Rob you said it right. I agree with you on the man taking his time if she is showing a little resistance. I went out with a guy that I really really liked but did not feel safe or secure yet to get intimate with. He was very pushy and it seemed he had very little patience to wait it out. We had been dating for about three weeks at most. At one point he picked me up and took me to his room which I think was a bit too much; mostly because I didn't know if his intentions were pure.

What I mean by that is was he just looking to get laid? I stopped him that night and went home. I was feeling major anxiety to have the I am not that kinda girl conversation and he freaked out. He said that he couldn't believe we were even having this talk because it was much too early for that. What? Much to early to talk about anything so heavy? But on the other hand sleeping together was not!

As much as I liked the guy my morals and the fact that the guy couldn't handle my emotions or be my touch stone as Robby mentions, I knew it was done. He was a little too concerned about what he wanted and that was a huge red flag for me.

In the end I met someone that took his time, a gentleman, listened, was un-affected by my emotions (if they snuck out), patient, and took little steps…like hold my hand. It was me that wanted to ravish him because his intentions were clear. He made sure that I was always comfortable and his concern for me and not his needs won me over. Rob you are a master on this subject and I wish you much success;) Good luck Dan!

cc

It's pretty hard to work against someone's inner belief system, like religion.

Often there are religious beliefs that make men and women ashamed of their sexuality, or ashamed of any sexual activity… like being sexual is some how wrong (trust me, it's not.) We even have huge social stigmas and judgemental words for women – sluts, whores, easy, etc. It's hard to rewire that in a girls head who doesn't WANT to change.

Sooooo… if your goal is to have a girlfriend, or to get laid, then I would suggest finding a girl who's much more open to being with you – intimately. Otherwise you'll be fighting a losing battle.

But if you simply want to be with her, even if it takes months of getting to know her, then take your time and be persistant.

Flirt with her, tease her playfully, and spend time with her alone. This will allow her time to grow more fond of you while proving to her you're patient and trust worthy. It's a slow road, but some girls are worth the wait.

Just be sure to pay attention to the REAL her when you're with her… because some belief systems can be so different from yours that you'll never find a common ground, and will therefore never truly connect.

I always say this… choose your perfect woman with your head, because you can't trust your heart. Once your head says she's worth it and safe THEN it's okay to open your heart to her.

Because our emotions will have us chasing every hot piece of ass from here to Haiti.

Remember… it's not about what's best for her, it's about what's best for YOU. She is responsible for what's best for her… that's not your responsibility.

~ Robby

Hey dude, that's a great question!

I guess there can be two versions of a "girl freaking out."

Version 1) She's yelling or screaming because of some crisis… like she lost her purse, or she's scared she's going to fail an exam. This is her being emotionally expressive and erratic.

Version 2) She's yelling AT you in a disrespectful way. Either because she enjoys fighting or arguing, or because she's emotionally unstable.

Version 1 is the version I was referring to in my above blog post. The reason you need to stay calm is because your calm will bring HER calm. As a man you need to ALWAYS maintain composure. The greatest sign of maturity is composure in the face of adversity. So when she see's your composed even in the midst of some trauma (like a car accident for example) she'll learn to rely upon YOU for guidance, direction, and safety. Plus you'll feel your own confidence and pride growing the more you practice composure.

Version 2 is very different. You can't just ignore her if she's being disruptive and rude in your face… like a bratty spoiled child who's learned that they can get what they want if they create enough of a fuss. You can't ignore this behavior, so you MUST address it. But not with conflict, because conflict is what she's seeking. When a woman (or anyone) creates disruption through anger or disrespect they're seeking attention.

Bad behaviors (like angry fits, or negative attention seeking) need to be punished, while good behaviors (lovingness, sharing, etc) should be rewarded with love and attention.

Here's what you're doing wrong…

You're rewarding her bad behavior. This only encourages her bad behavior.

You've already said "she's difficult and a lot of work" and that she's a struggle. And how do you reward her? By giving her more attention. This tells her that what she's doing is working.

Have you ever heard the saying, "We teach others how to treat us?" Well now you have.

You've taught her that she can be difficult and that it's okay with you.

There's a part of you that's decided that you're not worthy of someone who might treat you better, and so you've settled on this girl. And you probably take on her difficulties with pride because you've convinced yourself that you're being loving when nobody else would be, and that she's lucky to have you. And even if it's true, you've missed an important truth…. you're NOT responsible for anyone else's happiness. Only when you're a parent of a baby are you truly responsible for someone else.

Each of us are responsible for OURSELVES: our own feelings and our own reactions to the world around us. You are NOT responsible for how your girlfriend feels. EVER. You are only responsible for how you act, behave, think and feel. And she's responsible for her own thoughts, feelings, and reactions.

What do I think you should do?

a) You should allow yourself to have enough self-respect that you're no longer willing to let someone else treat you poorly.
b) You should realize that you're not responsible for making anyone else happy, especially any immature girls you're dating.
c) You should learn how to handle someone who IS being belligerent towards you. And the best way? Is to walk away from them.

It's our ego's that get hurt when someone disrespects us, but I've learned that the ego can't be trusted. So when it's hurt it's reactions aren't valid. This means that you shouldn't take anything personally that someone else says about you, or to you. Because nothing anyone else does is about you… it's always about them. Always. Every time.

It's your ego that wants you to stand and "defend" yourself, but this is immature. You don't need to defend yourself because deep down you already know who you are and what you're capable of. It's not for someone else to define. Therefore anything someone else says about you (good or bad) doesn't matter. Therefore there's never a need to defend yourself.

But that also means there are better things for you to put your time and energy into, so standing around allowing your girlfriend to berate you is a poor use of your time.

Instead you might try laughing (at her miserable attempt at insulting you) and leave the situation. Walk away. It's the most powerful thing you can do. This tells her that you have no time to argue with her because it's beneath you, AND it tells her that she can't win if you're not there.

Then, when she's normal again, you can re-engage her. Have fun and enjoy dating.

But if the relationship is built upon arguing and fighting, then what the hell kind of relationship is that?

I'm divorced and I can tell you that it's the best thing that ever happened to me. I grew up fast and now my beautiful girlfriend is the perfect woman – she is always happy and laughing and makes my life amazing! And all because I was willing to walk away from someone who wasn't bringing to the table what I wanted, and didn't appreciate what I was bringing to the table. Instead I became more selective, and now I couldn't be happier.

I hope you do the same.

~ Robby

Awesome, thanks Teresa!!

Hopefully I didn't imply that it's "worth it" to continue to pursue broken women, because it's not. And I know plenty of guys who unconsciously think it's "their duty" (think Knight In Shining Armor) to save these women… because it's not.

Every post here has been enlightening! I mean honestly, congratulations everybody because it has been an incredible comfort to read all of your fantastic perspectives.

Considering everything i've read, I can't seem to place the young lady i'm committed to. I love her, so naturally i'm protective and insistent on providing the tools or shedding light on the path toward happiness, success, and love. I very much understand that these are things we as individuals choose and define for ourselves.

My question is both infinitely simple and infinitely difficult. How do I know i'm doing the right thing being her stone? Meaning, as much as she communicates that she needs my love and efforts, I feel like i'm dragging her kicking and screaming.

I am a strong and secure man and understand what I require emotionally. I do see and feel the potential in her. My instinct tells me to continue fearlessly and provide the love without end. However, the rest of the world demands my attention and focus and continually reminds me that there may be other options better suited for my dedication.

Where do I draw the line? How will I know I made the right decision and not guilt over thinking I could have done more? I mean, if we the ability to help others, why would we choose not to?

Help everyone! :/