As a man who really wants to “get the girl” you need to accept something… women can read your mind from across the room. All she needs to do is read your body language.
She can size you up faster then you can smell a left-cheek-sneak! As a matter of fact many women will notice you and read your body language when you enter a room, long before you’ve even realized they were there. For many women this internal process of sizing up all men becomes routine, automatic, and seemingly unconscious.
I was having drinks on the wood at a local lounge with a beautiful red head when she stopped our conversation mid sentence, and without breaking eye contact with me she said “Oh man, there s a creeper that won’t stop looking at me.. at your 3 o’clock.” She sighed with frustration.
I was absolutely confused. First I was trying to figure out what 3 o’clock was, then I was trying to figure out which guy she was talking about. The room was filled with busy tables and loud music. Without being too obviously I searched the room to see if I could identify which dude she was referring to.
“He’s in the black leather jacket and baseball cap. He’s with a buddy and he won’t stop staring… it s so annoying.”
And sure enough, once I found him I was able to notice him for the rest of the evening while he continued to look over at us.
“He’s probably just impressed with my new beard,” I replied.
I learned to have a little more environment awareness that day, and I’ve since noticed that this situation is very typical. I have been continuously surprised at how well a woman can sit in conversation with me and still be totally aware of which dudes in the room are of higher value than the rest.
Did you know women have many types of radar? For example:
– Creeper Radar
– Slimy Dude Radar
– Rich Dude Radar
– Angry Guy Radar
– Gay Dude Radar (Gay-Dar)
– Lesbian Radar
– Super Hot Stud Lover Radar (DeAngelo referred to as a ‘Sexual Threat’ )
As I’ll explain in the next Part (Part 5 – She’s Vulnerable?) women have an intense desire to “stay safe” thanks to a few perverts which have made women cautious of ALL men. But there are side effects to having such a skill. For one she’s forced to be cautious around men she doesn’t yet know. And it makes her super sensitive to the sub-communication that you’re unconsciously communicating.
It’s believed that about 90% of what we communicate about ourselves to the world is completely non-verbal. That only leaves about 10% of what you communicate as actual words. This is why Pickup Lines don’t really work.
Here’s the secret to picking up women: It s not WHAT you SAY, it s WHAT you COMMUNICATE.
It’s not the words that are coming out of your mouth that she’s paying attention to, it’s what your entire presence is communicating, even before you start talking with her.
This signal transmits to and from all of those around you. How do you think animals know who that Alpha Male is? Most animals don’t have any real kind of verbal communication, so they transfer meaning through their actions and through their intent. This primitive communication is still wired into our brains through our genetics. It’s called the Triune Brain.
Animals have an intuitive radar system that helps them decide their pecking order in the group with which they live. For them it’s mostly about status. Who’s got the most status, and who doesn’t. This status dictates the social structure within which they live. It dictates who get’s the most resources, and who must give up their resources. Who get’s to have sex, and who doesn’t. It makes sense that prehistoric man also evolved this unspoken form of communication, and has since entwined it deep within his unconscious mind. Stupid Zombie.
Here’s an example of how this Radar System works: imagine you’re generally a nervous guy. Your subconscious radar would be constantly emitting I’m nervous, and full of doubt. Someone please acknowledge me so I can feel more comfortable with myself and the world around me. Please like me. Please approve of me. And even if you never said a word, your Radar would be continuing to send this signal over and over again.
Other people around you would pick up on this signal, especially if it was a woman. A woman’s radar is highly tuned and accurate. We call it her intuition, but we all have this ability.
Dogs can pick up on your “energy” as well because they’re also very intuned with this unconsious expression. Cesear Millan will often explain this process on his show.
A nervous guy isn’t really transferring magic chemicals through the air – he’s simply expressing himself through his body language, his vocal tone, the way he moves and acts and even breathes. Perhaps he stands awkwardly because he feels awkward. Perhaps he stutters when talking to a woman. Perhaps he has a shifty posture. All of these things are being transmitted to the people around him.
Men who have amazing confidence and self esteem also transmit this invisible communication to those around him. Except instead of freaking people out and making them nervous, their communication actually helps others relax and feel more comfortable. His body language, posture, movements, vocal tones, word choices, and overall identity communicate that he’s in control, of high status, and great importance. Not only do other men tend to admire this guy automatically, but women tend to swoon for him just as quickly and easily. And all of this might occur without him being physically attractive, rich, or of obvious fame.
Really what I’m saying is that there is a world of layers of invisible communication always happening between you and those you re interacting with.
This invisible communication isn t about the words coming out of your mouth, but in the feelings coming out of your intentions.
And women are incredibly empathic and tuned-in to this energy you’re expressing. If you’re being insincere and dishonest she’ll know. She’ll feel it.
Hiding your intentions simply doesn’t work.
For example; some guys are just out to get laid, and women know this, so he may think he needs to lie, and hide his real intentions. Perhaps he’ll try to act a certain way in an effort to coheres her into bed. This rarely works. She will either call him creepy, slimy, or she’ll avoid him all together.
Poker players do this same thing.
The best players try to hide their subtle tells or unconscious communications, because they don t want other players to know what cards they have in their hands. Dating is very similar to this. Except, dating isn’t like poker, so trying to hide your intentions is a mistake, while in poker it s an advantage.
Here are some of the outlets of sub-communication:
- Body language: The language of the body is all sub communication.
- Eye contact, or lack of.
- Verbal tone: The tone you use when talking speaks volumes.
- Keno: Your physical touch tells your partner many silent insights.
- Behavior Predictability: If you re usually loud and fun but now you re quiet then someone s radar might pick up your mood without you saying a thing.
- Word choices
Because women pay more attention to this communication they seem to be intuitive about what our intentions are. Woman are like Social Poker Players, except instead of reading our cards, they re reading our secret intentions. They will sometimes seem like mind readers.
What’s happening is that she s predicting your intentions based upon how you’re being. If you’re being creepy it s likely because you re communicating that you have “a secret”. Most likely you’re totally unsure of yourself, but she’ll read it as though you re just creepy.
Sometimes she’ll think you’re slimy because she s picked up that your intentions are purely sexual, and that you’re likely objectifying her.
The easiest way to sub-communicate that you re a healthy confident man, with no ill intentions is to remove your self doubt, remove the negative and obvious body language that you project, and truly have no agenda when meeting women.
Being fake, creepy, douchebaggy, and too serious will push women away.
Sincerity, honesty, and calm assertiveness will attract women to you.
P.S. You can read Part 5: She’s Vulnerable? here.
P.S.S. Did any of this make sense? Ask me questions in the comments below.