This guy wrote me a sincere email asking me how he should handle the upsetting breakup he’s having, but my advice surprised him…
Hi, I’m not a native speaker so forgive me if I make any mistakes
Here’s my story:
Me and my ex where in a relationship for 5 months, we where crazy for each other and all was going very good.
She has a busy life with school and still lives with her parents. We only spend the weekends together. Even though her parents live together, they are always fighting and don’t really love each other. Her mother has been ill a few years ago but recovered from cancer. She’s still not in a state to work or anything though. She also gets blackouts from time to time and has high blood pressure.
This and the busyness at school is very stressing for her. Anyways everything was okay until about a month before we broke up. I got kicked out of school and became a bit depressed about it.
And I became clingy with her because of it.
Try not to “blame” external factors, like her actions, for your poor behaviors or your insecure actions. Take responsibility. Instead try saying, “I became clingy because I was scared to lose her.”
To the point where I started liking everything she liked etc. She got smothered by this and needed space.
Ha, dude, bad move. I’m glad you can see that. ;) This makes you come across as fake. That’s no good.
She asked me for space 7 weeks ago, she told me she loved me, and that it was because of her stress at home / school.
I hope you can see what she’s saying here… she’s already stressed about her life and the last thing she wants is to take care of a boyfriend who’s insecure and needy. What she needed was someone to lean on, not someone to take care of.
And she wanted this for our future. I messed up, I contacted her everyday that week to ask if she wanted to meet up to talk. I panicked basically. She couldn’t handle it and broke up with me a week after (6 weeks ago). Telling me she wants to stay friends. And a few days after I called her and she told me she doesn’t love me anymore.
Love is just a word. She’s basically trying to make you understand how much she was hating your behavior.
Up until last week, I had moodswings, sending her angry messages and apologizing again.
Last week She told me she didn’t love me because I got clingy and stuff… and I wasn’t a man of my word anymore because I promised her space but hadn’t done that so far. I also said that I don’t think I can be friends… she got angry at first and later she said: “you might think you won’t get over me, but you will. Please think about it a bit longer before you decide to cut me out of your life”. So I asked her to give us another chance after a while. She refused, saying I just don’t love you anymore and I don’t want to say that I might give it a chance in a while because I don’t want you to expect anything.
I think you see where she’s coming from. If you were her older brother watching her interact with some other dude who was acting like you were you’d likely tell her to avoid that guy… he’s unstable and lacks composure.
When she confirmed my feelings about why she broke up, I was relieved with finally knowing why. I’m moving on now and am happy again. I’m almost back to being the guy she was crazy about.
But I still want her back.
To be there for her, and make her happy.
I just really love her. So I’m not looking for advise to get over her.
Of course you’re not. You’re like an alcoholic who’s asking how to get something to drink without thinking it’s a problem…
I’m looking for advise to let her fall in love with me again once I’m really happy again and have my life back on track.
BACK TO THE GIRL…
I’m not sure how I can show her I’m happy and am date-able again. Without words, and also show her I’m still interested so she isn’t afraid to talk to me about the relationship again.
I’d appreciate your advise
How can she see you’re dateable again until she’s seen you BE dateable. Date someone else. And be open and honest with them. Don’t fake it. Until you’re BEING a new healthy guy she’ll never trust being with you again.
So take some time away from her and enjoy it. Learn that she’s a great woman who deserves to be happy and deserves to be with someone she WANTS to be with. Perhaps that’ll be you someday, or perhaps not.
It’s same with you.. you DESERVE to be happy and with someone who WANTS to be with you too.
So spend time alone healing yourself, then get out there and meet more women! She’ll SEE the different you once you’re actually different.
Today’s Top Thumbnail is from this awesome photographer.