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(Todayís Guest Guru Post is by David Wygant, a legendary Dating Coach with his own fantastic website†www.DavidWygant.com. Go check it out!)

QUESTION:

I got a question from somebody the other day, and I really want to share it with you:

Dear David,

As an introvert, I have difficulty engaging and intriguing people in a way that builds lasting relationships. Being an introvert I donít have a lot of friends and that specifically gives me a low opinion of myself, and itís often difficult for me to express myself even in a one-on-one setting. I would like to learn how to change this, how to build more social connections, and form real relationships with the men and women in my life.

Thanks for taking the time to read my email,

Danny

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ANSWER:

Hi Danny,

Interesting the way you say it, ďAs an introvert.Ē

In a three-sentence e-mail to me, youíve used the word ďintrovertĒ twice. Which leads me to believe that as you go about your entire day, you probably say to yourself, “as an introvert, I do X.”

“As an introvert, I do Y. “

“Because Iím an introvert, I canít talk to that person over there. “

Because Iím an introvert, I wonít be able to meet somebody.”

Your mind set is everything in life, and your personal verbal programming dictates the way you lead your life. Whatever it is that you believe about yourself, that will come to the front. If you believe it, then you are going to be it.

So instead of going around all day saying to yourself that youíre an introvert, I want you to say the following (and listen to the difference):

“Iím shy. I have trouble engaging and intriguing people, and itís because I act shy. But, you know what, every single day I go out and I do things to help overcome my shyness. I may not have a lot of friends right now, but every day Iím just going out and meeting people, talking to people, becoming friendly, because thatís what helps. I realize that it takes time to change all of those learned behavior patterns that Iíve developed over my entire life. But Iím willing to tackle my issues, Iím able to do this, and Iím going to work on it every day. Every day Iím going to go out and do the things that make me feel the most uncomfortable, because I know that eventually Iím going to get comfortable doing these things.”

You see the way I phrased it differently?

Your words are very powerful.

Your words are your actions.

The words you choose to tell yourself affect the actions you are going to take in life.

Choose your words wisely.

~ David†