Sometimes we guys can act needy without realizing it…
So if I am kinda dating someone, should I be busy sometimes when she is available to do things. I am a firefighter and have a very busy life she is a nurse and is busy too. So if I am busy sometimes, will she make me a bigger priority in her life? Or will it backfire? I just would like to see her more often but I want her to instigate our encounters from time to time.
I actually wrote a book called “Ignore And Score” so I can say this with some confidence… women don’t like being ignored, but it doesn’t matter if she likes it, it only matters if she’s attracted to you.
I think what you’re really asking is “Can I see her more often without scaring her away because I get the feeling she’s not as into me as I am into her…?”
Am I close?
To which I might say, “this is an attraction problem, mixed with an insecurity you have about losing her.”
It’s typical and it sucks. Wanting someone more then they want you, or to have it at least seem that way, sucks. I’ve lived this nightmare plenty of times.
Mirror Her Interest Levels
Seeing her more often isn’t going to scare her away, unless she already doesn’t want to hang out with you. Plus, it depends on how long you’ve been dating… a few weeks (stick to a few visits a week) or a few months? (3 or 4 visits a week is okay.)
The reason some women run away when a guy wants to hang out more often is because it can come across as both too needy (from him) and too much commitment (for her.) If she’s unsure about you then seeing more of you isn’t going to help her… only seeing less of you works.
Less helps her to miss you.
More might make her feel smothered, which will push her away.
That’s something you’re going to have to feel out for yourself. Basically just mirror her emotional connection to you.
If she’s leaning into you emotionally, then you can see her a little more.
If she’s leaning away, then give her more space.
Women Like It When You Lead
It’s okay to ALWAYS be the initiator.
Trust me, it’s OKAY.
Some women simply won’t call a guy and make plans. Making plans is kind of a “masculine” thing.. it’s about taking action and having direction. Women love that type of guy. It’s not needy, it’s about being a leader and someone she feels safe with.
The only time you need to initiate less is if she’s always finding reasons to say no to you. If you find she’s always too busy to meet up, then call her 50% less often. Eventually she’ll either leave (because she wasn’t into you any way) OR she’ll start calling more often, which is a win.
Chasing the girl works, but only if she let’s you catch her. Don’t chase a girl who’s never going to be interested in getting caught.
It’s okay to be nervous and excited to see her… it’s not okay if you let that energy turn sour and needy by calling her too often and asking her how she “feels” about you, etc.
If she’s having a good time with you, but only once a week, that’s still a great sign!
Sometimes it can take a woman months before she’s relaxed and comfortable being with you. Some women have negative past experiences with dudes and want a lot of space at the beginning of a relationship, so give her space AND be very present and fun when you’re together.
I hope this helps?