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QUESTION:

I think it’s happened to most of us who have experienced dating… so what’s the main difference between being “desperate” for a relationship or simply wanting a relationship? What are the signs? It seems as if, everybody jumps as fast as they can on the conclusion that nowadays everybody is desperate when they might just be trying to get to know someone. You get shut down before having even thought of trying.

 

ANSWER:

It’s really the difference between desperation and desire… scarcity vs abundance… taking vs giving.

 

Needy Guy

Guys who are “desperate” for a girlfriend tend to have a scarcity mentality: they think or feel that they are lacking something (approval, love, attention, affection, etc) and they mistakenly think that a girlfriend/relationship will provide what they’re lacking.

They make the GIRL the goal.

This is a tragic mistake because this freaks women out. Women don’t want to be your crutch or your destination.

These guys think they need to get a girl, and girls avoid him like he’s a needy beggar asking for change.

Signs you’re desperate:

  • You call or text her way more often than she does
  • You get upset if she doesn’t respond to you instantly
  • You worry that she’s meeting other men
  • You try to control her in any way
  • You are always trying to get girls to like you, either with gifts or compliments or simply by being super nice
  • You sit around obsessing about girls
  • You’ll keep dating a girl even if she treats you poorly
  • You spent time wishing more people liked you (parents, friends, girls, etc)

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Secure Happy Guy

Then there are guys who have an abundance mentality… they already such an abundance of love, self esteem, friends, inner affection, and self approval that they don’t need it from someone/somewhere else.

Instead of seeking love and approval they GIVE it.

So when a guy with abundance desires a girlfriend, it’s not to GET something from her, it’s to GIVE to her. He doesn’t make a girlfriend his destination – instead he wants to share his journey WITH his girlfriend to what ever destination he already had. That’s one reason women love men who have life passions.

Women don’t want to be used as a crutch, they don’t want to be used as a bridge to help you feel more secure or happy. Nobody does really.

Signs you’re secure and happy:

  • You spend most of your time enjoying life and thinking about your career, friends, or passions
  • Everyone seems to call and text you more than you text them, and you don’t seem to notice
  • People seem to love being around you, but you don’t tend to notice
  • Others seem desperate for your approval
  • You enjoy meeting beautiful women, even when they’re not interested in a romantic relationship with you
  • You like helping others

Most guys with a scarcity mentality don’t take the time to heal their inner/past traumas and mistakenly think the approval of someone else will heal them, instead taking responsibility for themselves.

So if you’re needy or desperate then I suggest you need to do some inner game work, spend some good quality time alone with yourself, and develop a new positive relationship with YOURSELF that’s happy, secure, honest, and sincere. It’s the guys who really love themselves that know how to give that same love to women… and women can FEEL this positive energy.

I hope this helps,

Hope this helps,
~ Robby

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