Which reasons do you think are restricting my date-life the most?
Here’s a list of things I think are hindering me, and I’d like to know which women are actually bothered by… Basically, I’d like to know which ones I’m just over-analyzing and shouldn’t give a crap about, versus the ones I should work on.
1) No job / monetary income. (I’m focusing on college)
Women are attracted to passion and purpose. So when you’re focused on something you’re passionate about, especially if it’s career related (like school), the better off you’ll be. Plus most women understand that it’s hard to work when you’re in school, so don’t sweat it.
2) I’m more of a follower than a leader, when it comes to inviting people out and starting fun social events.
Being a “leader” doesn’t just mean you take control of others or that you’re always the person heading up social events. Sometimes being a leader of your own life is enough to help girls notice you. Women prefer guys who can make decisions, who can lead a date, or who seem comfortable around others. That’s it.
I’ve NEVER heard a girl complain about a guy not being a leader. And I’ve never heard a girl complain about a guy who’s a follower.
I’ve only heard complaints about a guy who can’t make decisions. Don’t be indecisive… learn to trust your own decisions making, and she’ll notice. 🙂
3) Men think of me as a “rich kid” and women think of me as a “good friend.”
I suspect this is you assuming how others’ perceive you, so it’s not likely accurate. But, even if it’s true, being a good friend is not a bad place to be… it’s only a step away from being a good lover if you ask me.
As for “rich kid” … thats a strange type of judgement. If you hear your friends calling you that then consider getting new friends.
Having money isn’t a reason to judge someone. Now, if you’re being a spoiled brat who whines and complains when he doesn’t get what he wants? Then you might take a moment to have some perspective. 🙂
4) My house is a mess.
Is it messy or is it dirty?
Dirty = Disease = slob, etc.
Messy = typical dude.
Try this… create rituals that help keep your place clean and tidy. Clean means your toilet is cleaned weekly and you don’t have rotting food hidden through out your place. Tidy just means it’s easy to find stuff. If you hear a girl say, “Wow, this place is a mess” then it’s time to do some cleaning.
Think about it like this… if your house is dirty then she’s imaging everything about your is gross… your finances, your hygiene, and your life. Chaos is not attractive. Bring calm to your house… clean it.
5) I have an athletic build (even I like it when someone is bigger, something about a sense of protection, and its more comfortable.)
Stay fit, it’s a plus.
And I get what you mean… being around other bigger guys is like a safety net should something go down. Safety in numbers, etc. That sounds normal. Unless you like your girlfriend being bigger than you… that’s a different story.
6) I ignore retarded comments or when women try to tell me about their bad dating life issues (cause if I were to open my mouth and be honest, they’d hate to hear what I had to say, even though I wouldn’t TRY to be rude.)
Having an opinion is a good thing.
Assuming how others will react to your honesty is NOT a good idea. This means you’re editing yourself out of fear of how others will react. This might be a problem…
I suggest 3 three things…
1) Stop judging people so harshly that your comments upset others when you share them. Besides… when you judge others, even in your own head, you’ll judge yourself the very same way. And I always recommend growing from a boy who judges (hates) himself to a man who doesn’t.
Besides, other people will avoid you if they fear you’re going to judge them for something. That’s why you shouldn’t sit around with friends while making fun of other people… it shows your friends that you’re quite happy to judge others.
It’s also a method of thinking that will ultimate leave you feeling vulnerable and weak. When you judge others to feel good about yourself it’s a type of comparison making… it’s like measuring your worth based on how you percieve someone else’s worth. And by pointing out other people’s flaws you might temporarily think, “I would never do that… I’m way better then that guy!” But when you allow outside factors (like some other guy’s shitty car, or super hot girlfriend) dictate your value then you’ll always be at the mercy of what other people are doing, thinking, or saying.
I suggest the happiest place to be is free of the judgements and good opinions of others. And that starts when you stop comparing yourself to other people.
2) It’s your ego that fears and assumes how others will react when you share honest ideas and opinions with them. Either your opinions are so messed up that there’s a part of you that already knows you’re wrong but doesn’t want others to know it (perhaps you’re racist or sexist, etc) OR you’re insecure about having to defend your ideas. The easiest way around this issue is to challenge and kill your ego. Your ego is just an imaginary image you have of yourself that desperately wants to be “right” at all times. The more mature and confident you become the less your ego will impact your life. So when ever possible challenge or ignore your ego and it’s demands. It’s like a parasite living in your thoughts that feeds off your emotions. Ignore it and it will die.
But being judgmental about the problems of others will turn her off. I suggest having as much awareness as you can about how you judge others or yourself. Then your comments and opinions will be more welcome. 🙂
3) Being honest is one thing… but needing to force your opinion on others is another thing. That’s the curse of “needing to be right” … which is another weak mindset drive by your ego.
There’s nothing wrong with being open and honest, even if she doesn’t like hearing what you have to say. Being different and having an opinion is actually attractive.
BUT being argumentative is not attractive. Nobody wants to be around a guy who’s got such a sensitive ego that he’s not open to hear the opinions of others. So try to be open to seeing other points of view before sharing yours. You might learn something.
Also… if you are finding, after trying to be more open and honest, that everyone hates what you have to say, then maybe it’s a good time to take a moment to really reflect on yourself. It makes a man grow when he’s willing to question his own beliefs and ideas. That’s how we become mature and powerful, instead of being robots of someone else’s beliefs.
7) I always feel and act like I’m a “friend”.. (I rarely take risks/etc)
Being friendly beats being a dick.
Trust me, friendly wins over aggressive, rude, or defensive. The key is to add flirting and teasing with the friendly.
The “friendly” will help her feel safe and happy, while the “teasing and flirting” will invite her to feel more attraction.
I realize that flirting with a girl who hasn’t shown you any interest yet can feel dangerous… but it’s not. You’re not trying to rape her – you’re just having fun. Trust me… she’ll either feel excited you’re flirting with her, or she’ll feel flattered. Both are good feelings.
Just read her body language and response. Does she lean into you and laugh, or does she lean away and act nervous. It’s your job to mirror her slightly. If she leans in, lean in. If she leans away, then give her more space.
Meeting women isn’t always about picking them up and seducing them. Sometimes it’s just about testing your courage, strengthening your social skills through repetition, or sometimes it’s just for your own entertainment. Making girls giggle or blush can be a fun game that doesn’t have to end with getting her phone number.
8) I’m not very conversational unless I know the person well, or if they are genuine good company.
Being quiet makes you “mysterious…” unless you never smile, then it makes you angry.
It sounds more like you’re being shy… which is a symptom of a sensitive ego. This is really common and normal.
And, if you want to increase your levels of attractiveness, or even just your self esteem, it takes courage and lots of practice to grow your comfort levels with social interactions.
I suggest taking small moments through out your daily life to make “small talk” with strangers, especially with women you’re not attracted to. This will force you to practice being social. And being social is the best skill you can develop when it comes to getting the girl. Ask for the time. Ask for directions. Ask about her cute shoes. Ask what she thinks about guys wearing white belts. Learn that you’re not going to die if some girls don’t like you. Ignore your ego, which is screaming at you to not talk to her, and find out what it feels like to be nervous and excited, all at the same time. And do it every week for the rest of your life.
Your going to be 5 years older in 5 years whether you get a handle on this, or not. So you should try to put some time into your self image and self esteem by challenging yourself a tiny bit at a time. Even if you only made small talk with one random girl a week (hot or not) by the time you’re 5 years older you would have managed to make conversation with over 260 strangers. Think how far you’ll have come after 260 women!
9) Apparently, I look very “angry” a lot of the time that I’m just walking around.. Yet when I smile or laugh, etc.. people stutter and trip over themselves.. so now I just do me, but it doesn’t seem to be working well at all.
Ah… try raising your eye brows more when you’re thinking (makes you seem innocent and interested… George Clooney does this), instead of furrowing them (makes you look mad) and try smiling more.
One smile can change everything, even if you’re being quiet.
This just takes a little self awareness. Most people have no idea how they are expressing their inner thoughts through their body, that’s why they walk with rounded shoulders and open gapping mouths… making them look awkward and nervous. It’s your job to force your body to walk with confidence and to make facial expressions that are calming, inviting, and happy.
Seriously, work on this.
10) I’ve been used in a lot of the relationships I’ve been in… out of my own stupidity, and because IT SEEMS like women aren’t attracted to my personality: it seems like they are attracted to my behavior, belongings, intelligence, or family.
It’s better to be cheated than to not trust.
Accept that you got used, but don’t let it make you a victim.
Think of it like this… obviously she needed something you could give her, and in your own way you helped her out. Just make sure you put yourself first too, because it’s YOUR responsibility to keep yourself happy, healthy, safe, and secure. Only then will you have extra energy to do the same for your woman.
And learn your lesson. Don’t ignore the “Red Flags” of a woman who’s after what you can give her… only date women who are really into what they can share with you (like her super cute girlfriend.)