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QUESTION:

I’ll try and make this as brief as possible… my boyfriend of six months had decided over the summer to request a lesser mg dose of his anti-depressants as he “didn’t like how he was feeling”.

*He was picked on extensively as a child has low-self esteem/insecure.

He is undiagnosed as far as being bipolar but he exhibits every symptom of such and I am confident he is. A few months back he poked me in the collarbone while in the passenger seat of my car for me not wanting to walk with him downtown shitfaced and being argumentative, I put him out and he dropped our relationship saying he didn’t want to see me again etc. Gave me the silent treatment for about 7 days and called apologizing saying he really liked me etc.

I laid the ground rules and now all has been well and good since then besides two occasional withdrawals for about 3days, saying he didn’t feel right.

Now last week he hacked my Facebook (FB) thinking I wanted another guy, then went on his own FB, posted a status about deadbeat dads (intentionally targeting my ex and trying to be hurtful to me) then proceeded to call me saying he wanted to give me the cell phone back as he didn’t want anything “funny” going on about it later… like my “trouble making ex saying he stole it”…*which in fact my ex GAVE to him. I told him to keep it.

He removed me as a friend from his FB, so I blocked him from my acct and changed my password.

Two days before this hell broke loose he was saying he loved me, sliding his hand behind my back, giving sweet passionate kisses out of the blue, walking in the park, etc I could FEEL his love, I know it’s legit.

He’s extreme… when it’s good it’s BEYOND excellent, when he’s down he’s to the GROUND.

We were inseparable.

I’m wondering where to go from here, I love the guy to pieces and I’m trying to be supportive. I caved on Friday and called to check on him, he wouldn’t answer I left a voice mail saying I called, and I haven’t heard back.

I refuse to chase and I won’t call again. What do you think?

Also, I should mention he’s been acting more obsessive/jealous lately, he commented in the mall he didn’t like everyone looking at me… he laughed but I know he felt angry/agitated. He also introduced himself to my neighbors as ‘the mouthpiece I wouldn’t take downtown.’ I was pretty annoyed, but chalked it up to his state.

Boyfriend behave badly
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ANSWER

You’re not responsible for him, his feelings or his actions.

It’s shitty that his ‘state of happiness’ is being challenged by old traumas and possibly inner chemical imbalances. That just sucks!

And it’s sweet that you’re showing him such empathy… that shows how big your heart is!

But don’t forget something very important… he’s responsible for HIM, and you’re responsible FOR YOU.

In case you forget… how YOU feel is important too.

If you’re going to continue to tolerate his ups and downs, just make sure you’re NEVER putting him before you.

YOU have to take care of YOU.

Your feelings for him should NEVER lower your expectations of how he treats you.

This is just my opinion: it doesn’t matter how much you love him, or how much he loves you. It just doesn’t.

What really matters is that you’re ALWAYS safe, that you ALWAYS feel loved, and that you’re treated how you DESERVE to be treated.

The end.

Honestly… you deserve to be safe with the man you love.

Always.

Not just “sometimes when he’s feeling good.”

If he’s got issues, that’s NOT your responsibility no matter how much you love him! Seriously.

He’s a grown man who needs to manage his own shit, not leave you wondering what the fuck just happened… knowing that he can just explain it all away with his mood swings, or alcohol abuse, or the drugs he’s taking, etc.

Ask yourself this… would you let some other dude, that you don’t even know, treat your mom/sister/niece the way he’s treated you?

You’re responsible for YOU in this life… don’t settle for some guy because he’s SOMETIMES super awesome.

Demand the best and you’ll get it… because you deserve it!

One last thing… don’t dismiss any of his bad behavior away, like he’s not responsible. Don’t chalk anything up to his “state.” He’s responsible for EVERYTHING he does.

If you dismiss his bad behavior to an imbalance in his brain then you MUST also dismiss his good behavior for an imbalance in his brain. You can’t let him off the hook when he’s bad but then give him credit when he’s being good. That means you must ALSO chalk up his good behaviors as just his pills or an accidental mood swing.

~ Robby

 

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