Being horrified with your results can bring you success.
I was mortified with myself.
How could I have done it?
How could I have thought she d like that?
I hadn t been drinking, so that wasn t an ego-saving excuse.
I hadn t been tricked by my abusive older brothers in an attempt to embarrass me I don t even have brothers so they re not my scapegoat.
My cell phone wasn t being driven by any zombie-virus that would explain away the ridiculous text messages I had sent her after our first date.
So what compelled me to write something so creepy?
I can t recall the details of our text-message conversation, but I do recall that her messages were brief and generic while mine were long and specific. The last thing I wrote was something like, My cousin can make us dinner at his restaurant, and you ll completely fall in love with me.
Perhaps I thought I was being funny, or perhaps I thought I was being romantic. In either case I never heard from her again.
Even though this incident occurred over 6 years ago I can still feel the bite of embarrassment deep in my belly.
Sometimes thinking about past mistakes just makes me angry.
Sometimes it makes me want to hate those who inspired such wrong thinking.
I d like to blame Woody Allen for making feminized male protagonists who get the girl using overly dramatic drawn-out monologues.
I d like to blame Hollywood for spreading misandry (would The Proposal be as popular if it was a male boss forcing his attractive female secretary to marry him?)
I d like to blame the ultra-famous for making me believe they have standards we mere mortals will never measure up to.
“I just think he’s a lame superhero. He’s not interesting. He’s not dark. He’s just kind of a douchebag.”
~ Megan Fox regarding Superman.
I d like to hate the way Hollywood allowed a fearless ex-CIA agent that kills criminals with his bare hands to become defenseless and emasculated when dealing with the demands of his ex-wife (Taken staring Liam Neeson).
I hate the stories of rejection I ve heard from my many male friends which play over and over again in my head before I find the courage to go over and introduce myself to the cute brunette at the local coffee shop.
I hate the girls-just-want-a-nice-guy-advice Mom ingrained into my head at a young age.
I hate that the local bookstores always under represent Men s Issues (5 books) amongst shelves of Gay and Lesbian Issues (1 full shelf), and Women s Issues (2 full shelves.)
I hate how I ve allowed the opinions of others (family, ex-girlfriends, beta-male friends, priests, teachers, Hollywood) to become my unquestioned beliefs.
I hate all of the mistakes I ve had with women due to my misguided mindsets.
Sitting at home, comfortable in a deeply satisfying relationship with myself, I sometimes ponder what might have been if I could go back in time to fix myself” before such embarrassments were created.
But I always conclude that it was those tragic missteps that have became my stepping-stones of experience, pride, and confidence.
Perhaps if I hadn t persevered I d still be hateful and jaded.
Perhaps if I hadn t taken a moment to question my own disempowering beliefs I d still be sitting at home alone, pondering what I did wrong.
Perhaps if I hadn t grown up a little and discovered I m responsible for my own thoughts and feelings I d still feel weak and insecure.
Perhaps if I hadn’t matured with time and experience I d still be chasing and blaming. Perhaps I d still be hating and dating.
im ma ture
not completely grown or developed
lacking the emotional maturity, sense of responsibility
I ve learned that if I m busy hating then I have no room for loving.
I ve learned that if I m busy blaming then I have no time for learning.
Growing up is about taking responsibility for your own actions.
Growing up is about learning and forgiving yourself of past mistakes.
I ve learned that women of maturity, power, beauty, and self-confidence are women who instantly respond to men of equal or greater development.
This means that if you re immature in some aspect of your personal development (emotional, intellectual, spiritual, etc.) then women who ARE mature will instinctually want to avoid you.
One of the greatest gifts you can give yourself, and your sex life, is to add the pursuit of personal development to your Life Purpose.
Read your average online-dating website and you ll see what types of men women prefer: men who are self-motivated, who are driven to grow, experience, and explore. The regular couch-potato has photos taken in his bedroom with his laptop camera, while the man women most pursue will post photos of himself water skiing, tanning in Hawaii, trekking through Europe, or out with friends in social situations.
I can’t blame her for liking him more than me if I’m usually at home avoiding people. Neither should you.
I learned the following from my study of NLP (neuro-linguistic programming.)
In order to be successful with women and dating you need only to remember three things:
1) Know what you want.
2) Be aware of your results.
3) Be flexible enough to change.
Know what you want. It s pretty tough to get somewhere when you don’t know where you’re going.
How often do you hear yourself listing things you DON T want?
– I hate it when girls don t call me back, it s so rude.
– I hate it when girls won t return my eye contact.
– I hate it when girls expect me to pay for dinner and movie.
– I hate not being able to afford the things in life I really want.
You get what you pay attention to.
If your attention is on the things you DON T want then you re only going to get more of them.
Instead take the time to learn what you actually DO want, then focus on that.
– I love girls who are short and cute.
– I love girls who giggle at my jokes.
– I love being paid well when I put in a hard day s work.
– I love how my house looks when I take great care of it.
– I love it when a girl acts nervous just before I kiss her for the first time.
Make a list of all the things you want in a girlfriend, and be specific. Simply writing this list down will take you FAR down the road of success.
In 1979 there was a study conducted on students graduating from Harvard MBA program where they were asked, Have you set clear, written goals for your future and made plans to accomplish them?
3% had written goals and plans while 13 percent had just goals leaving 84 percent with no specific goals. Ten years later it was discovered that the 13 percent of the class who had goals were earning twice as much as the 84 percent who had no goals at all. The 3% who had goals and plans were earning ten times as much as the other 97 percent put together!
If you need help with writing goals then you might enjoy Brian Tracy s book Goals!
Be aware of your results. How often do you spend your day completely unaware the results you re getting from your daily habits? We can t make positive changes in our dating lives if we re completely unaware of results of our bad behaviors.
This is a painful process because we like to fool ourselves into thinking the way we are living is perfectly okay. Do you complain about being too fat while ordering pizza Friday nights? Do you complain about women being bitches while you angrily judge them from behind your beer glass across the bar? Do you wonder why your teeth keep yellowing while you continue to smoke?
If you don t become aware of your results then you ll never be able open to more choices.
So pay attention, even if it hurts. Don t waste time judging your choices, because that will hamper your willingness to explore your success and failures.
Pay attention to your choices and the results they being.
Be flexible enough to change. Once you grow an awareness of your negative results (women aren t calling back, aren t laughing at your jokes, or your coworkers avoid you) then you ll finally be able to do something about it.
If you always do what you ve always done, you ll always get what you ve always got.
If what you re doing isn t working then do something else.
With personal development comes growth and with growth comes choice.
Choice bring success.