QUESTION:

I’m rather confused. There’s this girl that I’ve started to like recently. She’s the younger sister of one of my friends and extremely pretty.

I like where this is going…

There’s been a few times recently where I was hanging with my friend and she ended up coming along.

She’s a couple years younger than me and rather shy. When she’s around people she doesn’t know she’s very quiet. When it’s just the two of us and my friend though, she’ll talk to me.

So far so good!

I tend to tease her a lot when she’s around, typically using a lot of banter and always trying to find her a bf etc.

It’s kinda amazing how well women will respond to that game of “Hey, how about that guy over there… he looks like he’s your type!” … hopefully she laughs when you’re pointing to the old homeless man.

I think the reason this can work so well is because you’re sub-communicating, “Hey, I’m not so insecure that I’m jealous of you with any other guy because I’m not that into you yet. But I like you enough to be playful and fun.”

The key here is to be playful, allowing her to get the sense that you really think she’s a catch BUT that you’re willing to throw her back is she doesn’t bite.

She usually responds by coming over and hitting my arm a few times. I keep her laughing.

Perfect. If she’s having fun then you’re likely building attraction.

I also have crossed the touch barrier, I sometimes tickle her and we’ll play fight and things like that.

Good, because Talk Is Cheaps But Touch Is For Keeps. (I was trying to rhyme.)

Sometimes she initiates it.

The touch? Good. This is a strong indicator that she’s into you. The more she touches you the more likely she wants to marry you (or date you.) 😉

She never says anything nice to me though, sometimes she’s downright rude. She’ll go out of her way to say something negative, or she’ll throw a shoe at me and things like that.

Hmmm, that’s interesting. Her previous behavior indicates she’s into you. But this behavior indicates she wants you to stop teasing her. Plus the extra antaganizing is a form of pre-emptive rejection. It’s like her saying, “Hey! I know I can’t get you, so stop teasing me!”

It’s her insecure way of saying she likes you but that you’ve made it clear she can never get you.

This basically means you need to calibrate better.

You need WAY less teasing and WAY more rapport, connection, and comfort.

Being playful and fun will turn her on, but if you haven’t spent any time with her being “REAL” then she’s not conencting with you. You can’t keep her if you can’t connect.

Also, with SHY girls you need to definately tone down your “cocky funny” approach because it will push her insecurities more than it would a woman who’s highly socially calibrated and who’s not bothered by all of your banter.

Some Girls Are Shy And Vulnerable
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Shy girls tend to be more vulnerable to teasing and playing ... so take it easy.

So the key to turning things around with her would be to spend less time being goofy and more time being serious.

Also, how much time are you spending playing around with her? Too much. You need to show her that you can be more serious, and that you’re not just a player tyring toget laid.. you need to find a way to sooth any insecurities she might have about you and let her know that you like her… so less attraction, more rapport.

Basically you need to be more openned up with her.

Share an intimate story about your past. Be vulnerable. Let her see that you’re just a normal decent dude who’s willing to be open and sincere with the right girl, and that you think she might be worth spending more time with.

And stop sharing your time with her and your buddy… it’s time to ISOLATE.

Set up a date. But don’t call it a date. Just say something like, “Hey Susan, I’m thinking about grabbing some burgers at that new place downtown, join me Wednesday night? It’s on me and I’m driving! I need someone to share my week of complaints with, and you’re my favorite!”

Basically stop bashing her with your “hammer of attraction” (teasing) and start being more soft and approachable. Shy girls need guys who slow down, take their time, and are willing to stop teasing when she needs to relax.

Also, she hardly ever will look me in the eyes, Sometimes though I’ll catch her watching me when I’m not looking. She always immediately looks away.

See, she likes you.

I’m not sure what to make of it. I think she likes me but I’m not sure. What do you think?

It’s a no brainer, she’s into you. But if she thinks you’re “too good for her” then she might be already pushing you away. Take a step back, be more serious around her, give her an honest and sincere compliment once in a while, and start communicating that you’re into her. The more insecure she is, or the more shy she is, the more tenderness you need to give her.

By the way, the last girl who would torment me endlessly, who I eventually started dating, turned in to my stalker… so be careful. 😐

Thank you so much for your newsletter, I’ve learned so much since I started reading it.

~ A.M. Ocala, Fl

Awesome, let me know how it goes!

~ Robby

 

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