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Question:

I’ve never done one night stands and I was raised to be a gentleman I guess. But a month ago my girlfriend and I broke up.

I felt very sad and my friends told me that the best way to get over her is to have sex with some other girl.

So I did.

I went on a date with this girl. I had no intentions in dating her, I was just looking for sex.

I guess she didn’t know that.

So after a date I went to her place and had sex. she said she had a great time and she texted me the next day but I never replied.

I feel so guilty now.

I feel like I gave up on my beliefs and just did what society (my friends) told me to do.

What are you thoughts on this topic?

 

Answer:

There’s a world of difference between tricking a girl in order to get something from her (sex) and briefly connecting with another person in order to share intimacy and pleasure.

Don’t waste your time trying judge the act of sex as good or bad, even if it’s for one night. That’s silly and comes from a place of fear.

Instead realize there are only two things that matter… your intent and your partner’s intent.

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Don't lie to yourself, there are plenty of women who want just sex.

If you lied or purposely tricked a girl, then THAT’S why you feel guilty. Guilt is our inner mechanism for recognizing that you’ve broken some inner rule. And as an adult it’s your job to determine if the rule was legit or not. Too many of us grow up with the rules of our parents or our church without ever making our own morals.

It sounds like you’re trying to blame the one night stand for your guilt, when the reality is that you feel bad for “lying” … and in this case lying by omission. You neglected to inform her that you weren’t seeking more than just sex even though you realized she was.

You know what won’t leave you feeling guilty or bad?

Honesty, sincerity, openness and decisions made with empathy. When you put yourself in your partner’s shoes you’ll always make decisions that help instead of hurt.

I’ve had one nights stands and I’ve walked away feeling great.

Why?

Because I’m a pig?

I hope not. 😉

Because I took the time to assure that we were BOTH on the same page… the “I trust you and I realize this might not go anywhere… now let’s get naked” page.

It all comes down to how you communicate and how honest you are.

Don’t judge one-night-stands as “bad”… judge deceptive behavior as “bad.”

~ Robby