.

QUESTION:

Its been now 2 weeks since my girlfriend broke up with me. It sucks really bad but let me give you the full story.

(Me:) Sorry to hear that! Break-ups suck.

 

I met her about 2 and a half years ago now. She was dating someone else.

It happens. Most quality women have men in their lives… it’s to be expected.

 

I knew she was into me and I was into her. She promised me she was going to break up with her current boyfriend for me.

Crap…

  • https://www.facebook.com/FullOfHateAndReadyToDate
  • https://twitter.com/robertbelland
  • LinkedInhttps://www.linkedin.com/in/bobair/

If she already has a boyfriend then you’re wasting your time!

 

I believed her and continued to try and talk to her everyday.

Just a word of advice… it doesn’t matter what she “says,” it only matters what she DOES.

 

After about a month went on I found out she never broke up with him. After that we stopped talking for awhile.

I hope so. It’s nice to meet a girl, and it sucks when she’s taken… but it’s mistake to continue the romance when she’s STILL with the other guy. Why? Because every time she’s kissing you it’s possible she just finished kissing him. On his penis. Yes, now YOU’RE kissing his penis. Nice right!?

 

During this time there would be once and awhile where she would text me and we would talk for a bit but nothing serious.

Hopefully you initiated the space after you discovered she wasn’t leaving him? Because you’d be a sucker if you waited around hoping she would eventually “change her mind” to be with you.

 

Until one day she just came back into my life. She wanted to hang and said she missed how sweet I was to her.

Of course she did. You gave her the gift of “missing you.” When a woman can get attention from two guys, why wouldn’t she seek it? Any girl is going to appreciate extra attention from a nice guy, this isn’t surprising. But how you handle yourself from this point will dictate EVERYTHING!

If you come running to a girl who has already proven she’ll choice another dude over you then you’re just going to look like a pathetic lap dog.

The best move is to move onto another girl who’s not making you wait or beg or compete with some other dude.

 

We started hanging out and becuase she said “she missed how sweet I was.”

Of shit. Really? Once compliment and you’re suddenly her best friend again? I realize you like this girl, but you would probably love cocaine too… but sometimes what you WANT and what you NEED should be decided by your big boy brain, not your childish emotional expectations. Do what’s right for YOU. Know what’s going to hurt you in the long run by ignoring the short term excitement it might bring you.

This girl is like junk food that will make you feel like crap and will make your life misserable in the long term.

 

It was then my goal to be as sweet as I could. She would come over and watch movies with me (I spent a week looking for a good love movie for us to watch) and I would cook dinner. Or I would take her out to fancy resturants.

I can’t be mad at you. You’re doing all the things you think will make her more attracted to you. Being NICE because she said she liked that about you. Surprising her with meals, etc.

But you’re wrong.

Attraction isn’t about what a woman “likes” or “prefers.” Mom might have taught you that but it’s completely wrong. Giving a girl what she “likes” will make her “like you.” Friends “like” each other. Mom’s “like” it when they get flowers.

Making a girl “like” you doesn’t make her want to be with you romantically, sexually, or in exchange for her current idiot boyfriend.

If you want o hook a woman you need to impact her emotions. Attraction is about emotions.

If you want a hollywood movie to make money you don’t write a predictable story line with nice people and predictable plot points. That’s boring and nice.

Instead you need to surprise people. You have to take chances. You have to be willing to have enough personality and points of view that some people will HATE your movie and some people will LOVE your movie.

Attraction is about tension, and surprise, and emotions!

It doesn’t matter if she likes you. You need her to WANT you. Emotionally. You need her to be thinking about you ALL THE TIME. She needs to wonder what you’re doing, what you’re thinking, where you are, if you’re with another girl, etc.

And you can’t get into her head if you’re being “nice.” Being nice will allow her to feel comfortable, which is important for building rapport and intimacy. But it will kill attraction.

 

  • https://www.facebook.com/FullOfHateAndReadyToDate
  • https://twitter.com/robertbelland
  • LinkedInhttps://www.linkedin.com/in/bobair/

 

Well after a month things started going down hill.

Of course it did. She got some attention and free meals, but that’s boring. She already has a boyfriend who can give her those things. She didn’t want another boyfriend… she wanted an adventure with someone exciting, or different, or surprising and fun! She didn’t WANT nice, she wanted ATTRACTIVE.

 

She wasnt texting me first, I was doing all the texting. I would let her be for work and i always told her to have a good night at work.

Dude, as a basic rule NEVER do all the texting. That makes you seem desperate and needy. Like a puppy dog. Don’t be her puppy dog. Be a man who had better things to do than chase a woman who’s not really showing any interest.

 

One weekend we didnt get to see each other cause she had to go to camp.

That’s actually a good thing… time away makes the heart grow fonder. The key, as a dude, is to allow yourself to miss her without showing it (no texting, no emotional late night phone calls, etc.)

 

Well the next Wednesday Ii wanted to see her so bad that I went and got ice cream for her and took it to her house. While i was there her sister was telling me that she just asked out a guy named Justin, but she assured me this was not ture as she gave me a hug and a kiss on my way out.

Oh burns!

 

When we went out next she wasnt very talkative and was not really looking at me. Same with the next date as well. About 2 days later she lost her job, and broke up with me. She said she needed a break.

It’s for the best dude.

 

Well I was on facebook a week later and had seen that she is not going out with that Justin guy and she removed me from facebook.

This is likely because you weren’t getting the picture. Did you continue to text her, or apologize, or anything else creepy or needy?

 

I was very upset, but then the next day I calmed down and decided I would be the mature one.

Good, this sounds like the right direction!

 

I sent her a text message saying “I just wanted to say im sorry. I know i did something wrong in our relationship but I did learn a lot. I can see you have a new bf, congrads. I hope everything works out for you two. I hope we can still be friends because I would rather have you in my life as a friend than nothing at all”

Zzzzzzz.. Don’t feel bad, we’ve all made this same mistake. The mistake is thinking that there’s anything you can ever say that will make you feel better or that will make think she’s made a mistake. It’s lame. It’s driven by your need to have contact with her and she knows it. It never works so don’t ever do this again.

Seriously.

Next time don’t text, or email, or facebook, or anything. When a girl breaks up with you it’s YOUR JOB to disappear. You can be upset, or what ever, but the only move you can make that helps you get your power back is to NOT communicate with her. It’s the only chance you have of moving on without looking like a dork. She might feel the need to email you, which is fine, but don’t ruin a good breakup with a followup email or text message. It’s going to be lame no matter how awesome your writing skills.

 

She never did reply back to me 🙁

See? It’s not worth it. It makes her feel better because she’ll know she always had the power in that relationship because you were always seeking her approval and attention. Instead you needed to give her enough space to want YOUR approval and attention.

 

The sad part is I feel bad because I feel there is something that I should be able to do to at least be friends with her. When in reality there is nothing I can do. I know my confidence isn’t at its highest and I’m working on it. I really am. I am also seeing a phyc trying to get my life back in order.

See? You’re smarter and wiser than you think! You’re doing what most guys aren’t doing… you’re taking responsibility for your life. You’re seeking answers from people who might know more than you. You’re acknowledging you are unsure about things. These are mature and manly admissions and applaud your efforts.

Ask yourself this… why do you need her approval? Why do you need her to be your friend? Are you such a loser that each friend you have is the most important friend you’ll ever have?

Or is it possible that you’re just a great guy who was wasting his time chasing a girl who wasn’t ever really interested? Are you just a great guy who’s learning that everything you have to offer is important and special and shouldn’t be wasted on just any girl who shows you some attention, or who looks good in a skirt? Is it possible that you’re an awesome guy who’s got a big heart, who’s honest and sincere, and who simply needs to learn a few minor things about girls?

Don’t waste your attention on someone who doesn’t deserve it, that’s all I’m saying. “Pay” attention to the special women you meet who REALLY deserve it. And appreciate yourself a little more. For some reason we’re taught to not applaud ourselves enough. Be happy with yourself and what you’ve accomplished, and learn from the minor mistakes that mislead you this one time.

 

I plan on getting your book as well.

Do it! 🙂

Here.

 

People keep telling me to forget her becuase she has no integrity and is just a bitch.

Your friends just care about you and they hate seeing you hurt or disappointed. But there is no personal power in calling girls names. Can you really be mad at her just because she wasn’t into you? Instead just appreciate that she’s got her own life to worry about and is just making the best choices she knows how, even if they are the wrong choices.

Instead be happy you dodged a bullet and try focusing on more positive things… like school and career! The world is FILLED with millions of women worth getting to know… this last girl was just another girl who was a dating stepping stone towards the perfect girl.

 

I just cant seem to forget her, and I don’t know what to do.

You have a moneky mind. It’s like a monkey in a cage. You can’t FORCE it to sit still and relax. So stop beating yourself just because she’s still on your mind. You just need a little patience with yourself while your brain and body release the last of your built up disappointment and tension.

Instead of controlling your monkey mind you should try to appreciate it and keep it busy with healthy distractions. Hanging out with friends. Playing video games. Playing basketball. Hitting the gym. And enjoying the tension and nervousness that comes from flirting with hot waitresses in resturants. A favorite past time I used to really enjoy.

There’s nothing as good at helping you forget a lost love as meeting someone new worth getting to know.

 

  • https://www.facebook.com/FullOfHateAndReadyToDate
  • https://twitter.com/robertbelland
  • LinkedInhttps://www.linkedin.com/in/bobair/
Summer Love should be about chasing girls, not fretting about the one that got away!

 

I would greatly appreciate your help! Thank you for taking the time to read this!

~ Jake

I don’t know if I made you feel any better, but I hope so. Seriously though… girls should be FUN, no serious. Dating should be an adventure that sometimes surprises you. If you always got the girl then you wouldn’t appreciate the woman you eventually marry. These little side-adventures are meant to be fun life lessons. Don’t let them because stumbling blocks that make you jaded and angry. Stay social and happy with your friends and she’ll be a soon forgotten memory.

~ Robby

 

Today’s Top Thumbnail is from this amazing photographer.