I explain the powers of acting differently in my book, so read it.
I recently came across this girl’s question – she wants to know how to get that one guy who’s ignoring her. Here’s what you should notice:
1) She considers herself to be pretty good looking and is often chased by guys.
2) She met a guy who doesn’t chase her and who isn’t all that interested. (He’s different.)
3) Even though her friends think she’s crazy she’s now wanting to know how to get him.
Q: I want a second date with a guy who has made it clear he doesn’t want to see me again.
What do I do? (Female – Age: 25-29)
We had an OK first date, he was very full on, but we spoke allot on the phone first for ten hours a night. I think he had a really good time, but is afraid to get involved with someone his intellectual inferior. I know we had chemistry, there were sparks all over the place. I don’t want to sound big headed, but I’m good looking and I have plenty of people ask me out, chase me and want to be with me. I haven’t ever had a guy who didn’t want to see me again, I’m nice decent person and people like spending time with me.
I have never felt like this before, I’m literally obsessed with him, everything about him I’m a hair away from full on stalker domain. I just know that if he let it, we could have something really amazing. My friends think I’ve literally lost it, he’s not classically good-looking, he’s was not polite to one of my friends, he was rude and pushy at times, I shouldn’t want him, think about him. they’ve never seen me like this before and they can’t help, they seem bemused by my behaviour, quite frankly so am I, but I can’t have been the only one in this predicament? I need help.
A: Here’s your problem… you’re letting your emotions dictate your decisions.
Here’s what’s happening…
You = Good Looking Girl who’s bored of the dudes putting you on pedestals (chasing and complimenting you) because it’s predictable and all the same.
This Dude = Doesn’t do what every other guy is doing, therefore he seems “different.”
So you take a moment to try to “figure out” why he’s acting different. Perhaps you ask yourself things like, “Why isn’t he all over me like most guys? Why isn’t he chasing me like most guys? Did my hair look bad that day? Was it something I said? I NEED to figure this out…” And so you’re confused with this puzzle, but also kinda excited to be challenged with something new to think about.
You spend time thinking about this guy simply because you’re trying to solve this puzzle.
Then you notice you’ve been thinking about this guy a lot. But what you forget is that you’re trying to solve this puzzle. Instead your brain says, “Wow, I must really like this guy if I’ve been thinking about him so much! He must be very different than all the other guys!”
Your ego says, “I’m an amazing girl, there’s NOW WAY he wouldn’t want me.. he just needs more time to get to know me.”
This is the part of yourself that NEEDS his approval. Why? Because you’ve gotten everyone else’s approval and so you’ve linked a NEED to always having it.
1) Don’t chase a guy who doesn’t want you. This will slowly erode your self esteem, your pride, and will ultimately amp up your neediness. This will push him away even more. Stalking doesn’t work.
2) Realize that you’re an amazing woman who DOESN’T need anyone’s approval to FEEL good about yourself. So stop chasing his approval.
3) Learn something about yourself from this before you make it a habit of chasing dudes who treat you negatively.
Good lucky shorty,
Q: Her response:
Thank you, for many reasons I agree with you and I can in no way dispute anything you say. Yet for some reason I have a feeling that I will not meet a better fit, which is crazy as I don’t know him, but I miss him.
When the date was over I was happy, relieved somewhat, and then almost immediately I missed him? I text him straight away, something silly, I never text I definitely don’t text men I have been on one date with I barely ever reply, I despise the medium.
A: I wish more guys would pay attention to what you’re saying…
it’s not about the “logic or reason” .. it’s about how you FEEL as a woman that tends to dictate your decisions.
Unfortunately your emotions are misguiding you. Just like my emotions misguided me into eating too much pizza and not enough veggies. Your mistake is assuming how good it will FEEL to be with him.
The truth is that you have no real reference to how he is long-term.
Save yourself and let him go.
Today’s above thumbnail photo is from This Photographer.