Mark Borchardt is one of the main characters in the famous documentary “American Movie.” He makes me laugh and I like his attitude.
Dating online has many of it’s own intricacies outside of the normal dating dynamics that we experience in the “real world” so in order to keep this blog posting small I’m simply going to stick to the foundations: your photos, your profile description, and your mindsets.
– Post Three RECENT Photos
– The first one must be your most attractive photo. Either get one made, or have a friend catch you in your best light. You must be smiling. This one image is the most important in your entire profile.
– Your second photo should be you with friends, camping, or at dinner, or fishing, or something where you re being active and social. This is great for social proof and it shows you have passions (fishing? Racing? Flying?) and that you have friends.
– Your last photo should be unique enough that it gives any woman who finds you attractive a reason for an opener. If she can t figure out what you re doing in the photo then she might say What s with the blindfold? This is like Peacocking and gives a woman an easy opener. Plus it helps make you slightly mysterious and interesting. (I have a photo where I m blindfolded in the middle of field because of an Amazing Race game I was in.)
– For some reason women love horses so if you can get a photo of one add it. Even if it s not your horse. Horses pretty much rule for women. I hate them personally. When she asks about it just say I d rather not talk about it
– DON T post a photo of yourself shirtless unless you re on the beach with friends and playing volleyball. She ll immediately be turned off even if you re totally ripped. This just looks desperate.
– DON T post 10 photos of yourself from your webcam. This shows you don t get out much.
– DON T take a photo of yourself in the mirror. I hate that. It shows you don t have even 1 friend.
– DON T post any photos older then a year, unless you haven t changed at all. And trust me, YOU HAVE changed.
– DON T AVOID posting photos. If you have no photos you ll have no chance.
– DON T post drunk photos at the bar. This doesn t communicate anything good.
– DON T post photos where you ve used some terrible paint program to erase the girls photo who s in your arms. Get another photo and post it instead you lazy bastard. Women do this too and it drives me crazy.
– DON T post photos that help you brag about your financial success. Bragging is the worst thing ever.
– Keep it brief. Two very brief paragraphs are enough. If she looks at your photos and thinks you re cute she might read the profile. But she won t read a book. Besides you ll never convince her to feel attraction for you with your words. You ll convince her by helping her feel how interesting you are, and how fun you seem. If she feels you have personal power, self esteem, and choice with women, you ll get way more responses.
– Outline who you are, and what you enjoy doing. Try to paint a picture of yourself that s both interesting and fun.
– Say something about your passions. If you love your job then say so. If you love a hobby then say so. Anything that makes you sound well rounded while listing your preferences will help her she ll develop a better idea of who you are and what your personality is.
– Outline exactly the type of girl you re looking to meet, as well as the types of girls you DON T want. Amazingly the more specific you are the more responses you ll get. In my own profile I explain that I prefer the shorter women because they re easier to hug. And inevitably I always get women saying I loved your profile, although I m sorry to say that I m likely a little too tall for your preferences Don t worry about filtering too many women out, that s the point. This is powerful.
– Try to add some personality into it. Add humor.
– Smile when you re writing your profile. This helps for some reason.
– DON T sound like an accountant who s simply trying to find a baby maker.
– DON T have spelling mistakes and poor grammar.
– DON T talk about being nervous for dating online. Don t make excuses for your actions.
– DON T apologize for anything. Eg I m sorry my photo is so blurry because.. bla bla
– DON T ramble on and on about stuff. Try to keep it short and precise.
– DON T bother bragging about money, income, friends, or feats. It has no impact until they get to know you. Then they will totally surprise and impressed you ve never mentioned it.
– DON T bother sounding bitter, depressed, desperate, or otherwise like a loser. Winners aren t whiners.
Your profile will be doing MOST of your pickup so this is where almost all of your efforts should be going before you start worrying about what to say in your openers.
Here s an example profile I just wrote for my 21 year old Nephew. He s 21, 6 foot 1, athletic, self-employed, and ruggedly good looking. This is on PlentyOfFish.comMe: I’ve got a great sense of humor. I’m a very well liked respectable kind of guy. I like camping and fishing and I like to travel and snowboard. I’m enjoying the new career path I’ve just begun, and living in Alberta kinda rocks right now! I love meeting new people but I’m not looking to become someone’s serious boy toy … so let’s just hangout and see what’s wut.
You: You’re likely around my age, but if you’ve got a magnificent set of frontal lobes, we can negotiate. You’re funny, smart, fit and fun. Your relationships with your family and friends come first, and your pet cat loves me… even though she hates everyone!… and for some reason you find that charming about me.
P.S. If you’re too shy to say hello, then ask one of your friends to pass me a note that says “My friend likes you… do you like her too? Circle Yes or No”
Old Mindset: I m hoping to find a girl who likes me, and I hope she s cute.
New Mindset: I m seeking an attractive woman who fits within my desires and brings something special to the table.
Old Mindset: I should contact as many women as possible because I only expect a few to like me. This way I ll have the greatest number of possible responses.
New Mindset: I only want to contact the women that fit my criteria because I don t wish to waste time chatting with women who will not suit me long-term. My focus is quality over quantity.
Old Mindset: I hope I don t say something stupid because if I embarrass myself online it might get back to my friends, or it might be awkward if I run into this woman on the street.
New Mindset: All of my online interactions are anonymous and safe and this makes for an amazing sandbox to test out my own pickup theories, story lines, or banter. Besides most women really do like having fun.
Old Mindset: I need to respond to every woman who writes me because I don t want to feel bad by ignoring her.
New Mindset: I will only respond to those women I truly find attractive because I d rather not lead on anyone I m not really interested in.
Old Mindset: Women are very choosy and I need to make sure my profile fits as many women s preferences as possible! This will give me better odds at attracting a woman.
New Mindset: I m very choosy and the more specific I make my profile the better and more qualified the woman will be who chat with me.
Old Mindset: If I let a woman know how special and unique I think she is, the more she ll feel comfortable, and the more she s going to like me in return. Women LOVE compliments.
If I start a conversation with a woman by complimenting her on her appearance I ve just shown her that I m like every other guy, and she s going to have a gut feeling that I m somehow trying to manipulate her into liking me back by using something as silly as a compliment. My compliments will be scarce, specific, and very genuine and sincere.
Old Mindset: It s very important for a woman to like me to be attracted to me.
New Mindset: Attraction IS tension, so I ll have more of a chance at creating attraction if I m unique and fun, even if it makes her not like me at first.
Old Mindset: Women who don t post photos are all ugly as sin.
New Mindset: Many beautiful women don t post photos because it brings them too much attention.
Old Mindset: If I manage to get a girl to talk to me the more likely she ll start to feel attraction.
New Mindset: A woman will feel attraction immediately or not. I will make our first interactions have the most impact as possible because the longer we chat, and we DON T meet in person, the more likely she s not going to ever meet me.
Old Mindset: If a woman s acting bitchy she s a bitch.
New Mindset: If a woman s acting bitchy then she s likely just testing me. It s often just her way of protecting her soft underbelly, and I don t blame her. These tests are kind of fun.
Old Mindset: The longer I chat with a woman the more likely she ll feel connected to me. This connection is her attraction for me.
New Mindset: The longer I chat with a woman online without meeting her the less attraction she ll feel for me. The longer it takes for us to meet in person the harder it s going to be to EVER meet her.
Old Mindset: If a girl doesn t want to meet in person then she s just not interested.
New Mindset: If she s still chatting with me, and I m enjoying it, but she s hesitating to meet up then she likely needs to feel more trust and rapport with me.
Old Mindset: It s really hard to make an emotional connection while chatting online.
New Mindset: It s just as easy to bond online as in person.
Old Mindset: I have to tell her amazing stories to make her like me.
New Mindset: She has to tell me amazing stories for me not to get bored. To keep things interesting I can sometimes share some of my crazy stories.
Old Mindset: If I ask for her number too soon, and she s not ready to give it, then I might blow it.
New Mindset: I don t need a girls number UNLESS we ALREADY have a date lined up.
Old Mindset: If she s attracted to me it s only because my profile is well written and my photos are totally Choice. What happens when she meets me in real life and I m totally not what she expected?
New Mindset: If a girl finds me attractive on paper (online profile) then she s going to be blown away by me in person. I just hope she s as cute and fun as she seems
Old Mindset: If I really like this girl I need to make sure our first date is totally romantic and perfect. I need to really make an impression.
New Mindset: If I really like this girl I m excited about meeting her for coffee! That should be plenty of time to determine if she s awesome or crazy.
Old Mindset: I have to make sure not to say anything that might upset her, otherwise she ll stop talking to me.
New Mindset: I need to be myself as possible because it ll help her relax and act more natural, it ll help us create a better more authentic connection, and if she doesn t like me as I am then I m saving myself time out on an uninteresting date.
Old Mindset: I hope she s not chatting with other guys. I hope they re not more attractive then me!
New Mindset: I hope she s chatting with other guys so she doesn t get too into me too soon.
Old Mindset: I should make sure to not tell her any stories that would embarrass me.
New Mindset: If she s a really awesome girl I ll share some of my more embarrassing stories because she ll get a kick out of them.
Old Mindset: I should agree with her as much as possible to make her like me.
New Mindset: Sometimes it s fun to disagree, as long as we share other points of view.
Old Mindset: When I have her number I feel more comfortable texting her phone because she can answer it when ever she has the chance.
New Mindset: If I have a girl s number she ll feel more compelled to chat with me if I call. If I JUST text her then she ll not feel as connected with me.
<Top photo credit goes to Kristin!>
Here’s what I did:
– I created a fake online profile as a cute Asian girl on the website plentyoffish.com (a website I’ve dated many women through.)
– I posted simple info about my fake self and then waited to see what kind of emails and attention I’d get.
– I let the profile run for only two weeks before taking it down.
– I NEVER replied to any email or comment I ever received.
– I kept copies of the most disturbing emails and comments to share with you.
Why would I do this?
I basically wanted to confirm the rumors: that women get more attention through online dating websites then I ever did, and that they’re forced to deal with some real creepers.
When I was heavily into online dating I was getting a few emails a day, and it took me a few months to build up a “favorites” list. This is a list that basically outlines women on the site who’ve given me their “thumbs up.” It’s a type of online social proof. The more women who pre-approve of me, the better.
Here were my discoveries:
– If you’re a cute girl you will automatically get many more emails than a normal cute guy (I’m the cute guy comparison, so this isn’t necessarily very scientific.)
– Men will often be FAR more direct in their online messages than they would on the street (or so I’m told.)
– The many messages I received during my 2 weeks online as “Jeanine007” started to blur together, each one sounding exactly like the last one.
– I came to realize that if all the men online sounded exactly the same then the only reason I’d click on their profile (as a woman) would be because of their photo.
– Without EVER responding to these guys I still scored on many “favorites” lists. I can’t understand why someone would add a girl to their favorites list without ever talking to her… but my favorites count went from zero to 60 within two weeks.
– Some of the messages I received were COMPLETELY creepy.
– I couldn’t believe how poor the grammar and spelling was in most of the emails I received. Unbelievable! Why do most guys think punctuation doesn’t matter!?
– My eyes were opened to how lame we guys can sound when we act generic, desperate, or needy.
I’ll let you be the judge.
Here is the profile I posted:
I kept it simple and the girl “just cute.”
Here are the gems of what this profile received (I won’t include photos of these guys, but you can imagine.) The last one I’ve added was the longest and I’ve chosen not to edit it for your pleasure.
Holy crap, how cute is she!…. The business of online dating makes me feel desperate, not sure what to make of it. If you make a friend I guess its all worth it. Strange and or beautiful experiences can happen if you do something out of the “NORM” I guess. Drop me a line, say hello, tell me your secrets, run for the hills, or whatever. I’m liberated, sarcastic and fun so tell me a joke or fly to Mexico with me.
How are you name is shaynn and friends thought i could use some incentive to start dating again so i thought why not, so i’m on here humoring them. so how are you?
You are by far the hottest human ever made. I really have never said that to anyone
Hi,how are you,my name is Alex,i’m single,loyal,never been marred no kids…
i look your pic…i like you you are beautiful girl,i wish to talk with you to know you please…
if you have any Q…feel free to ask me.
hope hear from you soon.
My name is Sven & I tragically lost my virginity in a plane crash over Nevada. The other members of my band seem to be missing & I’ve been wandering this desert ever since…
Your cute bum is like a northern star, a golden dessert flower that could light up these skies and return me to a life of bad 80’s covers.
Will you help me to clip my mullet & get back on the radio, jeanine? i promise to put your, ahem, behind a really loud guitar solo.
wow your so sexy great pics
hey how are you? you look really cute! im new to this online dating thing.
well maybe coffe over tea, actully if there’s toast all take the tea lol. drop me a line if u’d like to chat sometime.
hey sexydoll, what you upto tonite? daaaaaaamn wish i could pleasure your sexiness
hi are you interested in a sugar daddy
hey there, i was just checking out the different profiles and yours caught my eye…you might be a keeper…haha…i am just a healthy, active ,nice guy looking to meet a kind hearted girl who has a passion for life and a great sense of humour..i would like us to start as friends so i can get to know you…that way we can both build up that trust level that any good solid friendship should always have if it is worth anything….what do you like to do for fun?……..
p.s….you seem like a sweety
what do i say?..and how do i do this?,cause i felt you seem worth trying a second time.
i guess i should have a template in such manner to save the letters on my key board, as per any sad pick up lines are you shall not have to worry,i dont have any,im lacking wish that department anyway.,
So lets try the honest approch.., im looking for friends. as lame as this sounds -> perhaps your different from most others.
im positivly sure WAY out of my leauge, cause im older and your hotter, But if i might have a chance with your friendship perhaps i might just grow on you enough to make you fall in like with me.
Well. perhaps i should get back pretending to now, may we talk in msn? Im wishing this is easier FOR ME, aswell my flirting is more effective. cause im sure im needing to dig deep to ever be lucky enough to earn holding your hand.
… I will try to intrigue u more??? I have my profile, yes, but this may provide more insight…
So you’re somewhat of a poet? This will bode well with me as I write a well. I would like to know more about you if you are open to that? Like how would you would describe a perfect relationship? What are you looking for in a man?
So know I will just write a “bit” and hope you find it useful, some of it observations .
You know, I find it highly unfair that if you don’t choose a “Fish Personality”, your only option is “No Personality”, and although I think there are some good options on that drop down list because – indeed – someone is going to judge you on your “fish personality” really? There are clearly some bad ones on that list! I can’t see anyone picking the sea urchin, suckerfish, crab, clam, barnacle Like WHO would choose barnacle or any of these? Basically a barnacle is a shell-like creature that attaches itself to rocks and sucks and feeds off plankton and any other crap that comes along. I like seafood a lot, but the picture one draws from such negative “personalities” is distasteful – I don’t even know what that’s supposed to mean, to another or me. Thus, I chose none “No Personality” than a barnacle or something some one else would choose, as I am one of a kind as would be the person or “fish” that I would swim through life with – weather it be storms or calm waters we swim together as one!
Hmmmm.. you ever notice that while you’re clicking on people, you tend to gravitate towards certain people? So I’ll click on someone, read their profile and don’t think it’d work. Then a little while later, I’ll click on their picture again, recognize them, and think “I’ve already looked at this one!” and then it happens again! You’d think I’d recognize the lady and figure it out, and subsequently stop clicking on their picture! oh well … human nature, GUESS we’re attracted to certain people, and it is a bit out of our control. Ha ha ha!!
Ok .. so I’ve re-read what I wrote in my profile and it looks like I probably didn’t stress enough how much I am a romantic, with quite confidence that is exerted if the situation requires. I am one of a kind that women talk about but I am not sure they really want?! Further, let’s just say I want someone who keeps in shape, I do, it’s not something I just enjoy, it’s my lifestyle so that and laughter are important to me, perhaps you think that makes me one-dimensional but if you think so, then feel free to click on one of the lovely gentlemen thumbnail pictures above.
Further, I’m goal-oriented, self-driven, witty (comes from my English background I guess), don’t take _____, and I basically do what it takes to get there. This also translates to my professional life except it is two working as one. I have learnt a so far if life and I want to learn a lot more and find that love eternal. With my eclectic work experiences has subsequently made me more marketable, who knows maybe this translates into the personal? One does not go without the other. I guess the same can be said about the women I want to meet she wants to grow and learn, open to new experiences. Face it we all want something fantastic and surreal. A relationship where you learn from one another as you hold hands throughout your life together too much to ask? In this day and age one would think so but life is a journey and although it is sometimes scary, I’m loving it!
“The things we do should consume us. If they don’t, our lives won’t have any meaning.” – John J. Kelley
[CAUTION – those who are allergic to laughter, someone being romantic with you, protected, having fun, enjoying life, and loved… just wait.. stop there .. and DO NOT HIT SEND]
hmm. .. perhaps it is best that I take what basically I wrote before in a marketing class… it’s out of context but I think it’s most accurate:
I’m extremely independent and very much “take-charge” kind of guy… an Alpha guy, if you will. I know what I want and I get things done… I have little patience for dilly-dallying. I’m often on the go but I can definitely kick back and enjoy doing nothing and relaxing. Actually, when I do have those occasions, I revel in it. When I’m not doing the usual things… like working, working out, blading, hanging out with friends, I LOVE cooking, playing my guitar, writing, and enjoying a glass or two of whatever… often it’s wine, hence my collection of wines, but what I enjoy most is creating an experience… so whatever suits the meal best, I’m open. I guess you can call me a bit of a foodie. Because of this, I also love trying new restaurants, new cultures, occasionally dressing up to the 9’s for my lady (jumping out of my T’s and jeans face it I wear a suit and tie every day!). I’m pretty open to doing most things… trying new things as long as the company and conversation is good, and often it is, because I’m very picky as far as who I spend my time with, since I tend to have little of it. Of course, I gravitate towards doing active things but I also love going to shows, plays, musicals, theatre, inline skating, gym, football (soccer for the North Americans) etc
Knowing these things, I know the kind of partner that works best for me. I need someone who’s confident, sexy, independent, open-minded, forward, and outspoken. I’m an Alpha guy but I don’t always want to be in charge, things are situational, and that role becomes taxing and tiring so having someone who’s more forward and willing take the reigns works well for me face it you have a brain and thoughts lets go with that too! Having someone take the Alpha role gives me room to take on a guiding and supportive role, which I think is important too.
I also want someone who enjoys the same sorts of things I do… not exactly everything because who wants a replica of themselves? But someone who will share in the things that I enjoy most… whether it is in the capacity of doing the same things or being supportive.
There also has to be strong chemistry… playful, fun, flirty banter keeps the relationship young and on its toes. Someone who can dish it out, but can also take it you don’t have to be always right. I also need someone who speaks their mind and isn’t afraid of doing so.
One more thought – I don’t believe in the concept of someone who “grows on you over time”… Moss grows on you over time, fungus grows on you over time.. the only things that get better with time are wine and cheese but I already have a liking towards both to begin with. Some have described me as kind, cold, and caring (what a mix) when it comes to relationships but that’s only because I know what I want and if it doesn’t fit, why prolong it? I respect the other person way too much to put them or me through prolonged sentiment, but I DO REALIZE a relationship takes WORK! Of which I give it my ALL.
If things sound good to you and you would like to talk more, message me. I hope to hear from you soon.
Subject Lines from the FIRST DAY of the profile being up
- dessert flower
- You sound sweet
- HI THERE
- Hello Stranger
- Buenas Noches
- good morning
- howudoinnnnnnnnnnnn! lol
- hello beautiful!
- hi there
- good morning
- hmmmmmmmm sounds fun
- OK!!!! Hoses are Grey and
- Fancy poem
- A friendly Hello
- what shall I say?
- hey there
- the poet
- nice profile
- hi there
- hi im david
- i never know what to say but …
- hey there
- tequila shot
- hello there
- : )
- your pretty
- cofee or tea works for me
- jingly subject line here
- cute dog
What can we learn from this simple experiment?
Women have more bullsh*t to deal with when trying to attract a man online than I ever realized.
Ultimately I’ve decided that even though most of these guys had no idea how to draw a woman’s response, I hadn’t created a profile of a girl who’s interesting enough to really draw the attention of men of higher quality.
If your initial opener is simple, sincere, and not the EXACT same as every other guy’s, you’ll likely stand out.
If you’re going to date girls through an online website just make sure you DON’T sound like all of the above examples.
I’ll take this opportunity to post photos of hot chicks.
If you have a good Dating Quote for my blog, please email me! Questions@FullOfHateAndReadyToDate.com