Question: How do I get better at sex, without actually having it?
I am waiting to have sex with someone that I care about but when I am in a position to have sex with said girl, I don’t want to suck at it. What is difficult about sex? I mean, is it the simple cardiovascular endurance needed? Can you actually do anything to train yourself to last longer?
Any advice on how I could improve would be helpful. Thanks, lol.
~ Anonymous Dude (Under 18)
Here are my tidbits of sex advice… but do your own research via google and older/wiser female friends who have had sex and know what they like. Getting sex advice from women is normally pretty good. Their dating advice is often terrible.
That’s weird now that I think about it….
1) Sex Starts At Hello.
I don’t recall where I learned this… I think possibly my marriage councillor, before my divorce many years ago. He said, “90% of the sex you have with your partner takes place on your feet, outside the bedroom.”
What do you think that meant!?
Basically, the relationship you maintain outside the bedroom is FAR more important than the 20 minutes of nudity in the bedroom. Basically all romantic interactions that take place before you’re naked is kinda like foreplay. From that very first, “Oh… hello there” to the very last “Honey, did you forget milk again with these groceries?”
Sex starts BEFORE you start having sex.
It’s all those tiny moments of holding hands, ear-wispers, and ass grabs that influence the connection and satisfaction you share in the bedroom.
Basically EVERYTHING is foreplay.
EVERYTHING that takes place before you head to bed is part of the sexual ritual… so treat all interactions with care and love. The minute one of you rolls your eyes, or holds contempt, the relationship will start to sour.
Realize that it’s important to develop social skills and relationship skills LONG before you fret about your sex skills. Learning how to tease your girl, with just conversation, will warm her body up LONG before she ever get’s naked with you. And trust me… she’s paying attention to each hand shake you share with her, each hug, each touch, how you move, how you smell… everything. This all tells her in advance what you’re going to be like in the bedroom.
Are you patience and kind with a gentle touch?
Or are you impulsive, and selfish, and always in a hurry?
Often “being a man” is about composure and patience. And she’ll see that. As will her heart, and groin.
So keep up your research and continue to develop your social game, and seduction skills… just use google.
2) Passion trumps skills.
Assuming that getting naked with a girl you’re into is “enough” for you to “get off” during sex then perhaps you should put most of your focus on help HER to feel GOOOOOOD. And I’ve found that most women also get so worried about their partner that they forget to take care of themselves during the dirty deed So until you’re a pro focus on your true hunger and passion for her.. both physically and emotionally.
Girls understand this. When a guy is trying, and is willing to learn, and has passion for what he’s doing, it’s contagious. No woman is going to freak out on her man if he’s stumbling to figure out her parts… most women don’t even understand their own parts. As long as you care about her, and you’re focused on helping her feel good, as well as helping yourself feel good, then she’s going to into it, no matter what you’re doing.
Basically, as long as you’re caring and tender and paying attention to your partners reactions, and needs, you’ll being doing the right things.
3) Get Better at Sex: Learn The Mechanics.
The act of intercourse is simple, you can learn that in any porn video. But the mechanics of a woman’s sexy parts, as well as how to use them, comes from asking questions, paying attention, and doing a little research. But if you want to get better at sex you need more than just slapping bodies together. If you’re going to search “how to sexy times your woman” then make sure you’re watching a REAL HONEST training video, and not just something guys are using to jerk off. There’s a difference between porn for masterbating, and adult training videos.
Generic porn shows man pumping into a woman, over and over, creating dramatic slapping sounds. I can assure you this single movements isn’t going to do much for her, besides creating friction. Try slapping the skin on your balls, over and over again with your hand. How long before this starts to hurt? Your woman requires much more than thrusting in order to get pleasure… so try to learn a little about how her parts work in advance.
4) Just Ask.
Being naked with some dude takes courage for women. I mean, how much courage would you need to let some guy bigger than you get naked with you?! So recognize her courage, and realize she’s allowing herself to be REALLY vulnerable with you. And therefore there must be tremendous trust already developed between you. Congratulations!
So there’s really no excuses when it comes to openness and conversation. If you’re naked and you want to know what she likes, just ask.
If there’s something you’re doing that she doesn’t seem to respond to (like a blank stare on her face) then be willing to take directions, ask questions, and simply stay CURIOUS.
The key is to learn what makes women feel connected and loved. The physical ACT of sex isn’t hard, but the emotional connection takes patience and vulnerability. Women have to allow themselves to be completely vulnerable physically in order to have sex… they’re small and soft and sometimes fragile compared to us big lumbering hairy men… so it goes without saying that if we’re not careful we can hurt those we climb on top of.
So be patient, go slow, and be careful and loving. The rest doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter if you finish too quickly or not at all. All that matters is that you’re into her enough that you’re wiling to get naked and vulnerable together. And that you’re both willing to try to let the other one feel safe, and connected, and completely pleasured.
Any girl that’s completely into you will have no time to worry if you’re any good in bed.. she’ll be way to nervous about being naked, and whether or not SHES any good in bed.
I hope this helps?