual life is somewhat below your level, but you’ll be doing it with a purpose. You see, it’s socially acceptable to talk about a celebrity’s sex life, even at times when yours or hers is out of the question. From there on, the seed has been planted and you’ll soon enough start discussing which position she enjoys best.
Sexual jokes and facts are yet another way to spice things up. Stronger than sex gossip, sexual jokes should be used carefully. Use stronger jokes when you’ve already established some good rapport. Use lighter ones when you’re not there yet.
And if most of the jokes you know are too dirty to say to a woman you’ve just met, how about some sex facts?
Did you know that dolphins and bonobos are the only creates besides humans that have sex for pleasure? Or that a sexual act can burn 100 calories for the woman and 150 for the man? Did you know that kissing can reduce tooth decay?
Once you start digging into sexual facts, you’ll absorb them like a sponge. Trust me, once you read and reread them, more and more opportunities to inject them into innocent conversations will unfold.
Let me put everything into perspective for you on how to become natural at turning any conversation with a woman to sex:
1. Educate yourself to the point you become a sex expert
2. Start regular conversation with girls, then, with the first chance you get, interject some of the things you remember about sex
3. Don’t be afraid they’ll react badly: they won’t. Stand your ground and let the chips fall where they may.
4. Interject more sexual facts, jokes or projections after 3-4 minutes. You can, of course, adjust this interval depending on your skill and the girl you’re talking with.
Hey listen… your girlfriend is a fickle creature. If you don’t provide for her this Christmas then someone else will. So skip the annoying lineups and order her ANY of these Christmas Gift Ideas online and in the comfort of your torn/stained underwear.
What do I know about gifts, you might ask? Because I’m a God Damn expert, son.
For example, for my Tight Tortilla, I made an advent calendar this year. You know that $6 chocolate calendar you can get from Walmart that has 24 chocolates for the 24 days before Christmas?
Well fudge that sheet.
I made her a small gift bag for each day before Christmas.
Why? Because we’ve been together for 5 years and I haven’t proposed yet, okay?
Get off my back about it!!
Organic Tea Flowering Gift Set
It’s Orgasmic Organic.
She puts it in her mouth. BOOM!
It’s the number 1 seller on Amazon in the Tea Gift section.
It’s flowers man… FLOWERS that she DRINKS! Fucking genius.
Peter Lik Art And Photos
The Photos continue to increase in value each year.
They are beautiful.
They are very expensive, so she’ll be impressed?
Laser Cut Jewelry Via Online Artists
Homemade Art that she can wear makes you a seem just a little more handsome.
It’s most likely to be something she’s NEVER seen before. Boom! You’re her hero!
It’ll give you more reasons to stare at her chest (boobies.)
Just Google Laser Cut Jewelry online to see what’s available.
Yes your girlfriend fantasizes about sexual submission, even if you’re too lazy to test her boundaries.
Within the first book the hero and heroine exchange 124 “grins” and 124 “frowns”… which, by the way, seems an awful lot of frowning for a woman who experiences “intense,” “body-shattering,” “delicious,” “violent,” “all-consuming,” “turbulent,” “agonizing” and “exhausting” orgasms on just about every page.
It’s chocolate made from Magic and baby panda tears.
JACEK Chocolate Couture is proud to only source chocolate from the best chocolate makers around the world who are committed to empowering cacao farmers to improve their incomes, who are active in supporting industry programs that aim at eradicating abusive child labor, and who have ecological sustainability in mind.
One word: Truffles!
Isla Bonita ( Fancy Bikinis )
Famous people wear them on TV – like Sarah Hyland from Modern Family.
If she’s got the body for this sort of thing… then she should share it with my eyeballs.
They’ll make her ass look EPIC.
Lindor Chocolate Truffles, 5 Flavors (50 Count)
There’s 50! So basically you could eat 15 before you wrap it and she wouldn’t even notice.
I’ve read some of your article and it seems like you definitely understand women. Do you think it would be a bad idea to lose my v card at a (legal) Nevada Brothel just to get it over with and gain some much needed confidence?
Hey, thanks for the question!
Any two people can meet in a club and go home and have sex, and that’s perfectly legal. But the moment there’s money exchange it becomes illegal?
So ya, if you’re going to find a Lady Of The Night… have fun! Just play safe and don’t do anything that will get you arrested.
But I will say this… you won’t walk away from Paid Sex knowing anything about sex. The entire encounter will be fake and won’t teach you anything.
If you want to build your confidence with women then you definitely shouldn’t tie your identity to your virginity, nor should any one thing (like sex) dictate how confident you are.
Confidence is about trusting yourself to handle any given situation.
You will often see sports jocks who do well on the field also do well in the dating world. This is because they’ve been through really hard challenges both personally and professionally and they simply learn how to feel grounded and self secure no matter they face… even in the face of challenges they’ve never had.
Confidence cones from trusting yourself to figure things out no matter what you face.
In order to build your confidence you should work on these main things:
1) No matter what happens, you’re going to be fine.
You should realize that no matter what happens on a first date (or 20th date, or the first time you have sex, or the millionth time you have sex) you can handle it. Even if she slapped your face and ran away crying, it’s going to be okay. Even if she laughs at your dick, it’s going to be okay. Even if nothing happens and you really connect with a girl… it’s going to be okay.
This might seem impossible to believe, but I’ve been around and I’ve seen some shit. Everything is survivable.
I think I have this mindset because I’ve taught myself this over many many years. I went through a horrible divorce and when I came out the other side I realized… nothing lasts and nothing ever kills me. Even my hardest up hill run… even if my heart feels like it’s going to stop and I can’t breath… I always survive because nothing is really that bad.
2) Courage takes practice.
If you’re scared of talking to women you’ve just met then teach yourself, slowly, to talk to strangers. I did this myself… I would make small talk while shopping. Things like, “Excuse me, do you have the time. Oh, that’s a great watch, where did you get it? Thanks!” I’d ask people every day just to get in the habit of making small talk with strangers. And over time I’d ask even the super hot girls in huge groups. And eventually I learned how to string those conversations out longer and longer.
Find very small things that make you nervous and try them out. Even in tiny ways.
Even physical challenges are really good for this. I used to run a lot and I would run up a hill and refuse to stop. Even when I felt like I would die, just to prove to myself that I could make it even if it really really really hurt.
This build my courage through experience.
3) The only person who’s opinion matters is your own.
A great skill to develop is the ability to not take things personally.
When someone gives you a compliment say, “Thanks” but never ever let their opinion build you up, or make you FEEL good about yourself.
The benefit is this: when you no longer give credit to the opinion of others you are free to only give and get approval from yourself.
And in this way you will no longer care when someone insults you, or tries to hurt your feelings. When that dude makes fun of you because you didn’t know something you can shrug it off… because you don’t CARE what he thinks of you.
And when you take the time to give yourself approval, each day, through your actions, you build your confidence.
“Hey Robby, good work out today!”
“Hey Robby, I like how you made your bed first thing in the morning, I appreciate that dude.”
“Hey, good hustle on that run today!”
Over time you’ll discover that every time you work hard you will reward yourself with strong inner dialogue.
This will make you immune to the disapproval of others. And will build your confidence. Because confidence can either be tied to what someone else thinks (making you their dog or bitch) or it can be tied to you and your own personal successes.
This work will build your inner strengths. And if you want to be good with women too, then study them. Read some books. And more importantly, talk to them. Because when you’re open and honest and vulnerable with a girlfriend, she’s going to WANT to give you sex… and she’s going to fear that she’s doing it wrong the entire time. They ALWAYS fear doing it wrong. And it’ll be YOUR job to teach her what you like, and her job to teach you what she likes… and you might have to ask if she’s super shy. But you won’t have this communication with someone you have to pay for sex because they only care about making you cum and getting you out the door.
There’s a tonne of online videos about how to perform in the bedroom, and I don’t mean main-stream porn. I mean instructional videos made by women. Watch them and learn.
I especially like the sexual advice from David Dedia, look him up and read his stuff!!
Yea there’s a few legal brothels in Nevada. Totally safe and legal. Condom use Is mandatory.
You make a lot of excellent points.
That is definitely true about doing things that scare you and being in shape giving you confidence. That’s cool that you do hill running. I’ve ran 10k races before. And I have a Black Belt in Kenpo Karate. It does wonders for your confidence.
However the problem is that even though I feel good about myself doing these things I still have NO clue how to talk to girls or get them to like me.
I guess my biggest fear is not knowing what to say.
I get what your saying about how it’s not what you say to a woman, its how make her FEEL. That’s very true. However. Even though I can make women laugh and make small talk I never know how to take it to the next level. Should I start by maybe playfully touching them or giving subtle hints?
I just want to add that you’re a really awesome guy. That’s really admirable that you have taken to sharing what you have learned about women and inner game with your fellow man. A lot of guys would jealously guard there secrets.
Hey, thanks! Ya, there’s no need to guard these ideas from other men, unless I somehow think I can sleep with all the women of this world. But I can’t, so someone else should. Hopefully that’s you.
Women seem scary only because you don’t have experience with them. I was lucky enough to grow up with all women in my house, so I grew up learning that women are hilarious and insecure and harmless. They can’t physically hurt you, so that fear is gone. And most women grow up thinking that their social value is completely tied to their looks… which makes most women incredibly insecure about themselves. This is unfortunate for them, but gives guys like you and I a decent chance at wining their hearts.
Because when you’re a MAN who can take care of a woman with true love in your heart, no matter what her moods, you’ll always get the girl.
I’m sure martial arts teaches you composure in the face of fear and danger, right? Well being good with women is this exact same thing.
When you first approach a woman and you can keep calm and happy, deep into your soul, it doesn’t matter what she says… all that matters is how she FEELS about how YOU feel. If she was feeling bitchy and was trying to push your buttons but you were completely un-reactive to her.. and you even grinned a little, as if you knew a secret (the secret is that girls push guys away often as a test, and sometimes out of insecurities) then by just being calm you would calm her.
Once you’re in a conversation with a girl, or even a date, it’s EASY to move things into the bedroom.
Because the steps to get into the bedroom are always the same. It’s like learning a Kata in karate. Learn those steps and simply take them each one at a time.
Your job is to hang out with her and have fun – the VIBE needs to be comfortable and fun. Learning how to flirt a little and tease her a little is what helps build tension and mystery and suspense. Being honest and open and vulnerable once in a while is what helps her relax and trust you. The combination of teasing and trust is what women call “chemistry.”
Women WANT to have a sex with men. They love sex too. But they fear being hurt. And they fear being embarrassed.
So as a man you need to always assume she’s scared.
Sex Is Just A Room In a Haunted House
Think of sex as a dark scary room in a haunted house. You’re both at the entrance to the house and you’re thinking about going in to find that scary room together. How do you get her into the scary house and into the scary room with you?
Teach her three major things:
1) That the house is scary but it’s harmless and fun. The scary part is what makes it fun.
2) You’ll protect her by taking her hand and leading her room to room, always taking all the risks yourself.
3) She can trust that you’re willing to back out of any room, or situation, at any time should she get too scared.
To help you accomplish these three steps, when seducing a girl, you need a little preparation.
1) You need to learn about all the scary rooms in the haunted house in advance.
This means learning about sex via books or videos or friends or articles. This way when you’re naked you can relax and explore her body inch by inch without being surprised by anything, and so that you’re not unsure of what to expect because you’ll have already seen it in a video, or read it in a book. Truly, the “sex” part of sex is easy. Anything you do with her naked, even if it’s just kissing and touching, is sex.
This also means learning about the specific steps of sexual escalation. This is also outlined in detail online: Google Escalation Ladder by Vin DeCarlo. He’s breaks it down pretty clearly.
David DeAngelo also wrote something called “Bridges”
So learning these steps is most likely what you’re missing.
2) Teaching her to trust you comes from being trust worthy.
Always do what you say you’re going to do.
And be patient by taking a step back if she’s acting nervous. Always stop when she wants to stop. Pay attention to how she feels (don’t ask just pay attention.)
Don’t let her see you judging other women for the way they look or act or dress. Don’t call women slutty, etc. She needs to learn that you’re completely non judgemental. This helps a woman relax and open up to being vulnerable ( and naked ) while with you.
When you’re flirting or teasing her make sure you only tease her about things that she’s really confident in, and never what she’s not confident in. So you would never tease a fat girl about being fat. You could only tease a skinny girl about being fat if she’s is completely aware that you’re being sarcastic. This takes time to find a balance and practice. I’ve made girls run from the room crying while I was learning where this line was. When in doubt just play it safe. Ha!
3) Taking her by the hand and being a leader is how you get a girl naked. Because she will never do it for you, unless she’s paid.
Another side of trust is when a guy leads. He invites her out for dinner. He suggests a time and place. He suggests he picks her up and drops her off. By leading you’re telling her that she can relax and that you’ll take all the risks in order to help her relax and trust you.
Don’t fear… once you’re in a relationship you can start to share the leadership and trust, but not at the beginning.
While watching Honey Boo Boo a few weeks back (yes I watch it, and yes I love it) I recognized how much I like Sugar Bear. He’s the patriarch of the house and Alana “Honey Boo Boo”‘s dad. He’s also madly in love with Honey Boo Boo’s mom June.
There’s something about this man that I really love. Despite his physical appearance (and perhaps poor hygiene) this dude really has his shit together.