Wonder why women have “Bitch Sheilds” or why they ignore your dirty advances? It’s because she knows you’re creepy long before you open your mouth.
But why do women develop this empathy and acute awareness?
Because you’re a pervert who touched himself growing up.
Just kidding, but not just kidding.
Try this experiment if you dare: take your closest female friends out for dinner (it’s okay to take your sisters if you have no female friends… I won’t judge) and ask them what it was like growing up as a girl.
Ask them to explain some of the scary things they ve encountered from older men when they hit puberty.
I ve done this myself and I was filled with rage against men, but I grew an appreciation for women and their sensitivities.
Almost all women will experience dramatic social changes when they hit puberty and when they start to develop their “womanly figures.” I ve heard stories about how awkward one friend of mine felt when she was only 14 when her dad s male friends would come over and have beers and stare at her awkwardly, possessively, and with deep sexual intent.
Think about how disturbing this would be as a young boy. Ever have a creepy uncle look at you weird? Think about it.
When I had this discussion with many of the women I ve dated I was also horrified at how many rape stories I would hear. Not only do almost all women have a story where they were victimized in one way or another, but every girl who was telling me their story seemed to have a peaceful detachment from it. I found that I became very upset to hear their stories, while they seemed to have a quiet acceptance of the whole thing, as if it was simply just a part of life.
Being the victims of attacks and unwelcome sexual aggression seemed almost an acceptable part of their past. This makes me angry when I think about it. Mostly because I have sisters,nieces, and a mom.
If you sit with a girl and listen to her stories you’ll grow a deeper understanding as to why women seemed so intuitive about men. They need to be.
Consider how many strange men they encounter through out their lives.
Realize this: you’re big, she’s small. She knows this and puts herself into a very vulnerable situation when going on a date with you.
Stop taking her vulnerability for granted.
Why does this matter?
Well if you ever expect a woman to open up to you and become physically and emotionally vulnerable she will need to have a level of trust with you that most guys don t even think about. The fear she has deep in her body is based upon real life experience, as well as artifacts from her prehistoric brain.
The cave-woman who survived and reproduced learned which dudes to avoid and which dudes to trust. If she didn t she wouldn’t survive to have kids, who had kids, who had you.
Pregnancy is another life-threatening danger women face that we guys don’t.
These are just SOME of her fears when opening up to a new guy.
When I first started dating this never even occurred to me.
Mostly because I was so self absorbed with my own fears and desires that it didn t occur to me that her fears would be so different than mine.
When you approach a woman for the first time, and she doesn t know you, she has very real defense mechanisms that will help her keep safe from the likes of you. You need to be very aware of this so that you can act accordingly AND so that you don’t take offense.
If you re acting creepy, slimy, or questionable in some way, shape, or form, she ll filter you out as being unsafe or questionable.
Here are ways you might be acting creepy (when you first meet her):
- Staring from across a room but not approaching.
- Asking uncalibrated questions ( What kind of underwear are you wearing? )
- Inappropriate jokes.
- Laughing too loud, and too often.
- Uncomfortable body language like shifting around, chewing your finger nails, or any bizarre postures.
- Uncomfortably close body language.
- Over bearing eye contact with no smiling.
- No teeth smiles are kind of creepy.
- Any smile where the eye s don t also smile. (Fake Smiles)
- Touching inappropriately such as suddenly touching her for the first time 30 minutes into your conversation. This also includes touching her too often, and in her erogenous zones without invitation (belly, face, breasts, ass, upper legs, etc.)
- Giving too many compliments, especially about her physical features.
- Overly sexual body language, comments, or behavior.
- Acting awkward in any way.
- Inventing and discussing future plans together.
- Trying to win her affections by buying her and her friends drinks, or any outwardly obvious flaunting of money.
Here are ways you might be acting creepy (on the first date):
- Disclosing too much information. Keep private matters private at first.
- Smothering her with interest before a real relationship has been given an opportunity to develop: this includes love letters, too many emails, phone calls, displays of affection, etc.
- Acting possessive or overly protective. She s not yours, don t act like she is.
- Dropping by unexpectedly and uninvited.
- Showing a lack of emotional control (Outbursts of anger, fear, or sadness.)
- Showering her with gifts and expensive meals.
- Hitting on her friends, or other girls in front of her.
There are many physical, emotional and financial risks that women take when dating that you should consider. Women have real reasons to be very selective about the men they date and have sex with. Don’t be offended. Don’t be jaded. And don’t be creepy.
Be understanding, sincere, honest, and fun.
Being FUN will overrule her feelings of fear every time.
P.S. You can read Part 6: She Fears Social Judgements? here.
P.S.S. Did any of this make sense? Ask me questions in the comments below.
Top Photo Credit: SuicideGirls.com – Pin-Up Punk Rock and Goth Girls