When I get asked questions about women and dating they usually sound something like this:
- How do I get a girl to notice me?
- How can I convince this hot girl in my class to give me her number?
- How can I get this One special girl to like me?
- How can I get my ex-girlfriend to want me again?
- What are some great pickup lines for a waitress?
- Whats the fastest way to seduce any woman?
- How can I make a girl desire me in the first 5 minutes?
NOTICE YOUR INTENT
Can you spot the type of energy these questions have?
They can be reduced down to How can I GET?
I used to think seduction and pickup were about misdirection and manipulation but REAL seduction doesn’t require anything so nefarious.
Psssssssssssst (*creepy whisper voice*) here’s a secret: you don’t need to trick a girl into liking you if you’re already likable.
The key to attracting women is to develop who you are BEING, not what you’re doing.
No wonder most women seem really put off by the idea of men studying pickup because we sometimes come across as trying to get something from these girls: sex, attention, approval, affection, status, ego fulfillment, etc.
If Ive learned anything from my years of dating beautiful women its that women are empathic. If they sense needy or tom-trickery within your intentions, their attraction for you will fall off as fast as Zack Efrons girlfriends panties (assuming that poor chap is straight.)
Once a girl realizes why I study pickup and seduction (Im seeking ways to create excitement, passion, tension, and love with the women I meet) her attitude turns 180 degrees.
I think most women will open up to a guy she feels is seeking rapport and connection much faster than a guy thats seeking his own selfish desires.
Selfishness = Needy.
Try Hard = Needy.
Do NOT be a Try Hard.
Women avoid needy men like I avoid that guy asking for change outside of Blockbusters.
So how do we grow past our superficial needs for approval, affection, attention and love?
1) First we stop seeking it from women.
2) Then we learn to feed our own needs.
Women don’t want hungry men, they want men full of healthy, love and satisfaction.
Its your job to learn how to satisfy your own neediness. This way you can hit the clubs, bars, and social events feeling full and happy instead of lonely, frustrated and hungry for attention.
IGNORE and SCORE
It’s a MUST that you learn to ignore those questions you ask yourself that do NOT empower you… then score new questions that do.
IGNORE: How do I get a girl to notice me?
SCORE: Why do I need a girl to notice me?
SCORE: What am I passionate about that will make me a more interesting person?
IGNORE: How can I convince this hot girl in my class to give me her number?
SCORE: Whats interesting about this girl in my class? I should invite her out to learn more about her.
IGNORE: How can I get this One special girl to like me?
SCORE: Why am I stuck on this one girl? Is she giving me any indicators of interest? Is she worth flirting with, or is she just a beautiful distraction while Im bored in this moment?
IGNORE: How can I get my ex-girlfriend to want me again?
SCORE: Why am I wasting my efforts on a girl who’s not interested in me when I should be having a blast with a new girl who’s completely head over heels for the real me?
IGNORE: What are some great pickup lines for a waitress?
SCORE: What is something fun I could say that would really mess with my waitress so that this dinner is ten times more fun?
IGNORE: How can I make a girl desire me in the first 5 minutes?
SCORE: Where can I meet a girl who can make me desire her in 5 minutes?
STOP TAKING AND START GIVING
It all comes down to your intent. Are you excited about women because you have something to offer, share or give? Or are you that desperate guy who’s trolling the bar looking to get yours?
If you feel you are seeking ways to get something from women then you might want to take a moment to step-back and ask yourself why.
Why do you need a girlfriend? Why do you need that special girls attention?
In most cases you might be surprised to learn that your desires for a specific girl are not driven by your love for her, but instead for your deep need to fit in, to feel wanted, or to have the approval of your peers (who are jealous of your hot girlfriend.)
There’s nothing wrong with wanting what you want. Thats fine. Just realize that most women will avoid you if you’re being an emotional vampire who only sees her as a piece-of-ass.
Instead, if you pay attention to your intentions with the hope of converting How can I get her? to What can I share with her? You’ll find it far easier to meet and connect with amazing women.
Think about how much less stress you’d feel if your only intent is to make yourself smile while interacting with a hot waitress, as opposed to the pressure of trying to get her to like you? Much less pressure and way better payoff.
BEING fun is easier than DOING fun.
Be a fun guy who is willing to connect with the right girl, and you’ll find women will lineup for you.
Just always be willing to challenge your own intent. You might not realize its gone wrong, like that stinky guy on the buss who cant smell himself.
Confidence grows from a willingness to question your own motivations and is a great way to develop your lifes Purpose. And women LOVE a man who’s On Purpose.