Hey, Robby. A few weeks ago I went to a movie with a good female friend of mine. She ended up bringing two other girls with her.
This could either mean she didn’t want to be alone with you (she’s uncertain how she feels about you) or she simply didn’t see this as a date, which it wasn’t.
Needless to say, I didn’t mind at all.
Perfect. Too many guys get weird about this type of thing, it’s good that you didn’t care.
One of the friends was especially cute, but I actually started giving attention to the less cute one first so that I could draw the more attractive friend in.
It’s good that you spread the attention out over her friends because it’s easier to “get the girl” when you can attract her friends too… your value will go up in her eyes. Plus it shows that you’re socially calibrated and “cool.”
Both friends ended up being pretty cool and I ended up teasing and chatting with both of them pretty equally during the couple hours we hung out after the movie. I could tell I made a good impression as both girls were engaged in the conversation and asking questions. I ended up leaving without attempting to establish a mode of communication.
I can understand your thought process here… don’t act needy or too interested by stumbling to get her contact info, right? Plus you know here friend so you can likely ask her for more info… “Hey, is your red head friend single? Did she say anything about me?”
Plus it leaves her wondering if you were interested in her, which leaves you on her mind… assuming she thought you were cute and fun.
I don’t think it would have hurt you if you DID number close… when in doubt, escalate it out. 😉 But since you had alternative ways of reconnecting with her I think you did well.
The next week I ran into the more attractive friend where she works at the theatre. I ended up talking to her for a good ten minutes and of course, making her laugh a lot. I had friends waiting for me so I told her I had to go. She seemed to be reluctant to see me go and asked me for my number and ended up talking to me for another 5 minutes or so. I told her we would definately hang out soon.
If she’s asking for your number then you were obviously pushing all the right buttons. Nice work! My only issue with this is that giving her your number doesn’t mean she’s going to call you. BUT if you get HER number then you CAN call her. See? Perhaps you could have taken her phone while chatting with her and simply text’d yourself, giving you her number.
The next week I ended up, yes, going to see another movie. lol I invited her along with some other friends of mine. I didn’t really expect her to come but she texted me back and said she’d love to come. We ended up having a great time. She sat close to me and initiated psyical contact by playfully hitting and touching me a few times. I did the same with her. I kept everything pretty light and playful with moments of serious conversation.
You’re definitely playing this well but very slowly. Why another group date? You’re not going to connect with her until you isolate her. Either way it sounds like she’s enjoying your company so that’s a win!
About an hour after I left her, she texted to thank me for helping to calm her down (I helped her with a work related situation that was bothering her) and to say that she had fun.
She’s totally into you.
I replied that is was no problem and I thought she looked cute at the movie.
I love it. You’re finally being more direct. It’s not really risky at this point because she’s shown so much interest already.
She texted back and thanked me, saying she knew she wasn’t as as nicely dressed as I and that I was cute too. I’ve texted her a few times since then, usually waiting a couple days in between contacting her. She responds and is engaged in the conversation but the responses are rather slow and she usally, at some point, will not respond.
It makes sense to wait a few days before texting for fun because it shows her that you’re not too needy. Definitely match her response rate. If you text her and it takes her a long time to reply, then your reply should be equally as long. You should also give her the gift of missing you, so force her to initiate contact by NOT texting her for a while. If you’re always the first one to initiate contact then the power between you will slowly dwindle from you to her. It’s subtle but it matters.
And by power, I’m not talking about dominating her, I’m talking about being just allusive enough that she’s thinking about you. If you text her a few times a week then she’s feeling comfortable – because she knows where you’re at: interested in her. But if you let her sweat it out for a while it makes her FEEL uncertain. And attraction is about tension.
Poker isn’t fun when you know what everyone has and dating isn’t fun when she knows exactly what you’re thinking and feeling. Save that type of openness for the girl you’re dating long term.
I think most likely this is because she stays pretty busy.
Probably, which is a good thing.
She’s a very outgoing girl and has lots of friends, quite a few of them guys.
This is typical of an outgoing girl.
I’m starting to like her and am trying to decide on the next best step. She seems to like me too, but I don’t want to be put in the “Just friends” category.
So far most of the things you’re doing are good. My only suggestion would be to start more escalation. More flirting and more isolation. Real dates. No more generic texting and chatting… more direct flirting and escalation. You need to get her alone to find out if she’s REALLY for you. Shit of get off the pot, if you know what I mean.
I’m thinking I’ll try to take her to dinner next week and hopefully get to know her more. What’s your take on it? Is she into me or do you think she just wants to be friends and what is the next step?
Your help sincerely appreciated.
~ A.M. Ocala, Fl
You’re doing pretty well so don’t worry. Line up alone time with her (there’s no need to call it a date) like dinner, or mini golf, or bowling, or a picnic, or home made pizza at your place and a movie, etc.
And during your first two dates alone you need to escalate the intimacy… you don’t need to turn super serious, but a little more intimate. More personal stories, more sharing, more flirting. Longer eye contact, slower smiles, and definately more touching. Give her a fake palm reading but pay special attention while slowly touching her hands.
Get her used to your touch. Try hugs, thumb wrestling, palm reading, sitting tightly next to her, whispering a joke into her ear, etc. Any reason to have more physical contact.
Something I always do is hug my date hello. Almost like seeing a long lost friend. “Hey!” – Big Soft Comfy Hug!
I also like to invent games that require her to kiss me as my prize, or as her punishment (think silly games you might have made up in grade 2.)
For example, if we’re playing mini golf I’ll tell her that there’s rules:
1) Every time she gets a hole-in-one she win’s something… what ever she wants. Maybe you have to tell her some secret that nobody else knows or something.
2) Every time I get a hole-in-one she has to give me kiss. And she has to like it. No sour faces!
My point is this… you HAVE to have tried kissing her by the end of the second date. You don’t have to be successful but you have to try. It’s actually okay if she’s not into it yet. Because she will now KNOW she HAS to kiss you on the next date. And when she agree’s to the next date you’re IN!
The problem with dinner dates is that it’s awkward to have a first kiss during the dinner. The place might be busy and she might feel shy. Or there’s a whole table between you. You can kiss her at the end of the date but that’s sometimes stressful for the guy. Instead I suggest lining up a date where you can walk with her while holding her hand a few times, even if it’s while crossing the street. The more comfortable she becomes with you touching her the easier it’s going to be to kiss her.
So I prefer more active first few dates simply because it allows more touching, possibly more privacy, and plenty of opportunities to make her laugh only to surprise her with a kiss. But it all comes down to where you’re most comfortable and happy because your mood will dictate her mood.
Thanks for sharing and let me know how it goes!