I’m not really sure what to do with this one girl I really wanna be with. Aside from other issues with her and in my life, she’s really really closed and pretty much rejects every guy in her life even when she’s going out and he just wants to kiss. She even didn’t want a relationship with the guy she really likes, so my question is, what should I do? Should I keep hanging out with her, trying to get something (we’re just friends at the moment) or should I keep my distance?
Hey dude, this is a tough situation.
The reason most women have big barriers up (closed off to men) is usually some type of past trauma, or deeply flawed inner beliefs (blame Mom, Dad, creepy Uncle Frank, or religion.) This means her inner body (emotional body) has trauma and feels raw, and so she guards it with her outer body (pushing men who want to get close to her away.)
I’ve dated MANY women in this category so I know what they’re like.
Here’s the problem.
They’re a lot of work.
And it requires YOU to be SUPER SOLID as a man in order to invite a woman like this into your life emotionally or intimately.
This means, if she freaks out, or has a break down around you, YOU have to be like a Touch Stone. Safe. Honest. Sincere. And unmoved. Unreactive.
If she swears at you and yells and makes a scene, you can’t react. No reaction. Just silence and stillness.
Women like this (or anyone with inner pains) require gentleness, patience, and someone they can trust. This might be you, if you can be unreactive, objective, and non-judgmental.
If you can be this guy, unaffected by her emotions, then you have a chance.
You see… her emotional body is healing and is sensitive to touch (emotional touch) so she doesn’t want to open up to someone for fear they’ll hurt her.
But if she sees that you’re unjudgemental, always calm and un-emotional, she’ll learn to feel safe and secure around you, even when she’s feeling upset.
Know what I mean?
So this takes patience and time.
This DOESN’T mean you should “just be friends.” You MUST continue to escalate emotionally, and physically, in an effort to keep the relationship rolling, and the sexual tension cooking.
But in her case you have to escalate SLOWER than normal. If she’s not comfortable kissing, then you need to start way back, and escalate to something smaller.
Then, over the course of a number of “dates” you simply do a little bit more, in baby steps. Emotional escalation and physical escalation.
Emotional escalation is basically you learning to trust each other with secrets, and stories, and personal stuff you don’t normally share. When you are willing to be vulnerable around her she’ll learn to trust you.
Physical escalation can happen at the same time. Like, sitting close. Touching legs. Then touching hands (read her palm and be gentle with her skin.) Holding hands. Then whispering a funny joke in her ear in order to give her neck goose bumps. Then holding her hand for a few moments, perhaps when crossing the street, or stepping off a curb. Then kissing her cheek. Then touching her arm while telling a intimate story from your past. Then kissing her quickly on the lips.
At any time she might object. That’s normal and okay.
This means you simply take one step back (not all the way back to nothing, just one step back from kissing, like just holding hands.) Then you give her more time, like another date. Then you gently kiss her mid date again.
And so on.
Persistence wins every time, trust me.
Ultimately she might not be into you, which means she’ll stop going on dates with you. BUT if she’s on a date with you then she’s telling you WANTS you to escalate… just do it slower than most girls.
Taking your time makes you STRONG and a GENTLEMAN.
Let me know how it goes,
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