QUESTION

I was talking to one of my friends on Facebook publicly, I was not hiding anything and it was about an inside joke from high school that they all used to give me crap.

My boyfriend read it and automatically got mad and was saying, “I’m not good enough for you and I never was from the start,” but I truly love and care for him.

He kept telling me that I messed up by talking to another man on Facebook publicly, so he says, “You just wait… tonight I’m going to mess up and we’ll see how YOU feel!”

So at 2 am that night he calls and asks if he could come get me from another town because, of course, I left to stay at my parents house for the weekend. And we talked and he said he wants to be with me but doesn’t want to feel betrayed like that again.

I asked him what he did that night and he said he did nothing at all but hung out with his friends and thought about our relationship!

Should I believe him or could he have done something so bad that he won’t even tell me now?

ANSWER

We teach others how to treat us.

If it’s “okay” with you that he’s so immature as to throw temper tantrums (driven by his insecurities of losing you) then you’re teaching him that it’s okay to stomp his feet and whine like a baby in order to get what he wants.

Being “okay” with him being a little shit will only encourage that negative behavior… and it IS negative behavior.

It’s okay if he’s insecure and feeling vulnerable. It’s NOT okay for him to rage at you because you have other friends. It’s NOT okay for him to warn you how he’s going to really screw it all up tonight… like he’s threatening to cheat or something.

Worst case scenario you’ll marry him and you’ll spend all your time tip toeing around his feelings and insecurities… and feeling like shit the whole time.

Best case scenario you find another guy who’s got his shit together, loves that you have friends, and treats you with respect and passion.

Take a step out of your situation and try to see things from someone else’s point of view. This EXTREME response he had is a HUGE RED FLAG.

Don’t ignore this. Deal with it asap.

Why is my boyfriend so jealous and controlling
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We teach others how to treat us.

In my opinion you should either sit him down and have a serious talk about how it’s not okay for him to have a temper tantrum regarding your friendships with other guys.

You might want to explain to him that you can chat with whom ever you want to, when ever you want to. And that you will NOT let him try to hold your relationship hostage in order to appease his insecurities. Instead you might expect him to be honest with you about how he feels so that you can chat it out. This doesn’t mean he’ll change but it’ll give him a chance to explain where ever he’s insecure about. This way you can both agree upon relationship boundaries… together. Not under threat.

Then, if that didn’t go well I’d kick him out the door… hehehe.

All I’m saying is that you’re not doing anything wrong and shouldn’t be made to feel uneasy just because your boyfriend is a baby.

You deserve to feel completely comfortable doing and saying what ever you want when you’re with your partner… not the opposite!

~ Robby

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