QUESTION:

Is it normal for a girl to cheat if she’s unhappy instead of just leaving?

Basically my ex had sex with some guy when she saw me talking with another girl. A friend of mine told me about it a week later so when I asked her about it her excuse was that I was having sex with the other girl so she had sex with another guy.

So basically it seems like she had sex with another guy based on an assumption and not a fact. It’s kind if fucked me up for a bit because she allowed me to be around this guy calling him “just a friend” but as soon as she got upset and vulnerable they fucked each other. I just don’t know how to feel about the girl I love anymore. The trust is gone.

ANSWER:

That sucks. And I’ve been there so I know.

A) There’s no normal or abnormal when it comes to relationships. Everyone grows up having different life experiences and traumas and parents… so each of us will handle the stress of relationship ups and downs differently. It sucks that she got upset and chased after some new dick to feel better… but that’s what happened, no need to waste time pondering if she’s normal or not.

B) It’s not your fault. Her bad choices have nothing to do with you, and everything to do with her. It doesn’t mean she’s a bad person, or broken, or what ever. She’s just a human doing what ever she thinks will help her to feel better. It’s an immature and hurtful decision, clearly, but don’t take it personally. This is about her.

C) Don’t waste time trying to judge her in order to make yourself feel better. That doesn’t work. Like I said, we can never really know what motivates people to make bad decisions. You’ll never REALLY know her reasons. And her reasons don’t even matter. All that matters is how you feel, and if you can get over it or not.

D) It’s perfectly okay to walk away from someone we no longer trust. The broken trust was her doing, not yourself. So you don’t have to worry about “all this energy invested” garbage… when the trust is gone it’s gone. It’s not good or bad. It just is. Although it’s likely upsetting and sad.

E) It’s perfectly OKAY to love someone that we also choose not to be with. This is what messes many of us up… we FEEL a certain way about someone and we think that our feelings should over ride our thoughts.

Feelings aren’t facts.

Haven’t you seen women stay in abusive relationships because they “love” their abuser? It’s nonsense.

Trust me on this. You would LOVE heroine too, but it’s not good for you. It FEELS amazing. And it’s terrible. (Not that I know, I’ve read some stuff.)

So accept your feelings, but don’t ignore the facts.

We can love people from a distance, it’s healthy and fine.

I hope this helps? Good luck!

~ Robby