QUESTION:

I’m under 18. What kinds of things can I talk about with a girl I like but don’t know?
There are times when there are girls in an office center for high school … but I don’t know what to say. Sometimes I like a girl but how do I start a conversation with her and what should I talk about?

How can I let her do all the talking? How do I talk to girls?

ANSWER:

I like your style. You’re wise enough to ask these questions, which is something I never did when I was in highschool… so you’re miles ahead of many guys. Good for you!

First… know that the tension you feel when you are talking to a girl you’ve just met, is a GOOD thing. You WANT that tension. It’s that TENSION that she’ll internalize as “attraction.” If she doesn’t have this tension then she’ll forget you the second you walk away. Your goal is help her to FEEL attraction.

It’s all about how she FEELS when she’s interacting with you.

This is how you talk to girls:  First comes attraction (tension), then comes rapport (connection) then comes intimacy (the glue.)

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Don’t only focus on your classmates… waitresses are fun too!

Attraction

Remember how little boys like to pull girls hair? That’s attraction. These boys like those girls… so how do they get her attention? They give her an instant emotional response… pull her hair and make her mad. She ignore him if she’s made at him.

This idea still works! Except instead of pulling her hair, you can just increase the tension… sometimes that’s through fun humour, sometimes that’s by teasing her. Pulling hair might still work, if you have amazing ‘game’ and you know how to bounce back from her anger. Some dudes can actually. But I don’t recommend it. I used to do this all the time but I’ve found it’s easier to get the girl if you provoke her feelings with laughter and fun and excitement and mystery.

BUT too much tension can backfire, especially with younger women who can’t handle it. Highschool girls need far less tension to build tension… mostly because they’re going through a time of their lives where they’re often super vulnerable and inscure.. and so they don’t handle teasing as well as more mature stable women.

Just talking to a girl you don’t know will likely have enough tension for her to on her tiptoes… it’s enough to get her attention. So I’m not going to bother you with suggestions on ways to tease her.

Rapport

Rapport is about connection and comfort. We feel rapport and comfort with our best friends… they help us to relax and open up. That’s why building rapport can help her feel relaxed and safe when talking with you, instead of guarded or nervous.

But too much rapport can kill attraction (in the long term, not within the first few conversations) but we won’t worry about that just yet.

One magical way to create rapport is to simply BE super comfortable with someone. Simply by being comfortable and talking to them like you’ve know them for years will imply instant rapport.

For example, “Hey, do you think I look wierd with this white belt with these white shoes? I”m not sure I’m pulling this off.” Asking a girl this shows her that you’re instantly comfortable talking to her and getting her opinion, like an old friend. There’s no time waste with “Hi, my name is this and who are you? Etc.” Instant rapport.

Another great way to build rapport is to ask them questions in an attempt to get them talking about themselves.

A little human psychology here… girls LOVE talking about themselves!

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Trust me, all girls like talking about themselves, when given a chance.

So I’ve found that questions are a great way to start a conversation.

I like getting women’s opinions on things… it makes the conversation more personal, and it doesn’t make me seem like I’m trying to pick them up. This is more indirect because I’m not hitting on her (yet) and keeps her busy talking.Plus, if you ask for her opinion it allows the conversation to get a little deeper than just superficial fluff.

For example, if I saws some cute girls hanging out I might approach them say, “Hey, do you guys (even if it’s girls say guys…) know anything about yams? I was at the grocery store this weekend and I found some sweet potatoes… are sweet potatoes and yams the same thing?”

Now that I think about it I doubt you’re doing much grocery shopping yet… hmmmm…

Maybe,“My best friend’s little sister is having a birthday, she’s 9 years old, and I’ve known her since she was a baby… can you suggest what she might like? I have no idea what girls like these days.”

Or,“Hey, I totally need a girl’s opinion, and you guys look like you got your shit together… I need fashion advice. I’ve just bought some white casual shoes and I’m trying to decide if I need to wear a white belt with them, or not. I heard you should match your belt to your shoes, but I’m completely lost!”

or, “Do you guys know what a Claymate is? My mom’s a Claymate and I’m trying to decide if I should be worried about it… these are women who love his music and talk about him on message boards online. I mean, at least my mom’s being social and helping raise money for charities and such… but should I be worried?”

Etc.

Your goal is to engage them to test how open and social they are. Sometimes girls aren’t social, so don’t take it personally if they don’t want to chat. Just say, “well thanks anyways,” and walk away with a smile. Don’t get embarrassed or grumpy. Each interaction is just more experience under your belt for the next girl.

Basically start chit chatting with any girl you find cute. If she response and is open to chatting, that’s the first good sign.

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Get comfortable with talking to girls now, because they’re just going to get hotter as you get older.

 

Escalate

You can’t just chat forever, eventually you’ll have to escalate.

If she engages you then slowly start to flirt.

And if you know you’re going to see her again then don’t rush it, because you’ll see her again tomorrow. Sometimes, especially if she’s super shy, it’s best to create enough rapport that she’s more and more comfortable talking with you.

But if you don’t flirt, you’ll always end up in the friend zone… so flirt!

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Get a job that forces you to talk to women… like a bikini photographer?

“Susie, you always seem to know everything. I think I’m going to marry you! Assuming you’re going to be rich that is…”

“Stacy, I love your taste in clothes, you always look so cute! I just hate those heals you love so much. I prefer you being short and huggable.”

Or after she gives you a compliment, “Haha, thanks! Tell all your friends how awesome I am…” with a wink and a smile.

Flirting is an art I can’t really get into here, but my point is this… you can’t just chit chat for ever… you need to increase your sexual intent… you need to touch her more, flirt more, and spend more time together. And, eventually, spend time together alone outside of school.

You know… dating.

So don’t waste too much time making small talk when you should really be inviting her out to that new movie you’ve been dying to see, or to meet you at the local coffee shop to share some pie.

~ Robby

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