QUESTION:

Has this girl lost interest?

Previously I told you about this girl that I was dating long distance.  I was going to visit her at the end of October. I did and also had a job interview there. Long story short, she texted me the day I was leaving that we didn’t have anything in common and that we could stay friends but nothing more, ever. I told her that I can’t be “only” friends with her because I would be lying to myself and I’ll walk away. I told her that if she changes her mind to call me.

I learned that I wasn’t assertive enough and wasn’t talking that much. My cousin told me this. I’m more of an observer and laid back. She snap chatted that she lost all her numbers. I sent her my number. She replied, “why would I want your number? You’re not my friend.”

She thought I was mad about it and started an argument. She said that she never wanted a one on one date with me and didn’t want anything more then just friends.

Which is a lie. She told me she couldn’t wait to see me. She kissed me on the lips. She called and texted me first everyday. She called me handsome and she adored me. When my cousin and I were going to meet her she said, “is daddy there with you?” On the speaker phone. She blocked me off instagram and unfollowed me on Snapchat. I unfriended for from facebook.

I’m going to see her again when I stay there. Is there any attraction there still?

How should should I act around her?

 

RESPONSE:

Hey man, I get your confusion, it sounds pretty frustrating actually. Mixed messages and shit.

Something I’ve learned about women and dating is this… when your inner foundations are solid all of these minor confusions no longer seem confusing.

If this was ME this is how I would see the situation:

First there’s some hot girl who shows me interest, which I like. I like when girls show me interest, mostly because I realize that I find relationships WAY more satisfying when my girlfriend is chasing me a little, and not the other way around.

When I was younger I would chase women because it was exciting, like trying to win the lottery. It pushed all of my arousal buttons you might say.

And the opposite was also true… when girls showed too much interest I lost interest because it was kinda boring.

This was the old me.

The immature me.

The me who only cared about FEELING as much as possible, instead of seeing the BIG PICTURE…

But then I spent years reading books on inner game, confidence, happiness, and peace of mind.

I also realized that when we chase women, and when we put them on pedestals, we kill their attraction for us. Of course we guys LOVE looking up at a princess and admiring her up there… wishing she’d want us, give us approval, and love us for loving them. But that’s the immature fantasy that doesn’t exist in real life.

Because women can’t feel attraction from way up there. They can’t look down on us and feel attracted to us. They can feel sorry for us, but that’s about it. Women are not going to look down from the pedestal we made them and then want to suck our dicks.

Attraction doesn’t occur out of obligation. We can’t make them want us by being overly nice, or giving them gifts or love or our attention. GIVING it to them for nothing is not attractive. Reciprocity doesn’t build attraction….

In any case… only when she puts US up on a pedestal will she feel a deep desire to suck our dicks, please us and worship us.

This means we have to approach building her attraction differently. We have to see ourselves as the prize, as the goal, and not the other way around. We have to believe truly that we’re awesome boyfriend material and that we shouldn’t waste our energy on women undeserving of us.

It’s not that we see ourselves as better than others, it’s just that we see ourselves as worthy, valuable and rare. And I don’t me we think these things… we have to BE these things.

We can’t just think we’re awesome and a valuable possible boyfriend if we’re not. We can’t fake it, we must BE it.

Learning this changed my approach to women and dating.

I then learned to tease and flirt with women, but always from a place of abundance and endless opportunity. Meaning, every woman I met that I was super attracted to was a fine individual… but in my gut I knew that she was just one in thousands I could choose from. And if she really wanted to be with me she would have to be worthy.

And if she didn’t chase me a little I’d lose interest and move on as fast as possible. Not in a rude way of course, just in a “I think I need more so I’m moving on” sorta way. I’d back off, become distracted, and I’d move on.

THIS is EXACTLY what super models do, or women of high value. They KNOW their own value and they don’t waste their time being chased by dudes because needy desperate dudes are a dine a dozen. Dudes who are hard to get, who value themselves, those are the dudes super models chase.

And that needs to be YOU.

SOooooooooo…… what I’m saying is this….

The minute I get the sense that some girl isn’t interested in me, I lose interest and RUN the other way. Because I don’t have time for games or chasing someone. I just have better things to do. I have other more interesting women to pursue.

This girl you’re describing is not girlfriend material.

And if you don’t have someone else lined up to flirt with, then that’s just poor planning.

If you’re passively sitting on the sidelines waiting for women to come to you, then you’re fooling yourself. Even being super handsome isn’t enough. You MUST practice talking to women, being assertive and going after what you WANT.

Not chasing women, but being willing to approach them in order to meet them and open them in conversation.

Sometimes there are situations where a girl has placed us in the Friend Zone, and in that case we CAN learn to seduce our way out and into a romantic relationship. If this was you I’d tell you to check out my free video course explaining exactly how to seduce her from a friend into a lover.

But in this case you already tried the romance and it didn’t go anywhere. And that’s okay! Just leave it at that, like a man, and move on to the next thing. Learn, grow, and let go.

Seeing a hot blonde at the coffee shop is the PERFECT way to practice this… by going over, making small talk, making jokes, asking her what she’s eating, asking her about herself, and finding out if she’s as fun as you hope.

And if she’s single saying, “I enjoyed meeting you today! Hey, join me for a proper coffee, I’d like to get to know you a little more… you know, find out if you’re as intersting as you seem to be! How about tomorrow night after dinner, I know a real cool place downtown we can meet.”

It doesn’t even matter if she says yes or no, it’s about learning the social skills.

What I’m saying is “it doesn’t matter if theres any attraction” still possible with this girl. She’s clearly moved on, so you should as well.

Don’t waste time trying to recover. You’re not a homeless man begging for change, so stop acting like it. Chasing a lost cause is embarrassing and pathetic and shows signs of insecurity and lack of confidence. And that’s not you.

Instead remind yourself of your value, that there’s a billion other single women worth meeting, and that your time is valuable. Don’t waste it any more chasing dreams. Find some “sure things” who chase you, and nurture those relationships.

You deserve to see how it feels to be worshiped and adored. But you have to build your relationships that way… where they chase you and where you reward that good behaviour with your love and attention.

I hope this makes sense and that it helps!

~ Robby

 

Am I way off base? Add your thoughts in the comments below!