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FEMALE QUESTION:

I’m new to the whole relationship scene, but it’s gotten to that point where I see a couple and am not jealous because he’s good looking but because I want that sort of relationship.

I met a guy, just for one night and we kissed and we’ve been texting non-stop, he says he’s happy to take it slow and is serious about me but how can he be when he’s only met me once? Personally I thought I’d never see him again so my texts were ridiculously flirty, but since he’s established that he doesn’t mind slow we’ve switched to having nicer conversations (so I made a royal fool of myself there…)

There’s also the fact that I’m not the type of girl that gets guys like him, but if he’s serious do I have to be so self conscious?

I guess the (two) questions I’m asking are is one meeting enough and also is personality as important as looks?

 

ANSWER:

From what I’ve learned about dating and relationships I can tell you this…

First comes attraction. Next comes rapport. Then comes Intimacy.

If attraction doesn’t come first and you skip right to rapport, then you’re becoming “just friends.” (The dreaded “Friend Zone.”)

Luckily it sounds like you started with attraction (flirting, etc.)

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There are steps that lead from meeting to dating...

 

Soooooo… now what?

The rest is easy. It’s about becoming friends. That’s why you naturally toned down the flirting and amped up the “real talk.”

But be careful. Too much rapport, too fast, can ruin attraction.

It you’re too serious too quick it can scare guys away who just want to flirt and have fun before they marry you.

So I suggest 2 things…

 

1) PUSH AND PULL (teasing)

Mix up your conversations with flirting with occasional “real” conversations and story telling and sharing secrets.

And don’t rush it.

He doesn’t need to know the REAL you, and all your secrets, for many many months and years.Save the good stuff.Let him just enjoy your company and conversation.

Teasing, then being serious, will keep him surprised and unsure where you stand, and he’ll emotionally enjoy the playfulness mixed with seriousness. this creates attraction.

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Teasing and 'being cute' works, so do it.

 

2) BUILD RAPPORT/CONNECTION

Plus, this isn’t your first relationship. Every girlfriend you’re best friends with is a relationship. And you already know how to keep them healthy, or how to kill them. It’s about boundaries and trust and sharing and honesty and laughing together, etc.

The only difference with romantic relationships is that you include more sexual undertones and your boundaries are slightly more open, especially physically.

I might also mention that relationships shift and change and will never be the same from week to week or year to year. That’s why I’ve found it completely naturally for couples to fall in love one season, and break apart the next. It’s a social construct to believe this is painful or bad. It’s not. We don’t have to let these things hurt our feelings when a relationship comes to an end.

So don’t think it’s the end of the world if this one doesn’t last. Most people change and grow and it’s rare that two people can do both together at the same time. It’s all about being our best selves so that if a relationship ends we don’t look back upset with ourselves, but instead proud and happy with the time we had together.

Any who…

Flirt, have fun, and don’t scare him away by getting too invested too quickly. 🙂

Your exterior looks might draw his initial attention, but it’s your personality that will keep him around. Your mood and expressions infect those around you… so be happy, especially happy with yourself, and those around you will ALSO become happy with you. So stay bubbly, or funny, or honest, or whatever it is about you that you’re most proud of, and others will pickup on it. Personality is everything.

~ Robby

 

Today’s blog photos are from this amazing photographer!