Question

Does this make me shallow? Should I still date him?

OK, so I am almost finishing my degree, just one year left, and I met this guy when I went to the beach.

I went with family and even though I’m accustomed to people looking at me I noticed this guy kept checking me out. Then two guys told me that their friend liked me and wanted my number but I told them to tell him to come ask himself.

I thought he would chicken out if he was that shy …but he came in the water and came and talked to me.

He was good looking but I’m more attracted to a guy’s personality. I talked to him and he was really nice and he kept blushing and we talked a lot and I didn’t wanna go home but I had to because my family was getting ready to head back home.

I memorized his number and he memorized mine as well.

He called me and we talked from 9pm to 2:30am straight…but I found out that he’s 26 (I’m 20) …soooo he told me that he does tiling (as in tiles.)

Am I shallow to not wanna date him because soon I’ll have my degree and he’ll still be tiling?

Is it bad that it turns me off somewhat?

Should I still date him? He has boyfriend potential and he’s really a good guy and I can see myself with him, and he really likes me a lot – he keeps saying it and showing it … but… should I date him still even though I am more intelligent than him?

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Answer

This is a tough one… it’s pretty much impossible for someone like me to tell you to be “less shallow,” because I’m not you and my values aren’t yours. Also realize that there is a huge difference between being more intelligent and more educated.

But I can tell you this… being shallow is something we all tend to out grow as we experience more from life. At first we are superficial because that’s all we can see… the surface. Things like our outer appearance and the approval of our social group feels really important.

But something happens as time goes on. We realize that most peoples opinions have nothing to do with us. Frank hates my clothes? That’s because Frank cares too much about people liking HIS clothes. Susie laughs at your car? That’s because Susie is self conscious about her car and what people think of her.

And, as you grow up, you realize that people who are MOST superficial are the MOST insecure… because their inner foundations are based on the approval of what everyone else thinks… and what everyone else thinks changes all the time. You won’t feel confident for long when you rely upon the approval of others.

So, for now, maybe it’s actually okay to be a little superficial.. because that’s how you learn what’s REALLY important to you. Maybe you have to reject a few good guys, and date a few bad guys before you can really KNOW what you’re looking for.

As you mature you will hopefully start to care only about what YOU think of you. That’s when you might realize that your MAN is more than his work. He’s also someone you can talk to, someone you can rely upon, and someone who you can lean on when times are tough.

Maybe you’ll find that life is more than how much money you make… and that the deep inner most intimate relationships are the only things we care about when we go to bed… not how much money we made or how many people liked us that day.

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Here’s my point: don’t go with JUST your feelings… feelings are deceptive.

Use your head, your heart AND your gut.

Use all of those things and you’ll develop wisdom.

If you only rely upon your feelings you’ll stay immature.

If you use only your head you’ll become a robot.

For now I suggest you simply do what you THINK is right for YOU and learn from the outcome.

Pushing him away might introduce you to someone you don’t doubt. 🙂

Good luck!

~ Robby